Blankfein Photo Caption Contest
By Barry Ritholtz - April 28th, 2010, 10:30AM
Okay, its time for a little fun.
Like the cartoon caption contests the New Yorker runs each month, we are going to have our own little contest.
Whoever comes up the funniest, cleverest most poignant punch line for this photo, wins a signed copy of Bailout Nation.
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Note: Modern Arthur‘s witty “Christ, What an Asshole!” answer to every New Yorker Magazine Caption Contest is disqualified . . .
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Bonus caption contest:
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Try a different caption for The Fabulous Fab !
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April 28th, 2010 at 10:33 am
Remember, “Christ, What an Asshole!” is disqualified
April 28th, 2010 at 10:34 am
“That depends on what your definition of ‘shitty‘ is”
April 28th, 2010 at 10:39 am
For bonus contest: “What, me worry?”
April 28th, 2010 at 10:40 am
“I am just doing God’s work, shovelling all this shit out to widows and orphans.”
Fab (with a French accent):
“Do you like my petit monstruosity, eh?”
April 28th, 2010 at 10:41 am
Make that:
“Marine, do you like my petit monstruosity, eh?”
April 28th, 2010 at 10:41 am
Blankfein was “open” to the ministrations of Dr. Levin, DDS. The use of Novacain was waived.
Said The Fabulous Fab: “No shit!”
April 28th, 2010 at 10:42 am
“Wah, wah, don’t you know I’m doing God’s work, goddammit?! No more campaign donations for you!”
April 28th, 2010 at 10:43 am
I’m shorting me!
April 28th, 2010 at 10:44 am
“So I told Fab to tell it like it is!”
Fab: “No shit! Now you tell me!”
April 28th, 2010 at 10:45 am
Blank: “Where’s my Precious?”
Fab: “I can carry the ring for you, Master Frodo.”
April 28th, 2010 at 10:47 am
A little patience please. I’m shoveling as fast as I can.
April 28th, 2010 at 10:49 am
“You’ve been giving Hank’s TARP money to companies making shitty cars since this whole thing started, so what’s wrong with a few shitty mortgages?”
April 28th, 2010 at 10:49 am
Senator, trust me, this is the best CDO you can buy! In fact, we call it “The Shit”!
April 28th, 2010 at 10:50 am
Blank: “Trust me, we’d Never do such a thing!!”
Fab: “Really, I said that!!”
April 28th, 2010 at 10:50 am
Lloyd: “I want my Maypo!” (For you young whippersnappers, see: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_0qsG9ndGI)
April 28th, 2010 at 10:51 am
Opps…
For Fab put a question marks where the exclaimation marks are.
April 28th, 2010 at 10:52 am
Lloyd: “No, Senator. When you have sophisticated investors, dildo PLUS reach-around equals no conflict.”
Fab: “What do you mean only my personal emails were released?”
April 28th, 2010 at 10:54 am
How dare you call me a greedy, lying, thief! I’m not greedy!
April 28th, 2010 at 10:54 am
Fab: “What, me worry? I already made my millions fleecing orphans and widows.”
April 28th, 2010 at 10:54 am
“Sir, honestly, you are making it appear as if our pants are on the ground.”
For Fab:
“I like it both ways sir – I’m French.”
April 28th, 2010 at 10:55 am
But we earned those bonuses, every cent of it!
April 28th, 2010 at 10:55 am
@Adult Frankie. LOL.
April 28th, 2010 at 10:56 am
Blankfein: “I am not a crook!”
Fab: “Sacre bleu! What of my campaign donations? J’accuse!”
April 28th, 2010 at 10:57 am
“Honestly, just doing God’s work and the left hand didn’t know what the right was betting on!”
April 28th, 2010 at 10:58 am
“This is how it works. In my left hand, sir, is IBK’ s bung hole. In my right hand is a Taser. Now watch.”
April 28th, 2010 at 10:59 am
Blankfein: Never trust a Sicilian when debt is on the line!
April 28th, 2010 at 10:59 am
No, if anyone orders Merlot, I’m leaving. I am NOT drinking any f…ing Merlot!
