Goldman: Flu Fear Spurs Donation!
By Rick Ambrose - November 18th, 2009, 7:30PM
(Rooters, New York): Having inoculated its employees with H1N1 vaccine dosages usurped from pregnant women and children, Goldman Sachs has increased its vigilance against the contagious virus by banning employee contact with spare change.
An internal memo outlines steps staff should take to avoid becoming ill, starting with the eradication of the potentially infected currency that may have lodged itself under the seats of their automobiles. The hazardous materials are being collected and sent to Small Business for disposal.
The memo also advised employees to “resist the urge to open your own car door ; let your driver do it.”
-Richard Ambrose
November 18th, 2009 at 7:46 pm
What’s next, let them eat cake?
November 18th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
While the risk of such an occurence is considered remote, Goldman employees were advised not to perform holiday volunteer work at soup kitchens or other locations frequented by poor people. “We are taking this action to avoid any potential contamination of employees in key profit centers.” Said Lucas Von Pragg, spokesperson for Goldman Sachs. He went on to say, “We feel we can better help these people by continuing our good work at making the markets more efficient for all.”
November 18th, 2009 at 8:25 pm
Somehow, the poingant tone of ‘F#ck The Masses’ seems to resonate instep with “Doing God’s Work”.
As always, your mileage may vary……
“Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often. ” -Mark Twain
November 18th, 2009 at 9:01 pm
A flash mob should form outside of 85 Broad @ 8.15 am and start sneezing and coughing.
November 18th, 2009 at 9:08 pm
Hells fires wouldn’t be hot enough for some scum.
November 18th, 2009 at 9:15 pm
Whatever else they do, I can’t help thinking that “Vampire Squid” moniker is going to stick for a long long time. And well deserved it is (Selling CDO’s to clients whilst prop trading short? No conflict there, different group. Maybe GS is becoming a franchise operation?)
November 18th, 2009 at 9:21 pm
More GS front-running? LOL!
November 18th, 2009 at 9:25 pm
From the “Talk is Cheap Department”
Geithner Calls on US Banks to Boost Lending
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704335904574496850939846712.html?mod=googlenews_wsj
November 18th, 2009 at 9:25 pm
“We feel we can better help these people by continuing our good work at making the markets more efficient for all.”
The word ‘efficient’ from GS and any other corporatism member is such a crock it makes me sick.
Efficient to these people means secretive and easily manipulated with high profit potential to the principals. Bullshit Bullshit Bullshit.
November 18th, 2009 at 9:38 pm
My driver always opens the door for me, wipes my ass too. I just wish he wouldn’t lick his fingers soooooo much. Do G-S God’s work employees lick their fingers too?
November 18th, 2009 at 9:39 pm
“We participated in things that were clearly wrong and have reason to regret,” Blankfein reportedly said, adding “we apologize.”
And, what were these things that were clearly wrong? TOTALLY FUCKING OVER THE ECONOMY OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA is one that just happens to come to my mind.
My children will thank you from their positions in a second rate nation. But you will probably be residing in some Tuscany Villa amusing your pals with stories about how you and the gang brought down the strongest nation in the world and made millions while doing it.
You are a prick!
November 18th, 2009 at 9:47 pm
bsneath,
Totally disgree with you. It will be The Cyamn Islands and it was Billions not Millions.
November 18th, 2009 at 9:59 pm
I employ illegal ethnic minorities to open doors for me, is that so wrong?
November 18th, 2009 at 10:33 pm
“Word” and all, but this is drivel.
November 18th, 2009 at 11:01 pm
Here is an example of how screwed up the Investment Banks have left this country after years of plying people with debt.
FHA-Backed Lending Is a ‘Train Wreck,’ Toll Says
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601103&sid=aRsDeHu7ywas
The average American is so indebted that the FHA must allow 3.5% down payment loans in a desperate attempt to jump start a broken economic system. This thing is going to cascade down and down for decades to come.
Thank you Goldman Sachs for your brilliant and astute contributions in creating an over leveraged irresponsible financial system, for impoverishing the common man and for bring down this nation’s economy all in the name of personal greed. Way to go. By the way, what nation’s economy do you intend to ruin next after you have run the last vestiges of ours into the ground? I am certain many nations will welcome you with open arms based on your reputation as trustworthy servants performing God’s good work.
And by the way, using $500 million of stockholders funds to buy goodwill for your $30 billion in bonuses is unadulterated bullshit. The cause is without doubt good. The motives and source of funding is typical of a narcissistic culture that knows of nothing but the art of manipulation to achieve personal gratification.
And as for your not-so-veiled threat that “if we go down, you will to”, just what kind of an arrogant prick are you? Your words will come to haunt you. The Nation’s anger in nothing today like it will be after one million jobless lose benefits in January and after the second wave of this recession strikes and we have no ammo left to fight with. No, the scenario is going to be, “as the nation goes down, you will be brought down.” Once the pawns of your power are removed, those many individuals whom you have harmed will gather the courage to strike back at you. That is the day when the lights will be turned on and the roaches will attempt to scurry into the cracks. That is the day justice will be served.
