Barron’s Alan Abelson’s Christmas wish list has a few gifts for the outgoing and incoming Federal Reserve Chairmen:

"To Alan Greenspan: a secluded mountaintop on which to reflect and repent.

To his successor, Ben Bernanke, an infallible formula for setting the country on the right financial path: whenever faced with making a critical decision, think, What would Alan Greenspan have done? — and do exactly the opposite."

1) Ask WWGD?
2) Then go the other way?

I have to agree — its brilliant in its simplicity. If most everything Greenspan has done has worked out disastrously, then Bernanke should do the opposite!

Wait a second — that sounds vaguely familiar . . .

Waitress : Tuna on toast, coleslaw, cup of coffee.
George : Yeah. No, no, no, wait a minute, I always have tuna on toast. Nothing’s ever worked out for me with tuna on toast. I want the complete opposite of on toast. Chicken salad, on rye, untoasted … and a cup of tea.
Elaine : Well, there’s no telling what can happen from this.
Jerry : You know chicken salad is not the opposite of tuna, salmon is the opposite of tuna, ‘cos salmon swim against the current, and the tuna swim with it.
George : Good for the tuna.
( A blonde looks at George )
Elaine
: Ah, George, you know, that woman just looked at you.
George : So what? What am I supposed to do?
Elaine : Go talk to her.
George : Elaine, bald men, with no jobs, and no money, who live with their parents, don’t approach strange women.
Jerry : Well here’s your chance to try the opposite. Instead of tuna salad and being intimidated by women, chicken salad and going right up to them.
George : Yeah, I should do the opposite, I should.
Jerry : If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.
George : Yes, I will do the opposite. I used to sit here and do nothing, and regret it for the rest of the day, so now I will do the opposite, and I will do something!
( He goes over to the woman )
George : Excuse me, I couldn’t help but notice that you were looking in my direction.
Victoria : Oh, yes I was, you just ordered the same exact lunch as me.
( G takes a deep breath )
George : My name is George. I’m unemployed and I live with my parents.
Victoria : I’m Victoria. Hi.


Sources:

Something for Everyone
UP AND DOWN WALL STREET 
ALAN ABLESON
Barron’s MONDAY, DECEMBER 26, 2005
http://online.barrons.com/article/SB113538519592331043.html

The Opposite (episode #86)
Writers: Andy Cowan, Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld
Originally aired: Thursday May 19, 1994 on NBC
http://www.tv.com/seinfeld/the-opposite/episode/2326/summary.html

The Opposite
Script
http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/TheOpposite.htm

Category: Federal Reserve

Please use the comments to demonstrate your own ignorance, unfamiliarity with empirical data and lack of respect for scientific knowledge. Be sure to create straw men and argue against things I have neither said nor implied. If you could repeat previously discredited memes or steer the conversation into irrelevant, off topic discussions, it would be appreciated. Lastly, kindly forgo all civility in your discourse . . . you are, after all, anonymous.

One Response to “Federal Reserve Chairman George Costanza”

  1. Mr. Dude says:

    Barry: Thanks for your valuable, interesting and prolific blogging this year. Happy Festivus to you.