Failure to Blow Election Stuns Democrats
Andy Borowitz:
Just minutes after their party’s longstanding losing tradition lay in tatters on the ground, millions of shell-shocked Democrats stared at their television screens in disbelief, asking themselves what went right.
For Democrats, who have become accustomed to their party blowing an election even when it seemed like a sure thing, Tuesday night’s results were a bitter pill to swallow.The head-shaking and finger-pointing over the demise of the Democrats’ losing streak, which many of the party faithful had worn like a badge of honor, reached all the way to the upper echelons of the Democratic National Committee.”Believe me, I’m as shocked by these results as anybody,” said DNC chief Howard Dean, who indicated he has received hundreds of calls from incredulous party members. “We did everything in our power to screw this thing up.”Dean pointed to several key elements the Democrats put in place to ensure defeat, ranging from “a rancorous primary campaign” to “the appointment of me.”
“Somehow, despite our best efforts to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, we won,” he said. “I came in here with a mandate to blow this thing and I didn’t get it done.”
Carol Foyler, a lifelong Democrat who owns a loom supply store in Portland, Maine, said she has been “nearly catatonic” since the election results were announced.“For the past eight years, I’ve fixed myself some herbal tea, turned on NPR, and ranted about the Republicans,” she said. “All that has been taken from me.”
Elsewhere, Sen. John McCain offered this comment on Sen. Barack Obama’s victory: “My friends, I’ve got him just where I want him.”
Brilliant satire . . .
Source:
Failure to Blow Election Stuns Democrats
Party Faithful Mourn End to Losing Tradition
Andy Borowitz
http://www.borowitzreport.com/article.aspx?ID=6957
November 6th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
They can still do it, yes they can.
November 6th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
Poor old Bob the Builder.
Disney completely rip off his show with “Handy Manny”, Barack Obama steals his tagline (”can we fix it? Yes we can”) and he can’t get a job because nobody is building.
November 7th, 2008 at 12:17 am
Have a friend who fits in with this article. As late as Monday, he was sending me scenarios whereby McCain could win. Must be a real democrat
November 7th, 2008 at 8:30 pm
I can see why republican supporters would not really want to think about it, because when you break out the trends in demography and look at the voting pattens in this election, well let’s just say the not democrat party is running up a mountain and out of time.
November 8th, 2008 at 9:20 am
The Republican Machine is one bunch of bitter folks at the moment. What makes it even worse for them is that they know they themselves are wholely responsible for the outcome. I am amazed the election results weren’t even more lop-sided.
In the last 8 years, did they get anything right? (There has got to be something.)
I am an independent and I will never vote Republican again. I have witnessed too many screw-ups and way too much greed. I will never forget how Kudlow used to make anyone who argued for increasing minimum wage out to be a sorry, undeserving slob at the same time all these shenanigans were taking place on Wall Street. More incentive is LK’s disdain for any help what-so-ever for Detroit after the sorry ass Middle Class has already bailed out all of his buddies on Wall Street with OUR money. Now all of a sudden, he is concerned about OUR money? There is a double standard in this Country that I can no longer stomach.
I say fuck the upper 5%. They are one greedy lot. They already have an unbelievable majority of the wealth in this Country and still aren’t happy. Need I say more?