A pretty good Onion headline:  Nation Finally Shitty Enough To Make Social Progress:

Although polls going into the final weeks of October showed Sen. Obama in the lead, it remained unclear whether the failing economy, dilapidated housing market, crumbling national infrastructure, health care crisis, energy crisis, and five-year-long disastrous war in Iraq had made the nation crappy enough to rise above 300 years of racial prejudice and make lasting change.

“Today the American people have made their voices heard, and they have said, ‘Things are finally as terrible as we’re willing to tolerate,” said Obama, addressing a crowd of unemployed, uninsured, and debt-ridden supporters. “To elect a black man, in this country, and at this time—these last eight years must have really broken you.”

Added Obama, “It’s a great day for our nation.”

Heh heh . . . That is, unfortunately, only a sleight exaggeration as to the landscape.  Of course, for wit, prescience, and humor, nothing beats the Onion’s 2001 pre-inauguration headline:

Bush: ‘Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over’

“My fellow Americans,” Bush said, “at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us.”

A classic: So witty, so foresighted . . .


Nation Finally Shitty Enough To Make Social Progress
NOVEMBER 5, 2008 | ISSUE 44•45


Bush: ‘Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over’
JANUARY 17, 2001 | ISSUE 37•01


Category: Economy, Financial Press, Markets, Politics, War/Defense

Please use the comments to demonstrate your own ignorance, unfamiliarity with empirical data and lack of respect for scientific knowledge. Be sure to create straw men and argue against things I have neither said nor implied. If you could repeat previously discredited memes or steer the conversation into irrelevant, off topic discussions, it would be appreciated. Lastly, kindly forgo all civility in your discourse . . . you are, after all, anonymous.

19 Responses to “The Onion: Our long national nightmare . . .”

  1. AGG says:

    So true. I read a book a few years ago called ” The Unsteady March”. It’s a history of blacks in the USA. It was quite revealing how the English and American generals were outdoing each other offering blacks emancipation if they fought on “their” side during the revolutionary war. Same thing again in the Civil war, World war I and World war II. Each conflict was followed by a period of putting the blacks “back in their place” through various poverty iinducement techniques, propaganda and ,of course, when all else failed, lynchings.
    So now that we’ve drafted a black man to take the heat for a super depression, when do the lynchings start? You quiet klan types out there know who you are. I sincerely hope you lynching types get lynched before you start your scapegoating and hate campaigns. Obama is one smart, shrewd individual. I don’t think he’s going to let the bigots pin the rap on him in particular or minorities in general. Oh, but it will be attempted. Responsible behavior is not part of the plutocratic gene pool.

  2. Gene says:

    I thought the market did a pretty good job of discounting the election today, don’t you?

  3. Awake says:

    “I thought the market did a pretty good job of discounting the election today, don’t you?”

    Good point.

    Barry, are you ready to edit your post from 2 days ago referring to the recent rise in the stock market as due to the likely Obama victory?

    Sell the news, eh?


    BR: I never said anything of the sort.

    Care to supply a post title and a link?

  4. Mannwich says:

    No Gene. I thought the market was ready after an 18% jump to drop due to profit-taking. Had to happen sometime, didn’t it?

    Having said that, we are likely to head much lower at some point. I just have no idea when but my guess is that it will be around/after a really crappy holiday retail season.

  5. Gene says:

    Elliot wave theory, anyone?

  6. Vermont Trader says:

    Election results great but CSCO results horrible. one of the first companies to report an october qtr…

    strap in, its going to get a little turbulent.

  7. Monica Starr says:

    Barry — Thanks for bringing the Onion report on Bush’s inauguration to our attention. As you stated: funny, but oh-so-prescient. Scary, almost! — Monica

  8. Gary says:

    I wish this were an Onion piece, instead it appeared in today’s WSJ no less.

  9. Mannwich says:

    The Onion is a far more credible publication than the WSJ’s Op-Ed page.

  10. Greg0658 says:

    How many months does it take to sell out of the market on MIC pull down/out? Is 6800 still the mark?

  11. rob says:

    Yeap, Bush single handedly destroyed the Galaxy. Thank God Congress didn’t ever get involved! Whew, imagine that cluster fuck! http://www.knology.net/~aquaabyss/job.jpg


    BR: I guess I was wrong. Bush is awesome!
    Best president ever!

  12. patrick says:

    Here’s why the Onion rules, they shred both sides although I’m sure most ’round here won’t like it.


  13. Patrick:
    Why wouldn’t we like it? I might be an Obama supporter but I thought it was funny.

  14. SandBagging says:

    I like to play a game of finding headlines from respected news outfits that are more suitable for The Onion. For example:

    eBay buyer faces libel action after leaving negative feedback

  15. Steve Barry says:

    Let me flesh out my theory a bit:

    1) We know of the existence of the Presidents Working Group to stabilize markets, formed by Reagan after the 1987 crash. They have been mentioned recently even by MSM. If they EVER work to stabilize markets, they must be doing so now, during the “greatest crisis since the Great Depression that every economist says will never result in a new depression.”™ A logical extension of this conclusion is they have been as active as ever, possibly going a bit nuts about it. This group is also know to some as the Plunge Protection Team (PPT).

    2) Barry has made countless posts taking government data to task…NFP……B/D…Inflation…GDP. The key numbers released by the government seem to all be skewed way positively. Again, that must be going on today to a great degree.

    3) A key reason for an administration to undertake these activities is to get their party re-elected. Those hopes went up in smoke officially on Obama Day. Now their focus must be to unseat Obama in 2012. Why, for one minute, would they continue the PPT and the data spinning? Many on these teams see it is futile anyway. They can easily blame weakness in the market now on the reaction to Obama getting elected. They can really stick him with a mess. Obama wants this as well…the Presidential cycle posits that the new president wants things weaker relatively in years 1 and 2, so he can start the re-election turnaround in year 3-4.

    This is why I concluded, and have posted since July, that an Obama election would result in an accellerated market tank. Just don’t balme Obama getting elected for it…that is not the direct cause.

  16. Greg0658 says:

    I awoke last light and started channel surfing, landing on the b&w documentary (A&E classroom) on President Truman. It complelled me to wiki him this morning before bouncing into here. That time period and links to events during my mom and dads courtship are something. The relationships between countries in Asia, Gen MacArthur, the Abomb, McCarthy. I find it striking mom and dads make kids. I guess it’s the survival instinct; somebody has to take care of us.
    Those were interesting times of 1-up-manships. I’m sure 50 years from now history will look similar. Cause thats the way it is.

  17. DEFT says:

    The opposite is true. History has shown time and again that when economics turns bad, prejudices explode, not recede.

    If folks had any prejudice at all, they would never have voted for a black guy after watching their 401ks and home equity sink and start worrying about their bank deposits as well.

  18. DeDude says:

    Unfortunately the human condition is pretty pathetic. When we the people feel society is in a really good situation, the main thing we are concerned about is not having to help those that are less fortunate than us. At that point we vote for those who will not raise taxes. When we see that the economy is going down and fear that we ourselves may be at risk for being without income, healt insurance etc., then we vote for those who will make sure that society is there to help. Nanny state for ourselves when WE need it, tough “kick-yaself-in-the-a$$” love for everyone else when THEY need help. Our bodies may have left the caves 10,000 years ago but our souls and hearts are still living in them.