Wall Street Prison Consultants
Uh-oh.
Imagine you just fucked up really badly. Maybe it was a PIPE deal you front ran (aka insider trading); Perhaps you dipped into some of those managed accounts to maintain your lifestyle. Could be you helped your dad or uncle with a massive ponzi scheme.
What do you do after your lawyer says “This is bad — really bad.” Then starts talking about bringing in white collar defense lawyer to make sure you get out in a few years.
That’s right, you are heading to the graybar hotel. Who do you call?
Believe or not, there is a firm that specializes in these situations: Wall Street Prison Consultants:
Welcome to Wall Street Prison Consultants. My name is Larry Levine, and I’d like to take this opportunity to introduce Fedtime 101, a revolutionary new program tailored specifically for white collar offenders entering the Federal Prison System.
Fedtime 101, is a unique “SURVIVAL PROGRAM” on Federal Prison life, that I designed and put together while serving time behind prison walls. Fedtime 101 provides, direct one-on-one counseling and guidance, to ensure you have a complete understanding of the issues lying ahead of you and your family.
Furthermore, my assistance continues after you’re incarcerated, to address and/ or rectify any concerns you family may have. My commitment is to provide the most accurate, up-to-date information, addressing all key issues concerning BOP Policy, pre- and post-custody policy, and what really happens when goes inside.
This must have been what Alan Greenspan was referring to when he praised financial Innovation . . .
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Source:
Wall Street Prison Consultants
http://www.wallstreetprisonconsultants.com/
July 6th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
I first saw this in the Los Angeles Times last Feb:
http://articles.latimes.com/2009/feb/27/local/me-prison-consultant27
July 8th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
Here’s a CNN video of Larry Levine discussing Madoff’s future behind bars. Money quote: “Let him rot in hell.”
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/crime/2009/06/30/am.intv.levine.cnn?iref=videosearch
July 8th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
innovation we can count on from the banksters and wallstreeters! aka huckster in any other time. maybe they will have a lot of business . soon
July 8th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
w/ “Bag” Holder in the AG Chair, these guyz– http://www.wallstreetprisonconsultants.com/
better be buckled-up for some slim pick’ens..
but, if they wanted to round out their offerings, maybe they should pick up a few hints from: http://www.ravelry.com
July 8th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
I know a good white collar lawyer f anyone needs one.
I was out of pocket today at a seminar and met a guy who told me his friend was at a JPM Conference last night, where their economists told managers that unemployment was going to 12-15%…CAN ANYONE CONFIRM THIS?
July 8th, 2009 at 5:26 pm
Steve Barry:
Why are you shocked? It’s already there. Unless they specifically mentioned the U-3 is going to that range. If the U-3 goes there we are really fucked. If UE does go that high, will WF and GS get bailed out again?
July 8th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
Off topic:
Morgan Stanley to turn toxic lead (downgraded CDOs) into gold (AAA-rated Bonds)
July 8th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
@Calvin:
They are likely referring to the government number, now at 9.5.
Alcoa earnings down 41%…but loss less than expected…up we go!!!
July 8th, 2009 at 5:34 pm
Guy on Fast Money now…great name for financial business…Eugene Profit.
July 8th, 2009 at 5:37 pm
Any thoughts on the first Obama admin. member to use their services?
With Biden the odds on favorite, my money’s on Christina Romer.
July 8th, 2009 at 5:43 pm
@OkieLawyer
Deja vu!! You know it’s retroactive stuff like that which didn’t turn out right the first time and proactive stuff like the USG establishing limits on short selling oil in the futures complex that make me believe that we have not yet seen the worst that profiteers and politicians can propose.
July 8th, 2009 at 5:50 pm
It’s official…the man Cramer gave a column to on The Street.com…the man Cramer called “one of the great traders” and a “genius”…is in quite the hole.
Ex-Mets star Dykstra files for bankruptcy in LA
2 hours, 57 minutes ago
LOS ANGELES (AP)—Former New York Mets outfielder Lenny Dykstra has sought bankruptcy protection in Los Angeles, citing more than $31 million in debts.
Federal court documents show Dykstra filed for Chapter 11 status on Tuesday. He listed assets of $50,000 or less and liabilities of between $10 million and $50 million.
Dykstra, whose lifestyle included a lavish house, a jet and a Rolls Royce, says he owes millions of dollars to his 20 largest creditors, many of them banks. His filing follows at least two dozen lawsuits over his business and financial dealings.
Dykstra, nicknamed “Nails” for his rough-and-ready style, is a former All-Star who spent 12 years with the Mets and the Philadelphia Phillies. He won a World Series with the Mets in 1986.
July 8th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
Yeah, it would seem Lenny might need their help. Doesn’t sound like Dykstra was too great of a boss…
http://men.style.com/gq/features/landing?id=content_8558
July 8th, 2009 at 6:03 pm
Good year for the Mets…team falling apart…stadium named for a government run bank…Wilpons involved in Madoff losses…now Lenny. I expect Mr. Met to be calling Larry Levine any minute.
July 8th, 2009 at 6:05 pm
http://seekingalpha.com/article/147634-another-victim-of-america-s-ponzi-scheme-economy-part-1
July 8th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
Did anyone notice the shape of the DOW today? It is nearly a perfect “W” shaped recovery!