April 28th, 2010 at 11:00 am
Blankfein: “So when the devil comes around trying to find out if I shorted him on some trash I sold him, I grabs my own pitch fork — just like this — and I tells him I’ll shove it up his ass if he comes pokin’ ’round again!”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:00 am
Lloyd: “It’s only two binders of emails”. or alternatively: “There is always a buyer and a seller; how much are you?”
Fab: “Moi?”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:00 am
“…..we are selling weak securities all the time. We decided to offer a special on shitties for our most loyal and sophisticated clients.”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:01 am
Blankfein
“No Senator…For the last time, I am not Mikey Mouse”
The Fabulous Fab
“You’re gonna put it where?”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:01 am
Blankfein: I tried to lay down the bunt. Fab: What do you mean I missed the sign.
April 28th, 2010 at 11:01 am
“INCONCEIVABLE!”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:01 am
Fab:
“Mr. Frank, do you want to touch my butt?”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:03 am
Blankfein
“They made me an offer I couldn’t refuse. What would you have me do?”
Fab
“Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me?”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:03 am
Blankfein: Senator, trust me, this is the best CDO you can buy! In fact, we call it “The Shit”!
Fab: Oui, c’est le merd!
April 28th, 2010 at 11:03 am
Can we help it that our clients are so stupid?
April 28th, 2010 at 11:03 am
Fab: Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorance on this thing, because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing is frowned upon… you know, cause I’ve worked in a lot of offices, and I tell you, people do that all the time. (HT George Costanza)
April 28th, 2010 at 11:04 am
My caption didn’t go through. Am I blocked, Barry? Care to tell me why, so that I can either rectify your beef or stop my participation!
~~~
BR: This is the only one of yours I see — but we’ve been overwhelmed — try it again
April 28th, 2010 at 11:04 am
“in the context of risk management we are short on Health Care Reform as well”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:05 am
1. “don’t tase me, bro!”
2.”boo-yah”
or
2.”im just here for the pizza”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:05 am
Blank: “Turning water into wine just a warmup. You should see what I do with toxic assests!”
Fab: “It’s a miracle St. Llyod! A $16Bn bonus pool made from 5 loaves of bread and 2 fishes? You are truly doing the Lord’s work!”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:06 am
and Fab said “Speak for yourself. I get chicks lookin’ at me all the time. All ages. Dudes too.’
April 28th, 2010 at 11:06 am
Senator: “What is a GS CDO really worth?”
Blankfein: ” ‘Bout a hundred dollars. Yeah. A hundred dollars.”
Fabulous Fab: “I’m a very good driver.”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:06 am
Fab (re: above): “Trust me — it’s true. I seen it, man. Dude will jack your ass up with that pitch fork.”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:07 am
Lloyd: Please! Wait till I switch feet!
April 28th, 2010 at 11:08 am
Blankfein: “They always look like that!” – (referring to the despondent, stupefied, gaze of his fellow Goldmanites behind him to the left and right.
April 28th, 2010 at 11:08 am
Blankfein:
“I want to punch the distinguished Senator in the face!”
(ala the E*Trade baby)
Fab Fab:
“What am I doing here? Did I just wake up from a bad dream?”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:08 am
“I’m mad and I’m not going to take it anymore!”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:08 am
Blankfein expresses that he is nearly a laugh
but really a cry.
Fab: “C’est impossible. Zees CDO has three Michelin stars!”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:08 am
Blankfein: You want me to read the whole prospectus?
April 28th, 2010 at 11:10 am
Caption 1
“Just when I thought I was out, you pull me back in!!”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:11 am
Blankfein: “We thoroughly screwed our customers? Inconceivable!”
Fab: “I just sold him one tiny wafer mint. I didn’t know he’d explode!”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:11 am
Blankfein: Ouch Senator…that really hurt…Senaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatorrrrrrr !!
April 28th, 2010 at 11:12 am
Of course our reputation is important….almost as much as money
April 28th, 2010 at 11:13 am
Fabulous Fab: “What deer in the headlights?”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:13 am
“Senator, what part of ‘market maker’ don’t you understand?!”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:13 am
Blankfein: “Waaaaah…” (We were caught.)