November 18th, 2009 at 11:24 pm
Rep. Peter DeFazio called for the firing of President Barack Obama’s top two economic aides on Wednesday for pursuing a recovery plan skewed too heavily towards Wall Street’s favor.
The Oregon Democrat told MSNBC’s Ed Schultz that he was dismayed with the administration’s lack of focus on job creation and insisted it was time to dismiss both White House economic adviser Larry Summers and Treasury Secretary “Timmy Geithner.”
“We think it is time, maybe, that we turn our focus to Main Street
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/11/18/rep-defazio-fire-timmy-ge_n_363093.html
November 18th, 2009 at 11:29 pm
Janet Tavakoli
President, Tavakoli Structured Finance, Inc.
Posted: November 17, 2009 06:00 PM
Goldman Sachs Nearly Bankrupted AIG
“Goldman’s trading activities played a starring role in the near collapse of the global markets.”
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/janet-tavakoli/goldman-sachs-nearly-bank_b_361342.html
November 18th, 2009 at 11:34 pm
Two Leading House Dems Will Close $50 Trillion Loophole In Derivatives Reform Bills
“The broker-dealers are gouging their customers,” said Dolde, who once was a top executive at Lehman Brothers and Citibank Investment Bank. Broker-dealers are the big Wall Street banks that dominate the market in derivatives, like Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley and JPMorgan Chase. The top five — JPMorgan Chase, Goldman Sachs, Bank of America, Citibank and Wells Fargo — control 97 percent of the market.
But despite Frank’s and Peterson’s commitment to eliminate the loophole, it will likely be an uphill struggle – because Wall Street doesn’t like the idea, and will fight it. “And what they’re hoping is that if they make it complicated enough, people will just throw up their hands and go back to what they were doing and forget it,” Brown said
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/11/18/exclusive-two-leading-hou_n_362154.html
November 18th, 2009 at 11:41 pm
Goldman’s $500 Million Is Day Late, Dollar Short: Mark Gilbert
“Tax-deductible gestures are no longer sufficient to comfort those who have seen their pension pots devastated by the credit crisis; even with this year’s rallies, the total value of the major global stock exchanges is still a bit less than $45 trillion, down from a peak of almost $62 trillion at the end of 2007, before the subprime meltdown wrecked the global economy. ”
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601039&sid=asjp51YPDwJU
November 18th, 2009 at 11:48 pm
This is truly unbelievable. Goldman Sachs is using $22.6 billion in FDIC Insured low interest debt. The government is subsidizing Goldman Sachs trading activities? So the government cannot think of any better uses of FDIC insured funds than to promote larger bonuses for investment bankers? What the fuck is going on?
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/11/18/goldman-sachs-drop-in-the_n_362932.html
On Tuesday, Goldman Sachs announced it would commit $500 million to help small businesses, garnering the financial giant headlines and buzz for its altruism.
But that’s just a small fraction of the money the company has reaped thanks to taxpayer-supported government programs since last September.
* It’s barely a fifth of the $2.3 billion the company has saved thanks to a Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation guarantee to help banks raise money, according to a Wall Street Journal estimate. Goldman Sachs had $22.6 billion in outstanding debt issued through this program as of Sept. 30, according to its most recent regulatory filing.
* It’s about four percent of the $12.9 billion the firm received through the government’s bailout of insurance giant AIG. This backdoor bailout helped Goldman Sachs rid itself of toxic assets. A government watchdog report released this week argues that the government team — led by current Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner — overpaid and, generally speaking, failed nearly every step of the way in its negotiations.
And the new charity is only three percent of the $16.7 billion the company has set aside for employee salaries and bonuses.
November 18th, 2009 at 11:59 pm
Nouriel Roubini
A tale of two American economies
Moreover, income and wealth inequality is rising again. Poorer households are at greater risk of unemployment, falling wages or reductions in hours worked, all leading to lower labour income, whereas on Wall Street, outrageous bonuses have returned with a vengeance. With the stock market rising and home prices still falling, the wealthy are becoming richer, while the middle class and the poor – whose main wealth is a house rather than equities – are becoming poorer and being saddled with an unsustainable debt burden.
So, while the United States may technically be close to the end of a severe recession, most of America is facing a near-depression. Little wonder, then, that few Americans believe that what walks like a duck and quacks like a duck is actually the phoenix of recovery.
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/opinions/a-tale-of-two-american-economies/article1366935/
November 19th, 2009 at 5:31 am
Onion alert, gotta be.
Does this fall under the category of “Truth is Stranger than Fiction” or it can’t be real must be an Onion thing. I’m voting Onion.
Looking through the looking glass would best describe this. Even GS can’t be this stupid/deprived/etc. But who would of thought that billions of dollars from us poor folk could end up being paid to the multimillionaires. Now the farmers are pretty good at this sort of thing, only it’s millions being paid to millionaires from the poor working class under the rube of farm subsidies.
May you live in interesting times.
November 19th, 2009 at 7:33 am
Don nation? Is that what we now call it?
Funny in my book I’d consider it appropriations of funds made for restitution.
