Okay, its time for a little fun.

Like the cartoon caption contests the New Yorker runs each month, we are going to have our own little contest.

Whoever comes up the funniest, cleverest most poignant punch line for this photo, wins a signed copy of Bailout Nation.

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Note: Modern Arthur‘s witty “Christ, What an Asshole!” answer to every New Yorker Magazine Caption Contest is disqualified . . .

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Bonus caption contest:

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Try a different caption for The Fabulous Fab !

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Category: Humor, Psychology

Please use the comments to demonstrate your own ignorance, unfamiliarity with empirical data and lack of respect for scientific knowledge. Be sure to create straw men and argue against things I have neither said nor implied. If you could repeat previously discredited memes or steer the conversation into irrelevant, off topic discussions, it would be appreciated. Lastly, kindly forgo all civility in your discourse . . . you are, after all, anonymous.

426 Responses to “Blankfein Photo Caption Contest”

  1. Remember, “Christ, What an Asshole!” is disqualified

  2. tradeking13 says:

    “That depends on what your definition of ‘shitty‘ is”

  3. For bonus contest: “What, me worry?”

  4. garo says:

    “I am just doing God’s work, shovelling all this shit out to widows and orphans.”

    Fab (with a French accent):
    “Do you like my petit monstruosity, eh?”

  5. garo says:

    Make that:
    “Marine, do you like my petit monstruosity, eh?”

  6. ubnutsagain says:

    Blankfein was “open” to the ministrations of Dr. Levin, DDS. The use of Novacain was waived.

    Said The Fabulous Fab: “No shit!”

  7. Mannwich says:

    “Wah, wah, don’t you know I’m doing God’s work, goddammit?! No more campaign donations for you!”

  8. Ken B says:

    I’m shorting me!

  9. kcowan says:

    “So I told Fab to tell it like it is!”

    Fab: “No shit! Now you tell me!”

  10. Amos Satterlee says:

    Blank: “Where’s my Precious?”

    Fab: “I can carry the ring for you, Master Frodo.”

  11. KeithOK says:

    A little patience please. I’m shoveling as fast as I can.

  12. DP says:

    “You’ve been giving Hank’s TARP money to companies making shitty cars since this whole thing started, so what’s wrong with a few shitty mortgages?”

  13. jrod918 says:

    Senator, trust me, this is the best CDO you can buy! In fact, we call it “The Shit”!

  14. Eric says:

    Blank: “Trust me, we’d Never do such a thing!!”

    Fab: “Really, I said that!!”

  15. crankitto11 says:

    Lloyd: “I want my Maypo!” (For you young whippersnappers, see: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_0qsG9ndGI)

  16. Eric says:

    Opps…

    For Fab put a question marks where the exclaimation marks are.

  17. Adult Franklin411 says:

    Lloyd: “No, Senator. When you have sophisticated investors, dildo PLUS reach-around equals no conflict.”

    Fab: “What do you mean only my personal emails were released?”

  18. Purewater says:

    How dare you call me a greedy, lying, thief! I’m not greedy!

  19. Mannwich says:

    Fab: “What, me worry? I already made my millions fleecing orphans and widows.”

  20. mlarson25 says:

    “Sir, honestly, you are making it appear as if our pants are on the ground.”

    For Fab:

    “I like it both ways sir – I’m French.”

  21. amazed says:

    But we earned those bonuses, every cent of it!

  22. Mannwich says:

    @Adult Frankie. LOL.

  23. abkaplan says:

    Blankfein: “I am not a crook!”

    Fab: “Sacre bleu! What of my campaign donations? J’accuse!”

  24. Godswork says:

    “Honestly, just doing God’s work and the left hand didn’t know what the right was betting on!”

  25. flipspiceland says:

    “This is how it works. In my left hand, sir, is IBK’ s bung hole. In my right hand is a Taser. Now watch.”

  26. zero cool says:

    Blankfein: Never trust a Sicilian when debt is on the line!

  27. nedbrines says:

    No, if anyone orders Merlot, I’m leaving. I am NOT drinking any f…ing Merlot!

  28. Marcus Aurelius says:

    Blankfein: “So when the devil comes around trying to find out if I shorted him on some trash I sold him, I grabs my own pitch fork — just like this — and I tells him I’ll shove it up his ass if he comes pokin’ ’round again!”

  29. Bomber Girl says:

    Lloyd: “It’s only two binders of emails”. or alternatively: “There is always a buyer and a seller; how much are you?”
    Fab: “Moi?”

  30. WFTA says:

    “…..we are selling weak securities all the time. We decided to offer a special on shitties for our most loyal and sophisticated clients.”

  31. Bala says:

    Blankfein
    “No Senator…For the last time, I am not Mikey Mouse”

    The Fabulous Fab
    “You’re gonna put it where?”

  32. catman says:

    Blankfein: I tried to lay down the bunt. Fab: What do you mean I missed the sign.

  33. thatguydrinksbeer says:

    “INCONCEIVABLE!”

  34. flipspiceland says:

    Fab:

    “Mr. Frank, do you want to touch my butt?”

  35. Elier says:

    Blankfein
    “They made me an offer I couldn’t refuse. What would you have me do?”