Fabulous Fab: “I didn’t know….”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:13 am
Fab: who, moi?
Blankfein: I can’t read!!!
April 28th, 2010 at 11:13 am
Lloyd: “Stop making fun of my lisp. And, no I do not look like Mr. Burns from “The Simpsons”.
April 28th, 2010 at 11:15 am
Blankfein: “It’s not dead. It’s resting. Woderful plumage, the ABACUS.”
Fabulous Fab: “A nod’s as good as a wink to a blind bat.”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:15 am
LB: “But it’s all in the Ferengi rules of acquisition.”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:15 am
Blankfein: “C’mon! Throw the frisbee, damn it! I swear to god, I can catch it in my mouth!”
Fabulous Fab: ““Trust me — it’s true. I once seen the dude put 3 softballs in his mouth at once. A frisbee? No problemo.”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:16 am
“Inconceivable!”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:17 am
Shoveling this much shit requires a shovel this big.
April 28th, 2010 at 11:17 am
I don’t wanna go to bed, Mommy.
April 28th, 2010 at 11:17 am
Fab: ” I’m funny how? “
April 28th, 2010 at 11:17 am
For Fab:
That’s a big shovel!
April 28th, 2010 at 11:17 am
Dean Levin: Fab, what is the worst bank in this country?
Fab: Well that would be hard to say, sir. They’re each outstanding in their own way.
Dean Levin: Cut the horseshit, son. I’ve got their emails right here. Who sold trillions in “shitty” CDOs? Who had the gall to push for an AIG bailout? Every January, the bonuses are enormous. Every crisis, they lobby for a bailout.
Fab: You’re talking about Goldman, sir.
Dean Levin: Of course I’m talking about Goldman, you TWERP!
April 28th, 2010 at 11:17 am
Blankfein:
“We never spiked the kool-aid while I was here. I cannot speak for the Paulson administration.”
Fab:
“Ohhhhh Yeahhhhhh”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:18 am
My entries:
“Will no one rid me of this turbulent priest!?!?”
“Dang, I’ve lost my place!”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:18 am
Blank: “My swan song rendition in d minor for all of you ignorant fools on the other side of our trades”
Fab: “They do what to little Frenchmen in prison!”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:19 am
1. I gotta take this crap from congress? You people have been doing this since the ink used for “We the people” was even dry.
2. Hey douches, Freedom Fries ain’t so funny now is it?
April 28th, 2010 at 11:20 am
The main thing about money, Senators, is that it makes you do things you don’t want to do.
April 28th, 2010 at 11:20 am
“No! No! No! For the last time, ‘GS’ does NOT stamd for Ginormous Salaries!”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:21 am
Blankfein: “They bought their tickets, they knew what they were getting into. I say, LET ‘EM CRASH!”
Fab: “Merde!”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:21 am
Blank: “You need our final word on this, Mr. Senator. All ships must sail in the same direction”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:22 am
LB ” I am doing Gods work, don’t hold me to account for that, I am just his pawn!”
“Mr Tourre, were you aware that your Mother had invested her life savings into the Abacus CDO via a third party?”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:22 am
What’s worth shit is worth doing for money.
April 28th, 2010 at 11:22 am
Lloyd: “We had to destroy the mortgage market in order to save it.”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:22 am
Blankfein: An African Swallow or a European Swallow?
Fabulous Fab: If you do not stop I shall taunt you again!
April 28th, 2010 at 11:23 am
Lloyd B testifying to the senate: “Sir, they teased me at school with names like Oscar the Grouch, so I made damn sure everyone will be living in a trashcan”.
Fab: “Senator, Look into my eyes … you WILL purchase shi*ty mortgage backed bonds”. – Freud was an amateur.
April 28th, 2010 at 11:25 am
2.”shitty is my middle name”.
April 28th, 2010 at 11:25 am
Blankfein “I don’t understand whats wrong, you guys all voted for Gramm-Leach-Bliley”
Fab “No, in France it’s called a Grand Royale with Fromage”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:26 am
Blankfein: Senator, we’re entitled to those large bonuses! We’re smarter than our prey . . . er, I mean clients.
