Dear PR folk,

Its been about 5 years since this blogging thing ramped up. Astoundingly, over 90% of you still do not have a clue. Considering how related this is to your field, that’s a pretty astonishing number. I don’t know who pays you people, but man, that has to be one of the lowest ROI that has ever existed.

Since you assclowns seem to be lost, allow me to suggest some guidelines that perhaps the brighter of your group may benefit from (the rest of you can skip to the end): 

1. Stop emailing me your random crap. You have in a very short time become spammers. Merely blast emailing (again, that’s spam) will get you and your entire offices blacklisted everywhere. 

2. If you are going to email stuff out (spam-like though that may be) try perusing the blogs you send things to. How about trying to reach a blog that is relevant to your subject matter? I know, that would involve labor on your part, but if its not remotely related to the subject matter at hand, you are wasting people’s time and your employers money.

3. Try sending out items that are interesting. Again, this involves work, but the boring shit I’ve gotten from you is simply unreadable. No one will blog about it. NO ONE.

4. Exercise some discretion in the clients you take. Some of the crap you are trying to promote is a step away from the opening of a new supermarket. Are you simply whores that work for whoever writes you a paycheck, regardless ? 

To review: No random crap, don’t spam, make it relevant, make it interesting, stop being whores.

Oh, and I plan on enforcing these rules.

Piss me off further and I will return the favor (since by your behavior, your unsolicited commercial email is spam). How’d you like to
have all of your phone numbers, fax #s and email addresses to become
unusable? I can set up an auto dialer/emailer in Khazackstan Kazakhstan for 58 cents a day. Maybe when you come back from a month’s sabbatical, you might be able to make an outgoing call (but not before).

Good luck tracing it back to the U.S.

>

PS:  What’s your cell phone number?

Category: Media, Weblogs

Please use the comments to demonstrate your own ignorance, unfamiliarity with empirical data and lack of respect for scientific knowledge. Be sure to create straw men and argue against things I have neither said nor implied. If you could repeat previously discredited memes or steer the conversation into irrelevant, off topic discussions, it would be appreciated. Lastly, kindly forgo all civility in your discourse . . . you are, after all, anonymous.

23 Responses to “PR Weenies: Go Away!”

  1. me2200 says:

    Huh ? Barry… could you explain to us what is going on here ? I’m sure it is interesting, but you lost me.

    Thanks

  2. Craig says:

    Barry is dealing with blog spammers.

    I volunteer to invest in an oil trust fund that pays the autodialer/spammer fees out of the 12% dividend.

    We’ll invest a little up front and let it run…….

  3. yes
    i have some
    blog spammers
    dim

  4. laffingstock says:

    Don’t mess with Superman’s Cape…

    Mild mannered reporter from the daily Big Picture
    until the forces of evil raise their ugly head.

    Piss him off, and he’ll destroy the world

    Way to go Berry,
    Nuke their ass.

  5. Pradeep says:

    Looks like you are getting lot of these kind of letters from PR people. ;-)

    Dear Friend,

    I am highly esteemed to write you this very urgent letter for your kind assistance which will be for our mutual benefits at the end of the day.I am Barrister Anthony Akam, a Solicitor and Personal Attorney
    to a national of your country who before his death was an oil merchant in Nigeria Liquefied Natural Gas Company (NLNG).

    On the 27th June 2002, my client, his wife and their only kid were involved in a car accident; all of them unfortunately lost their lives.

    Since then I as the Personal Attorney of the deceased had madeseveral inquiries to locate any of my clients extended relative but this has proved unsuccessful. After several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to
    trace his relatives through the Internet, to locate any member of his family but to no avail, hence I contact you.

  6. Yo, B,
    That’s it… Open up a humongo 55 gallon drum of whup whoop ass on these room temp IQ frozenuts losers.
    WAY…To…GO!

    I’m down with the Afghani boiler room speed dialer revenge-a-thon mayhem… where do I contribute?

  7. larry says:

    uuuh … may i get e-mail of that Personal Attorney – the story sounds interesting, may be i could help the guy out ?

  8. babycondor says:

    LOL

    A little welcome humor on a lackluster day.

    Count me in on the Khazackstan oil trust fund action.

  9. rwbil says:

    Pradeep,

    How could this be. They emailed me telling me I was the lucky one they trusted to receive the 12 Million Dollar fortune, because they knew I would give it to a good cause. What are the odds that both of us were contacted for the forturne. LOL!!!!!!!

  10. aestreux says:

    don’t give warning and talk about retaliation, just do it.

  11. Beerman says:

    I can sympathize with you on the reams of garbage you must receive. I’m sure I receive just a fraction of what you do and it irritates me. Please (please oh please oh please) tell me more about that redailer Khazakstan. There’s one particular a#$hole who keeps flooding me with virus messages that I’d love to have talk to a little machine in Khazakstan.

  12. Kevin says:

    I didn’t bother answering them. I am too busy trying to figure out how to spend all my winnings from the Dutch lottery.

    Here’s a thought for a Stephen King movie: What if the information that political and economic leaders must work with is contaminated like my Inbox to even a small degree? What if such silly email is just the extreme tip of the iceberg? What if the principle of “Say whatever necessary in order to get the target to do what you want, with no relationship to truth whatsoever” is being used more skilfully by our best educated and brightest minds in all our institutions? What if “I am th e wife of the former prime minister of Nigeria” is just a clumsy 3rd world knock off of “don’t worry about it, we’ll make this arrangement and get it off the balance sheet” or “Of course, there are WMDs in Iraq” or “I never had sex with that woman”?
    OK. I ‘ll just shake off that thought and go enjoy my weekend.

  13. paul says:

    It’s probably too late, but you can take your email off the site as a clickable link. On my site, it is a .gif (graphic); those who want/need to email me can copy it into an email window. (not too different from the test I’ll get in a minute asking me to transpose a series of numbers and letters to be able to post this comment.)

    I’ll also throw in for the Khazakstan redialer….

  14. kents says:

    Count me in on the dialer. Meanwhile, fetch you a doodad called a Barracuda spam firewall. You’ll like it, trust me.

  15. NJG from NYC says:

    Exercise some discretion in the clients you take. Some of the crap you are trying to promote is a step away from the opening of a new supermarket. Are you simply whores that work for whoever writes you a paycheck, regardless ?

    Most service businesses are, to some degree or another.

  16. 2L says:

    Barry:

    kazakhstan

  17. Lois says:

    Damn those flacks…..immoral heathens…

  18. Monica Gagnier says:

    Welcome to the media business, friend!

  19. Dave Platter says:

    As I point out in my post, for someone who specializes in the analysis of macroeconomic trends, your data is terrible. 90% of PR people don’t suck. I’m a long-time PR guy and I say the number is much closer to 80%!
    :)

  20. Jarrod says:

    sweet deal, only .58 cents a day? no shit. Great post B, this is what the net has come too….wonder what it’s like further up the road.

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    You do know that myspace was actually created by a viral advertising company, right?

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