July 8th, 2009 at 6:14 pm
Steve, read the story I just posted the link to. Lenny was using his employees’ credit cards for his charges = ouch.
July 8th, 2009 at 6:15 pm
P.S. I think I know what Cramer’s “Outrage of the day” should be…..
July 8th, 2009 at 6:45 pm
Madoff’s Latest Ponzi!
http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=231588&title=150-Years-of-Solitude
July 8th, 2009 at 7:30 pm
okie @ 6:05
awesome link- excellent points made in that article- thx
July 8th, 2009 at 7:50 pm
Carrying on a bit with my thinking from last night about misallocation of resources…
It is stunning to me that so many predicted the exact consequences of our actions yet we still ignore their voices while searching instead for a Keynesian Cure instead of taking our Mises Medicine.
‘Since the natural rate is the rate of interest that reconciles intertemporal production activities with the time preferences of consumers, credit expansion, by keeping the bank rate below the natural rate, induces a fundamental inconsistency. A cheap-credit policy distorts business calculations causing the production of consumer goods to be reduced and production processes in general to be excessively roundabout. Mises used the term ‘forced savings’ to describe the policy-induced reduction in consumption and the term ‘malinvestment’ to describe the intertemporal misallocation of resources induced by artificially cheap credit.
Mises transformed his insights about forced saving and malinvestment into a theory of the business cycle by recognizing the unsustainability of production activities that are based upon a low bank rate.”
This will take years and years to sort out if we do it right – if we continue the current quest to rebuild Humpty in Camelot we may never recover.
July 8th, 2009 at 8:22 pm
Read the Seeking Alpha essay (thanks Okie).
Sitting in my doctor’s office this past winter I read the September 08 Businessweek I read an article about Christopher Cox (remember him?) advocating for replacing GAAP with the looser EU standards. I thought, “Yeah, that’ll happen real soon now, fuckhead.” That’s your SEC working for us.
But at the same time I don’t like the protectionist undertones of the SA piece. Globalization was/is inevitable. How quickly you youngsters forget about the hazards of instability in developing countries. Why do you think the fucking Taliban got w/i 60 miles of the capital of a nuclear power? Because Pakistan sucks. Billions in military and economic aid and they can’t even clean their own house. And that’s just one example of many.
There are enough geographic illiterates in this country without falling back on isolationism. Unfair trade practices and outsourcing jobs are too easy a target.
July 8th, 2009 at 8:50 pm
TZ-
dude- i love you man- but- are we going to defend our own people or not? It is coming down to that very question.
July 8th, 2009 at 9:01 pm
Looks like a thinly veiled protection racket to me. You pay the fee. They teach you a few secret handshakes and passwords. And they pass your name along to a few violent criminals on the inside who are now tasked with protecting your soft ass.
In fact, quite literally protecting your soft ass.
July 8th, 2009 at 9:40 pm
I’d bet Wall Street Prison Consultants will demand payment in advance prior to rendering services. If so, they are restricting credit, impeding the free flow of goods and services, and inhibiting the green shoots from blooming into recovery.
July 8th, 2009 at 9:49 pm
Somewhere my late teens I read a book called You’re going to Jail, or something like that, written by some ex-con. It was, perhaps, the most disturbing book I’ve ever read in my life — especially the chapter called, You are going to be raped. If you want a passive society, make every kid read that book.
Also, good video on not talking to the cops w/o your lawyer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8z7NC5sgik
July 8th, 2009 at 9:57 pm
@Ahab:
Fallacy of false alternatives — retreat into your shell (safe, good) or stick your neck out (risky, bad).
IMO people who preach trade war, protective tariffs, decreased immigration quotas are peddling simplistic answers to complex issues. I think it’s as important to be contrarian about decoding political memes as we are decoding economic misinformation memes.
Our security depends on engaging abroad, if only to get intelligence on the serious bad guys.
Speaking of which , think we’ll see job postings on USA.gov for IT security professionals real soon?
July 8th, 2009 at 10:09 pm
@Swampfox:
Back in law school I had a great prof for Criminal Procedure — a former federal prosecutor. Only f-bomb he ever dropped in class was around statements to police. “Tell your client to shut the fuck up.”
A few years ago a buddy of mine who does criminal work told me about a client who showed up drunk to a court appearance. While they’re waiting to go in to the court room, the client sees the state investigator who arrested him and the moron starts chatting with him, verbal diarrhea all over the place. My buddy physically grabbed him and said, “Shut the fuck up!” Fifth Amendment in action.
July 8th, 2009 at 10:12 pm
My level of paranoia is mile high. I’ve told my wife the same thing (more politely) your prof said. I’ve never been in trouble, but it just doesn’t seem worth trying to make the cop my buddy. Same thing with the media. They’re not your friend.
July 8th, 2009 at 10:19 pm
Things aren’t very genteel in that world, I guess.
Here is an all-time classic on how NOT to deal with the po-lice:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uj0mtxXEGE8
July 8th, 2009 at 10:27 pm
“Don’t ride with a mad woman.” Hilarious.
July 8th, 2009 at 10:31 pm
In China, there’s less room in terms of civil offenses. Usually, they execute the guy, wrap his head in gauze and tell the family to come retrieve him. This approach might get some of these SOX-evaders to take RICO a bit more seriously.;-)
July 9th, 2009 at 12:09 am
I imagine the segment on ‘choosing your daddy’ is worth the price of consulting fees alone