Last night, I asked what the letters “U B S” stood for — using “U Better Sing” and “Unreliable Bankers Swiss” as examples.

Readers responded with dozens of examples of possible other names that worked well. In fact, there were quite a few fantastic suggestions, which I culled down to a Letterman style short list of my favorites:

Top 10 Things the Letters “UBS” Stands For

10. Uncle Broke Sam
9. Unlocked Banking Secrets
8. Untaxed Bastards Suffer!
7. Uber Blown Secrecy
6. Untrustworthy Bankster Swine
5. Used to BS (the IRS)
4. Unconcealed Banknote Storage
3. Unlawful Benefits Seized
2. U’d Better Surrender

and the number one thing UBS stands for:

1. Utilize Bahamas, Swiftly!

Honorable Mentions after the jump . . .

U’r Bank Sux (mine is better)
U Been Swissed
Unverschämte Bankiererschwindler” (= Shameless Swindling Bankers
Utterly Broken System
UncleSam’s Bitch in Switzerland
Unlucky Buffoons Snafued
U’ve Been Screwed
Universal Bean Spillers
Unfaithful Bank of Snitcherland
Unmitigated Blabbing of Secrets
Undisclosed Billions Still
Ultimate Bitch Slap
Universally Bullshiting Sycophants
Uncoordinated Bankers Society
Ugly Banking Solutions
United Bullying States
U Bilked Sam
Up your Butt with a Strapon
Unscrupulous Bourgeois Sentenced
U B Sentenced

And a special “creative honorable mention” for spell it backwards in SMS text messaging…
S2BU = Sucks 2 Be You

Category: Humor, Legal

Please use the comments to demonstrate your own ignorance, unfamiliarity with empirical data and lack of respect for scientific knowledge. Be sure to create straw men and argue against things I have neither said nor implied. If you could repeat previously discredited memes or steer the conversation into irrelevant, off topic discussions, it would be appreciated. Lastly, kindly forgo all civility in your discourse . . . you are, after all, anonymous.

17 Responses to “Top 10 Things the Letters “UBS” Stands For”

  1. Bruce in Tn says:

    This morning UBS stands for Unemployment BAFFLES Sam….

    I see England is declaring their recession over…this is the, I think, Vietnam solution…declare victory and go home…

    Try to talk with my banker today and see how the local banking business is doing.


  2. danm says:

    I have a few friends who wanted to open a Swiss bank account or one offshore. I told them to make sure they had a LOT of money and CLOUT because their money could just disappear… and it’s kind of hard to go to court to get your money back when you’re evading taxes.

    Now the reasons got even more straightforward!

  3. Bruce in Tn says:

    Also this morning UBS stands for Undo Bailout Subsidies….

    Dealers want end to Cash for Clunkers

    NEW YORK ( — The National Automobile Dealers Association is urging the federal government to begin shutting down the Cash for Clunkers program immediately.

  4. Paul S says:

    I missed this. My late entry is: Unadulterated Bull Shit.

  5. jc says:

    Those unemploment numbers are disheartening. If the consumer can’t work or borrow thru his home ATM there is no consumer.

  6. Groty says:

    Untaxed Billions Seized

  7. Bruce N Tennessee says:

    Hey Ben 22:

    In the spirit of our common dislike of the MSM’s use of Unexpectedly:

    Unexpectedly Bad Statistics (this am….)

  8. Bruce N Tennessee says:

    Barry must be tied up this morning, or he’d have commented on the UE numbers…

    I see new orders improved in the Philly survey…


    Will these kinds of things offset the increasing foreclosures and very high unemployment?

    I guess we’ll see.

  9. going broke says:


    Google… Upgraded By Sachs

    more Useless BS

  10. cvienne says:

    …late entries (BR, this needs to get carried on because I haven’t laughed so hard since…well…since GM)

    U’d Better Skiptown
    Ultimately: Balances Shredded
    Unlikely2 Become Saints

    …and my favorite two new entries

    Utterly Buttplugged Skidaddys
    Unleash Beatty-esque Squeal

  11. beaufou says:

    I think Groty deserves a mention for Untaxed Billions Seized.

    This is more about individuals cheating the system than Swiss bankers allowing them to do so.

  12. Mortimus says:

    U Bitches Suckedit

  13. ewmayer says:

    I say hit ‘em in the own language (or at least one of the multiple “official Swiss languages” which they use to rip off or incite-to-tax-cheat their European clients), so I’m gonna go with a German acronym here -UBS stands for

    “Unverschämte BankiererSchwindler” ( = Shameless Swindling Bankers)


    “Unübertroffene Beratung für Steuerhinterzieher” ( = Unsurpassed Advice for Tax Cheats).

    Any way you slice it, it boils down to “U oughta Be aShamed of yourselves”…

    Not that I’m a huge fan of paying taxes (especially seeing as where our U.S. govt is spending them), but UBS and its fellow secrecy-loving banks around the world are nothing more than organized criminal enterprises dedicated to enabling the wealthy to engage in tax fraud. Can’t believe the U.S. (and other tax-cheated) governments are stopping short of shutting these rackets down, period.

  14. trw says:

    It just hit me…late
    UnBelievably Stupid

  15. hebustetram says:

    as traders say it stand for:

    Use to Be Smart

  16. super_trooper says:

    @ewmayer, missed the grammar section while studying German?

  17. Shawn says:

    Somebody at Wall Street & Technology seems to be reading your blog.
    See subject line.

    UBS Settlement Could Unlock Bank Secrecy

    Too funny