    Fab
    “Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me?”

  36. jrod918 says:

    Blankfein: Senator, trust me, this is the best CDO you can buy! In fact, we call it “The Shit”!

    Fab: Oui, c’est le merd!

  37. amazed says:

    Can we help it that our clients are so stupid?

  38. zero cool says:

    Fab: Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorance on this thing, because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing is frowned upon… you know, cause I’ve worked in a lot of offices, and I tell you, people do that all the time. (HT George Costanza)

  39. Gabriel says:

    My caption didn’t go through. Am I blocked, Barry? Care to tell me why, so that I can either rectify your beef or stop my participation!

    ~~~

    BR: This is the only one of yours I see — but we’ve been overwhelmed — try it again

  40. pojocinco says:

    “in the context of risk management we are short on Health Care Reform as well”

  41. carrottop says:

    1. “don’t tase me, bro!”

    2.”boo-yah”
    or
    2.”im just here for the pizza”

  42. innocentbystander says:

    Blank: “Turning water into wine just a warmup. You should see what I do with toxic assests!”

    Fab: “It’s a miracle St. Llyod! A $16Bn bonus pool made from 5 loaves of bread and 2 fishes? You are truly doing the Lord’s work!”

  43. nedbrines says:

    and Fab said “Speak for yourself. I get chicks lookin’ at me all the time. All ages. Dudes too.’

  44. Winston Munn says:

    Senator: “What is a GS CDO really worth?”
    Blankfein: ” ‘Bout a hundred dollars. Yeah. A hundred dollars.”

    Fabulous Fab: “I’m a very good driver.”

  45. Marcus Aurelius says:

    Fab (re: above): “Trust me — it’s true. I seen it, man. Dude will jack your ass up with that pitch fork.”

  46. Daffyorbugs says:

    Lloyd: Please! Wait till I switch feet!

  47. crunched says:

    Blankfein: “They always look like that!” – (referring to the despondent, stupefied, gaze of his fellow Goldmanites behind him to the left and right.

  48. mister_x says:

    Blankfein:
    “I want to punch the distinguished Senator in the face!”
    (ala the E*Trade baby)

    Fab Fab:
    “What am I doing here? Did I just wake up from a bad dream?”

  49. cpd says:

    “I’m mad and I’m not going to take it anymore!”

  50. BadBisco says:

    Blankfein expresses that he is nearly a laugh
    but really a cry.

    Fab: “C’est impossible. Zees CDO has three Michelin stars!”

  51. mikef says:

    Blankfein: You want me to read the whole prospectus?

  52. Elier says:

    Caption 1
    “Just when I thought I was out, you pull me back in!!”

  53. jbmoore61 says:

    Blankfein: “We thoroughly screwed our customers? Inconceivable!”

    Fab: “I just sold him one tiny wafer mint. I didn’t know he’d explode!”

  54. madupri says:

    Blankfein: Ouch Senator…that really hurt…Senaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatorrrrrrr !!

  55. carleric says:

    Of course our reputation is important….almost as much as money

  56. Gary Greenberg says:

    Fabulous Fab: “What deer in the headlights?”

  57. R. Cain says:

    “Senator, what part of ‘market maker’ don’t you understand?!”

  58. Trevor says:

    Blankfein: “Waaaaah…” (We were caught.)

    Fabulous Fab: “I didn’t know….”

  59. beaufou says:

    Fab: who, moi?

    Blankfein: I can’t read!!!

  60. Mannwich says:

    Lloyd: “Stop making fun of my lisp. And, no I do not look like Mr. Burns from “The Simpsons”.

  61. Winston Munn says:

    Blankfein: “It’s not dead. It’s resting. Woderful plumage, the ABACUS.”

    Fabulous Fab: “A nod’s as good as a wink to a blind bat.”

  62. Bomber Girl says:

    LB: “But it’s all in the Ferengi rules of acquisition.”

  63. Marcus Aurelius says:

    Blankfein: “C’mon! Throw the frisbee, damn it! I swear to god, I can catch it in my mouth!”

    Fabulous Fab: ““Trust me — it’s true. I once seen the dude put 3 softballs in his mouth at once. A frisbee? No problemo.”

  64. Mike M says:

    “Inconceivable!”

  65. jhunt says:

    Shoveling this much shit requires a shovel this big.

  66. judyo says:

    I don’t wanna go to bed, Mommy.

  67. Daffyorbugs says:

    Fab: ” I’m funny how? “

  68. jhunt says:

    For Fab:

    That’s a big shovel!

  69. nedbrines says:

    Dean Levin: Fab, what is the worst bank in this country?

    Fab: Well that would be hard to say, sir. They’re each outstanding in their own way.

    Dean Levin: Cut the horseshit, son. I’ve got their emails right here. Who sold trillions in “shitty” CDOs? Who had the gall to push for an AIG bailout? Every January, the bonuses are enormous. Every crisis, they lobby for a bailout.

    Fab: You’re talking about Goldman, sir.

    Dean Levin: Of course I’m talking about Goldman, you TWERP!