Memo to Beelzebub:
Hell’s fires aren’t hot enough for some of the slag on earth.
November 19th, 2009 at 7:40 am
farmera1 — I agree – it’s gotta be the Onion — mine eyes are tearing up big time
My first reaction — I went ballistic. It IS very believable and certainly within their “heavenly realms”
BUT…..
BR always posts the link to the story. No link to reuters. Many other financial blogs are now posting this and the only link is to TBP.
Good One Mr. Ambrose! You certainly had me going.
November 19th, 2009 at 8:37 am
Rick Ambrose also wrote the LLoyds Prayer.
btw, I found this on Mish’s website by Black Swan:
Pledge of Subservience
I pledge Allegiance to the Fed
of the United States of America
and to the corruption for which it stands,
one nation under Goldman, easily divisible,
with criminal acts against all.
November 19th, 2009 at 8:49 am
in 2001-2002 i worked for bob hurst the co-chairman of Goldman Sachs who also ran a 9/11 non-profit. i was interviewed at 85 broad and spent much time there. this gave me the opportunity to mingle with numerous senior executive who were contributing to the 9/11 work and their underlings. i can tell you everything you hear and read about that company is still understating the god complex and winner take all at any cost attitude that permeates the culture of that firm. they absolutely feel they are above the rest and as such allows them to be beyond contestation.
November 19th, 2009 at 9:47 am
Rikky Says – they absolutely feel they are above the rest and as such allows them to be beyond contestation.
Agreed. I have many past experiences with employees from GS and other investment banks. All had very sharp folks, but no doubt, GS hired many of the best and they knew it. Their confidence, swagger and keen intellect fosters a culture of arrogant superiority.
When dealing with politicians or bureaucrats, the sheer weight of their personalities will dominate the debate and intimidate the other side into rolling over.
There is no doubt in my mind that Goldman Sachs was instrumental in nearly every aspect of the conditions that led to the financial meltdown. Be it the repeal of Glass-Steagall, convincing the Federal Reserve that they must have unlimited leverage capability to compete internationally or convincing the rating agencies that their models and risk management controls were of such sophistication that mortgage securities warranted triple A ratings.
November 19th, 2009 at 9:53 am
As soon as I saw the headline that Goldman was to ‘help’ small and medium-sized business wit $500M I knew it was BS.
Starting with the fact that is to be lent out over a space of five years. On top of that, 500 million spread over 10,ooo companies works out to about $50K each. Unless all they are helping out are neighbourhood convenience stores or mall kiosks, that $50K isn’t going to go very far.
Goldman’s very lucky most journalists aren’t good in math and most headline writers are completely innumerate…
Even worse, from the Bloomberg article bsneath posted:
GS will shell out $200 million to educational institutions to help guide business owners, with a further $300 million invested for lending and philanthropy aimed at community development groups
Hmmm…. How much will actually be left over for business by the time it’s filtered through all these groups, which in all likelihood are connected to Goldman Sachs already?
November 19th, 2009 at 10:28 am
Jessica6 Says: “…with a further $300 million invested for lending and philanthropy aimed at community development groups…”
The key phrase: COMMUNITY GROUPS
It looks like the bulk of the money is really intended to strengthen Goldman Sach’s influence in the Obama Administration by funneling money to community groups. Philanthropy? I highly doubt that is the case. Likely used more as a disguise to purchase political favor when it is needed most.
If Buffett is involved in the seedy side of this scheme, then his goodwill is going to be toast. I guess when you play with snakes it is best to be one yourself.
What a-hats. Simply unbelievable.
November 19th, 2009 at 11:57 am
Can we have the source link for this?
This is fun, but it would be nice if we could confirm such a memo.
Tired of impotent rage….would like to move up to “consequences”. Can’t do that when the data is so unreliable………
November 19th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
@subscriptionblocker
You’re right; what’s the source link? The description fails my ’spit test’.
In fairness, it should be said that when G-S (and others) got the H1N1 vaccine it was for use on only those who were considered eligible. The NIH distributes short supplies to large firms as the most efficient way to get the most people vaccinated in the shortest time.
P.S. I think Taibbi was right on but that doesn’t excuse stretching the truth.
November 19th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
Sorry, can’t avoid a political comment about these classic limousine liberals at Goldman Sachs……GS employees gave close to $1 million to Obama and practically nothing to McCain. I think that’s relevant somewhere in the cosmos.
November 20th, 2009 at 2:20 am
[...] H1N1 flu shot well ahead of millions of America’s school children, sent this health tip in a memo to its pampered, out-of-touch execs: “Resist the urge to open your own car door; let your [...]
November 20th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
[...] we can all agree on November 20, 2009 — Richard by dandeluca Goldman: Flu Fear Spurs Donation!: [Via The Big Picture] (Reuters) New York: Having inoculated its employees with H1N1 vaccine [...]
November 21st, 2009 at 10:46 am
[...] the H1N1 flu shot well ahead of millions of America’s school children, sent this health tip in a memo to its pampered, out-of-touch execs: “Resist the urge to open your own car door; let your driver [...]