Amusing linguistic observations from
Slate’s Dan Gross:

Hedge-Fund Phrase: Challenging
Translation: Run for the hills!

Hedge-Fund Phrase: Unprecedented, unique circumstances
Translation: Stuff happens. But we had no clue.

Hedge-Fund Phrase: Market volatility has produced
unfair, unrealistic prices.

Translation: The market is efficient only when it works in
our favor.

Hedge-Fund Phrase: Our results were affected by the
selling behavior of other firms.

Translation: We made the same dumb trades as everyone
else.

Hedge-Fund Phrase: We just want to protect investors.
Translation: We just want to cover our butts.

Hedge-Fund Phrase: This isn’t a rescue.
Translation: THIS IS TOTALLY A RESCUE!!!!!!!

Great stuff!  The full article is here:

>

Source:
How To Speak Hedgie
What hedge-fund managers mean when they talk about challenges.
Daniel Gross
Posted Tuesday, Aug. 14, 2007, at 4:16 PM ET
http://www.slate.com/id/2172224/

Category: Hedge Funds

Please use the comments to demonstrate your own ignorance, unfamiliarity with empirical data and lack of respect for scientific knowledge. Be sure to create straw men and argue against things I have neither said nor implied. If you could repeat previously discredited memes or steer the conversation into irrelevant, off topic discussions, it would be appreciated. Lastly, kindly forgo all civility in your discourse . . . you are, after all, anonymous.

9 Responses to “How To Speak Hedgie”

  1. Bob A says:

    Repricing Risk = You are Screwed

  2. UrbanDigs says:

    Hedge Fund Phrase = We are booking assets to market value

    Translation = We can’t meet our margin call requirements

  3. scorpio says:

    i laughed at the Thornburg guy on CNBC this morning. sure his collateral has been bullet-proof up til now, but he’s levered 20X. no collateral is that good, and his collateral is about to get much worse. i see Ralphie-boy Lauren down a couple points this morning. it was a great 25-yr run.

  4. UrbanDigs says:

    Hedge Fund Phrase = Liquidity in MBS markets dried up and market is not functioning properly

    Translation = dammit wont someone please buy these securities?

  5. Marcus Aurelius says:

    We’re on our way back to 14,000 = I can bend this spoon with my mind.

  6. Telemill says:

    Damn you guys are hilarious. Ever think about writing for Saturday Night Live? Especially Marcus Aurelius . . . that comment will quickly become a classic. Love this stuff, you guys made my day.

  7. me says:

    Is anybody tired of hearing how damn smart quants are yet?

  8. walons says:

    A narrative probably coming soon:

    We are seeking a strategic investor = We are desperate for someone to bail us out.

    Returning money to investors = What money?

    Closing shop = Wait a year until new suckers materialize and open up a new fund.

  9. Winston Munn says:

    Improper pricing has created an illiquid market for some assets.

    Translation: We still are holding our improperly priced Confedrate bonds, too.
    The South will rise again.