A hedge fund manager in Tokyo sends this along:

>

Tiger, Tiger bonking bright
in the fleshpots of the night
what immortal eye or hand
could restore your tarnished brand?

On what porn star’s breasts and thighs,
burnt the fire of your eyes
on what course did your ball run
as you sunk a hole in one?

You always looked so squeaky clean
as you strode across  the green
what  a relief  for other  men
to know deep down you’re just like  them

All the endorsements down the drain
in what place was kept  your  brain
how deep the bunker, how long the grass
how costly all the tits and ass

Why did you keep your clubs so handy
why did you marry a fearsome scandie
at golf you’ll always be a winner
at cheating you’re a rank beginner

Tiger, Tiger bonking bright
in the fleshpots of the night
what immortal eye or hand
could restore your tarnished brand?

Category: Humor, Really, really bad calls

Please use the comments to demonstrate your own ignorance, unfamiliarity with empirical data and lack of respect for scientific knowledge. Be sure to create straw men and argue against things I have neither said nor implied. If you could repeat previously discredited memes or steer the conversation into irrelevant, off topic discussions, it would be appreciated. Lastly, kindly forgo all civility in your discourse . . . you are, after all, anonymous.

14 Responses to “THE TIGER (with apologies to William Blake)”

  1. Deborah Solomon says:

    Twas the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house

    Tiger Woods came a flyin’, chased by his spouse..

    She wielded a nine iron and wasn’t too merry,

    Cause a bimbo’s phone number was in his Blackberry.

    He’d been cheatin’ on Elin, and the story progressed.

    Woman after woman stepped up and confessed.

    He’d been cheatin’ with Holly, and Jaimee, and Cori,

    With Joselyn, and Kalika. The world had the story.

    From the top of the Tour to the basement of blues,

    Tiger’s sad sordid tale was all over the news.

    With hostesses, waitresses, he had lots of sex,

    When not in their pants, he was sendin’ them texts.

    Despite all his cryin’ and beggin’ and pleadin’,

    Tiger’s wife went investin’ — a new home in Sweden.

    And I heard her exclaim from her white Escalade,

    “If you’re gettin’ laid then I’m gettin’ paid.”

    She’s not pouting, in fact, she is of jolly good cheer,

    Her prenup made Christmas come early this year.

  2. Simon says:

    Excellent work Deborah! I especially like the seasonal context. I think I’m finally getting into the swing of Xmas :)

  3. bobmitchell says:

    The woods-mcartney foundation, seeking to end alimony forever.

  4. Jonathan says:

    You can win as many PGA tours as you want, but you mess around with 17 porn stars and you will always be remembered as “that guy that messed around with 17 porn stars”.

  5. microcap says:

    [apologies to Rudolph his ownself]

    Tiger, the perfect golfer,
    Couldn’t keep it in his pants,
    All of the skanky porn stars,
    Really made his putter dance.

    Then on one Thanksgiving night,
    Tiger had to pay,
    For all those 18 extra holes,
    That Tiger should never play,

    Now Elin’s got all the money,
    And when she visits all the banks,
    Tiger, the perfect golfer,
    Now suffers from the shanks!

  6. djmayer says:

    I like these songs, but only problem is that Tiger has now changed his name to:

    “Cheetah”

    ;-)

  7. alfred e says:

    How very entertaining and tragic.

    Perfect material for a Shakespearean tragic comedy.

    Some things never change.

    Apparently Tiger’s handlers didn’t quite get the job done. Or they knew the flaws for a long time, and knew they could not be controlled.

    But then again they were on the gravy train. Why rock the boat with reality.

    In this day and age with every cell phone in the world is equipped with a camera, and every text and email down loadable to a PC and the world, what celebrity in their right mind would unzip their pants in a room occupied by anyone else.

    Modern technology is encouraging the elites to return to a Victorian value system. Perhaps. Perhaps not. They all still have more money than they can spend so why not rub every fans’ face in the elitism of it all.

  8. kmckellop says:

    As goes Tiger, so goes the sport. Bull market sports such as Golf will be another casualty of this secular bear market.

  9. mathman says:

    As will “lawn maintenance” eventually.

  10. LLouis says:

    Tiger Woods Foundation … TWF … 25k for a week-end !!! … WTF !?! … WFT now ?
    Role model status vaporized in a few days …

    Why is this mentioned here in this financial blog ?
    Another example of big money flushing, here on an individual scale.
    Excessive amounts of money are dilapidated uselessly and so easily in America and all over the world while so many struggle to basically survive, or struggle to save some money for their future.

  11. A hedge fund manager in Tokyo …

    Give me a Blake !!!

  12. Onlooker from Troy says:

    Cheetah

    Yeah, not bad. But I like Tomcat better.