Late one morning one December
in a year we’ll all remember,
Writing Christmas poems
had turned into quite a chore,

While I nodded, nearly napping,
suddenly there came a tapping,
As of someone gently rapping,
rapping at my office door.

“Tis some visitor,” I muttered,
“tapping at my office door-
Only this, and nothing more.”

Open wide I flung the entry,
stood there like an ancient sentry,
In there stepped a haggard trader
who’d been up since half past four.

Not the least obeisance made he;
not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady,
walked in from the trading floor-

Stood next to a bust of Soros
on a shelf well past the door-
Stood, and sighed,
and nothing more.

Then this battered soul beguiling
my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum
of the countenance he wore,

“Though thy P/L has cratered,
you’ll get better soon or later,
Ghastly grim and somber trader
wandering from the trading floor-

Tell me what thy problem is
found upon the trading floor!”

Quoth the trader, “Nevermore.”

As he stood there slightly smirking,
doubts I’d long felt vaguely lurking
My subconscience let emerge
and push their way out to the fore.

“Though our P/L’s been stinking
and our share price swiftly sinking
Surely I’m right to be thinking
that the worst is in Q4?

When will we return to normal,
back the way it was before?”

Quoth the trader, “Nevermore.”

“Come now, fellow,” I cried, shaken,
“surely thou art quite mistaken!
There is sovereign wealth fund buying
risky assets soon in store.

Banks will soon enough start lending,
start consumers back off spending
Bring a swift and tidy ending
to our all feeling quite poor.

Don’t you think that GDP growth
soon enough will exceed four?”

Quoth the trader, “Nevermore.”

Was he simply trying to scare me,
overwhelm me, or just dare me
To get out of my positions
I’d put on the year before?

Though they trade at distressed prices,
my sangfroid is cold as ice, as
I have made it through the crisis
marking them at eighty four.

“Don’t you think if I hang on
I’ll find a bid at eighty-four?”

Quoth the trader, “Nevermore.”

My portfolio’s diverse,
moving on from bad to worse.
Managing a long-stock book
had proven to be a chore.

As I glanced back at my screen
I took on a pallid sheen
As the S&P careened
below its key supportive floor.

“Will the Nikkei ever rally
back towards where it was in ’94?”

Quoth the trader, “Nevermore.”

Then, methought, the air grew denser,
perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls
tinkled on the tufted floor.

“Wretch,” I cried, “Satan’s thy master,
he hath sent me to disaster
Tell me, who hath fallen faster,
me or hedge funds shuttering their doors,
Causing panic on the streets
of London, Moscow, and Lahore?”

Quoth the trader, “Nevermore.”

As the floor began to darken,
a footstep I faintly hearkened,
Followed swiftly by another rapping
beat against my office door.

In stepped an HR director,
leering like Hannibal Lecter
‘Twas not my place to correct
her as she told us what’s in store.

Then she escorted the trader
by the elbow out and off the trading floor.

I saw him again – nevermore!

>

via Macroman

Category: Humor, Trading

Please use the comments to demonstrate your own ignorance, unfamiliarity with empirical data and lack of respect for scientific knowledge. Be sure to create straw men and argue against things I have neither said nor implied. If you could repeat previously discredited memes or steer the conversation into irrelevant, off topic discussions, it would be appreciated. Lastly, kindly forgo all civility in your discourse . . . you are, after all, anonymous.

12 Responses to “Quoth the Trader, “Nevermore.””

  1. Scott F says:

    Very amusing!

  2. Jojo99 says:

    Excellent!

  3. DP says:

    Tomorrow could be a tough tax day for some traders. Proshares funds going ex-div tonight. $9.49 short term gain on QID, $28.60 on SDD, $26.50 on SMN. Full list can be seen here: http://media.proshares.com/documents/Distributions+4Q2008+REVISED+with+cap+gains+and+divs.pdf

  4. Pool Shark says:

    “And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God Help Us, Every One!”

  5. KJ Foehr says:

    Wow, that’s dark… we must be near the bottom.

  6. km4 says:

    Jim Rogers – Super-inflation to come worldwide and says fuck off to Wall Sr crooks
    http://paul.kedrosky.com/archives/2008/12/22/jim_rogers_on_s.html

  7. karen says:

    unfortunately, the jim rogers piece is old. here’s one from Jim Grant this weekend, sorry if it was posted already.

    http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122973431525523215.html

  8. km4 says:

    Who cares if Jim Rogers piece was old….it’s even more pertinent today !

  9. Bruce in Tn says:

    Karen,

    I agree with Jim Grant. Bernanke reminds me of George C. Scott in the film Patton, when he says he has waited all his life to be in WWII. Put yourself in Bernanke’s shoes…he must think he was born to lead the Fed in this one moment of time. And I think he lacks the common sense to lead us through this. He is no Paul Volcker.

    I am very afraid his actions here will cause permanent harm.

  10. Poe was Genius. This turn is very well done.

    It’s interesting that this meme, ‘Nevermore’, is about, it mirrors a conversation I was having with a friend of mine, over the weekend.

    This poem is a good example of what I’ve noted, earlier, ‘Wall St.’ is filled with many, tremendous, talents.
    They, just, need to come home and help us build, and re-build our Institutions and Infrastructures.

    For, certainly, if we don’t, all, lend a shoulder, surely, what was, will be “Nevermore”..

  11. karen says:

    Bruce, hope you check back here as I found a great essay this morning,

    http://scenariosandstrategy.wordpress.com/2008/12/22/life-imitating-art/