At Lehman’s annual meeting held in April of this year, Richard Fuld, CEO of Lehman Brothers, was rumored to have said: "I will hurt the shorts, and that is my goal."

That quote was widely circulated — but it turns out to be wrong. You see, Fuld never actually uttered that phrase. The speech he gave was incorrectly transcribed.

What Fuld actually said was "____________."


You can fill in the blank below

Category: Corporate Management, Short Selling

Please use the comments to demonstrate your own ignorance, unfamiliarity with empirical data and lack of respect for scientific knowledge. Be sure to create straw men and argue against things I have neither said nor implied. If you could repeat previously discredited memes or steer the conversation into irrelevant, off topic discussions, it would be appreciated. Lastly, kindly forgo all civility in your discourse . . . you are, after all, anonymous.

57 Responses to “Fuld’s Misquote Contest”

  1. Todd M. says:

    great, now the theme to that 70s game show “Match Game” is in my head – cue the wacky bassline and wah guitar…

  2. Jack says:

    I will fill my shorts before this is all over!

  3. A. Melmotte says:

    “I will eat my shorts; that is my goal.”

  4. Bob A says:

    I am getting a kickback from the shorts. Don’t tell.

  5. Nemo says:

    “Be vewy quiet; I’m hunting wabbits”

  6. super-anon says:

    “I will eat my shorts if he makes that goal.”

  7. icm63 says:

    I have browned my shorts!

  8. Dave says:

    “I will take it in the shorts – that is my goal.”

  9. doncoop says:

    “These shorts hurt, and I’m going to jail.”

  10. Ah, yes. That speech, that line. It was a kind of ditty, I recall (Fuld might have had one too many) something like…

    I heard the great Schwartz, and He told me my role:

    ‘Avoid M. Whitney of Oppy, and Einhorn the Bold.’

  11. HCF says:

    “I am so hurtin’ to get into Erin Callan’s shorts”

  12. Jack Stevison says:

    “these shorts are making me thirsty”

  13. JL says:

    “My goal is to be walking in my shorts on the Copacabana while the rest of you starve to death. Suckers.”

  14. chris says:

    Erin is a man….

  15. Mongo says:

    When Fuld said, “I will hurt the shorts, and that is my goal”, did he actually say –

    A.) I have a shirt and shorts — and a hat is my goal

    B.) I’ll skirt the courts, and that is my goal

    C.) I’m pert in my shorts, and fat like a foal

    D.) Eye Bill curse the ports, and cats have my Skoal [Ancient Pirate Curse].

  16. mitch says:

    may the shorts be with me, or against me, whatever….

  17. Bruce says:

    I have wet my shorts, and I love my goat.

  18. Literalist says:

    Well, since he’s a super smart Investment Banker, he must have said

    “I will HELP the shorts, and that is my goal”

    Another Success!

  19. Ben says:

    1) I’ll short Hertz & escape the gaol!

    (BTW, gaol = jail in Britain)

    2) I heard the shots from the grassy knoll!

  20. neal says:

    “May the Schwartz be with you”

  21. apikoros says:

    I know he didn’t but what he should have said was:

    “We are SO screwed!”

  22. Marcus Aurelius says:

    My nose hurts when I snort, so fire up a bowl.

  23. Groty says:

    “I’m a little teapot, short and stout. Don’t fuck with me.”

    Obviously, an honest mistake with the transcription.

  24. rob says:

    “I’m going to short and that is my goal.”

  25. Mike says:

    I’m already short, zero is my goal.

  26. jam says:

    I have a short Dick..(fuld) in my shorts.

  27. flubber says:

    I will “screw” the shorts

  28. TheGuru says:

    “After we report 2nd Qtr. results, the longs will feel like they have been kicked in the shorts.”

  29. Ken H. says:

    “I’m a short tool, and that’s my goal!”

    Can’t be sure, could have been stool. Pretty sure…DICK.

  30. Bystander says:

    A few days ago, Denninger paraphrased Dick Fuld’s declaration using the colorful language we expect from the sage of Niceville. It referenced a use of the cranium, specifically, skulls that was not intended by nature.

  31. Philipat says:

    ” Wish I could get those stearn bear hunters out of my shorts”

  32. knapp says:

    I will hurt the shorts, and that is my goal. Erin, text Gasperino back. Tell that fucker we’ll pay his price

  33. Short Man says:

    “Yeah that’s right Steinberg, I had sex with your wife — deal with it shorty”

  34. stuart says:

    Gasparino would crap his shorts, on air, if I told him what I really thought our books were worth.

    Some good contenders submitted so far…


  35. Aiden says:

    What Fuld really said was:

    I have a few billion stashed in my shorts. Get the rest Erin!

    In the business we call that an inadequate hedge.

  36. VennData says:

    Dude, it looks to me like Erin Callan’s shorts are what screwed LEH over.

    Fuld will survive. It’s only Lehman.

  37. Cavemanus says:

    “They will hurt me in court when the truth is told.”

  38. brion says:

    “I am Elmer J. Fuld, millionaire. I own a mansion and a yacht”

  39. zeb says:

    I just Rorschached in my shorts!

  40. Armchair Fed says:

    mama take these shorts from me,
    I can’t sue them anymore..

  41. Re-REMIC says:

    “Is that a Dick Fuld in your shorts, you gentile?”

  42. Expat says:

    I will herd some goats and that is my pail.

    It was pure nonsense, but most of the analysts agree it was the most important statement he made. It was made in response to a question about what he will be doing in his yet un-named non-extradition South American country next year.

  43. KellyD3 says:

    “How do we skirt the courts and get on the dole?”

    (Fed bailout, avoid BK)

  44. Andrew says:

    A lesson’s been taught, now where’s my begging bowl?

  45. Brian says:

    I’m eating (your) shorts!

  46. shtove says:

    What Fuld actually said was “I have soiled my shorts and will soon be on the dole.”

  47. Dumpster says:

    I think I read the quote somewhere was: “I will skull-fuck the shorts, and that’s my goal”


    These shorts hurt my pole….?

  49. O'H says:

    You are so right! I was at that meeting, feeling a little festive, mind you – but I recall some loathsome investor piped up about alternative energy and Fuld fumed:

    “I will burn my children, that is my coal”.

    (is Fuld that bald guy with a red mustache?)

  50. Vermont Trader says:

    this trade is starting to feel crowded. I’m covering…..

  51. QuestionMark says:

    What he really said was “I will consult with Patrick Byrne; I’ve always liked the way he’s dealt with these things over at Overstock”

  52. Mark W says:

    Where’s Ben’s phone number, I think we need to talk.

  53. Sam Jacob says:

    i’m wearing shorts, she’s wearing skirts. we both are going down!!!

  54. L'Emmerdeur says:

    “Blue Horse Shoe loves Anacot Steel”.

  55. Aisle hut tea shots under my gold

  56. crack says:

    Fuld said nothing, he just told Gasparino to come up with something inspiring.

  57. Graphite says:

    “From where I’m sitting, our balance sheet takes the whole ‘hurting the shorts’ issue off the table.”