  70. Hunin says:

    Blankfein:
    “We never spiked the kool-aid while I was here. I cannot speak for the Paulson administration.”
    Fab:
    “Ohhhhh Yeahhhhhh”

  71. MIracle Max says:

    My entries:

    “Will no one rid me of this turbulent priest!?!?”

    “Dang, I’ve lost my place!”

  72. inessence says:

    Blank: “My swan song rendition in d minor for all of you ignorant fools on the other side of our trades”
    Fab: “They do what to little Frenchmen in prison!”

  73. thegold says:

    1. I gotta take this crap from congress? You people have been doing this since the ink used for “We the people” was even dry.
    2. Hey douches, Freedom Fries ain’t so funny now is it?

  74. shonari says:

    The main thing about money, Senators, is that it makes you do things you don’t want to do.

  75. Godswork says:

    “No! No! No! For the last time, ‘GS’ does NOT stamd for Ginormous Salaries!”

  76. dhan says:

    Blankfein: “They bought their tickets, they knew what they were getting into. I say, LET ‘EM CRASH!”

    Fab: “Merde!”

  77. Elier says:

    Blank: “You need our final word on this, Mr. Senator. All ships must sail in the same direction”

  78. bundfox says:

    LB ” I am doing Gods work, don’t hold me to account for that, I am just his pawn!”

    “Mr Tourre, were you aware that your Mother had invested her life savings into the Abacus CDO via a third party?”

  79. beaufou says:

    What’s worth shit is worth doing for money.

  80. sowilo says:

    Lloyd: “We had to destroy the mortgage market in order to save it.”

  81. Winston Munn says:

    Blankfein: An African Swallow or a European Swallow?

    Fabulous Fab: If you do not stop I shall taunt you again!

  82. V says:

    Lloyd B testifying to the senate: “Sir, they teased me at school with names like Oscar the Grouch, so I made damn sure everyone will be living in a trashcan”.

    Fab: “Senator, Look into my eyes … you WILL purchase shi*ty mortgage backed bonds”. – Freud was an amateur.

  83. carrottop says:

    2.”shitty is my middle name”.

  84. jsevenseven says:

    Blankfein “I don’t understand whats wrong, you guys all voted for Gramm-Leach-Bliley”

    Fab “No, in France it’s called a Grand Royale with Fromage”

  85. Eggolas Moria says:

    Blankfein: Senator, we’re entitled to those large bonuses! We’re smarter than our prey . . . er, I mean clients.

  86. cpd says:

    Fabulous Fab: “Ouch!”

  87. markd says:

    Where are the busses? I need buses to throw these people under!

    Why is that bus driving on the sidewalk?

  88. jcesguerra says:

    Blankfein: “You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth. Son, we live in a country with an investment gap. And that gap needs to be filled by men with money. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Middle Class Consumer? Goldman Sachs has a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Lehman and you curse derivatives. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what we know: that Lehman’s death, while tragic, probably saved the financial system. And that Goldman’s existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves pension funds. You don’t want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want us to fill that investment gap. You need us to fill that gap. “We use words like credit default swaps, collateralized debt obligation, and securitization? We use these words as the backbone of a life spent investing in something. You use ‘em as a punchline. We have neither the time nor the inclination to explain ourselves to a commoner who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very credit we provide, and then questions the manner in which we provide it! We’d rather you just said thank you and paid your taxes on time. Otherwise, we suggest you get an account and start trading. Either way, we don’t give a damn what you think you’re entitled to!”

    …but i gotta say, the guy who quoted george costanza is a genius

  89. Freestate says:

    Blankfein: “Senator, if we had to disclose to every client how we are going to screw them, we’d be out of business.”

    Fab: Que, moi l’inquiétude ? (What, me worry?)

  90. stevelaake says:

    Blankfein (paraphrasing Pink Floyd):

    “If you don’t sell yer crap, you can’t have any profit. How can you have any profits if you don’t sell yer crap?”

  91. Ramstone says:

    nedbrines wins.

  92. riffraff says:

    LB: “I’m going to buy this joint, just so I can fire the lot of you!”

    The Fab: “Um, you already own it sir…”

  93. rpole says:

    LB: “Whaaaat? This is how you make money hand over fist”
    LB: “Hey, my skills are legendary”
    LB: “Chics come in flocks when LB rocks!”
    LB: “I will never assume the position!”

  94. bsneath says:

    LB: “You wanna a shitty deal? Bend over. Ain’t that right Tourre?”

    FF: “Oui”

  95. axle says:

    Man in Black: All right. Where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right… and who is dead.

    Vizzini: But it’s so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy’s? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

  96. Andy K says:

    Blanky: “Would you like the underhand or overhand grip Senator?”

    Fab: “You got the whole fist up there doc?”

  97. shonari says:

    Well, you’re only Senators. What the hell do you know anyway?

  98. JohnDoe says:

    “Constipation sucks”

    Bonus: “Did Loyd just sh*t himself?”

  99. Freestate says:

    Balnkfein: “Yes, Senator, I am John Galt!”

    Fab: “Who? No, no, I am jeest Fabulous Fab.”

  100. Dan Prescott says:

    LB caption “Please understand….. Just like a dog, we do what we do…. because we can”