April 28th, 2010 at 11:26 am
Fabulous Fab: “Ouch!”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:26 am
Where are the busses? I need buses to throw these people under!
Why is that bus driving on the sidewalk?
April 28th, 2010 at 11:27 am
Blankfein: “You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth. Son, we live in a country with an investment gap. And that gap needs to be filled by men with money. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Middle Class Consumer? Goldman Sachs has a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Lehman and you curse derivatives. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what we know: that Lehman’s death, while tragic, probably saved the financial system. And that Goldman’s existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves pension funds. You don’t want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want us to fill that investment gap. You need us to fill that gap. “We use words like credit default swaps, collateralized debt obligation, and securitization? We use these words as the backbone of a life spent investing in something. You use ‘em as a punchline. We have neither the time nor the inclination to explain ourselves to a commoner who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very credit we provide, and then questions the manner in which we provide it! We’d rather you just said thank you and paid your taxes on time. Otherwise, we suggest you get an account and start trading. Either way, we don’t give a damn what you think you’re entitled to!”
…but i gotta say, the guy who quoted george costanza is a genius
April 28th, 2010 at 11:29 am
Blankfein: “Senator, if we had to disclose to every client how we are going to screw them, we’d be out of business.”
Fab: Que, moi l’inquiétude ? (What, me worry?)
April 28th, 2010 at 11:30 am
Blankfein (paraphrasing Pink Floyd):
“If you don’t sell yer crap, you can’t have any profit. How can you have any profits if you don’t sell yer crap?”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:30 am
nedbrines wins.
April 28th, 2010 at 11:30 am
LB: “I’m going to buy this joint, just so I can fire the lot of you!”
The Fab: “Um, you already own it sir…”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:30 am
LB: “Whaaaat? This is how you make money hand over fist”
LB: “Hey, my skills are legendary”
LB: “Chics come in flocks when LB rocks!”
LB: “I will never assume the position!”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:30 am
LB: “You wanna a shitty deal? Bend over. Ain’t that right Tourre?”
FF: “Oui”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:30 am
Man in Black: All right. Where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right… and who is dead.
Vizzini: But it’s so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy’s? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
April 28th, 2010 at 11:31 am
Blanky: “Would you like the underhand or overhand grip Senator?”
Fab: “You got the whole fist up there doc?”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:32 am
Well, you’re only Senators. What the hell do you know anyway?
April 28th, 2010 at 11:33 am
“Constipation sucks”
Bonus: “Did Loyd just sh*t himself?”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:34 am
Balnkfein: “Yes, Senator, I am John Galt!”
Fab: “Who? No, no, I am jeest Fabulous Fab.”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:36 am
LB caption “Please understand….. Just like a dog, we do what we do…. because we can”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:36 am
“WASN’T ME”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:36 am
LB: “Senator, don’t yell at me, i’m kinda of a big deal”
LB: “Senator Levin I’m happy to answer your questions but Beyonce has the best video of the year!
April 28th, 2010 at 11:37 am
Blank: No, no, no senator, I told you our motto at GS is “we screw the other guy and pass the savings on to you!”
Fab: “You can actually subpoena my hard drive!”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:38 am
As God is my witness ,I swear turkeys could fly.
April 28th, 2010 at 11:38 am
Fab:
“Big LeRoy?!?!!”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:39 am
Blankfein “Is anyone listening to me? Some people seem to be a little drowsy!”
Fab: “I’m AWAKE!”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:39 am
LB: “Fine then, senator, I’ll just have to get someone else elected that remembers to look the other way!”
Fab: “Oh no he didn!”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:40 am
LB: “How’re we to get through this whole binder when you keep asking the same question over and over?”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:40 am
Blankfein: “I SAID, WHICH HAND IS THE CDO IN!!!!!!”
Fab: “Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever!”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:41 am
Blankfein: “but then we would have had to cancel the bonuses”
Fab: “honesty?, but this is Wall Street!”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:41 am
No Congressman Frank! For the last time, the term BSD is just a figure of speech…
April 28th, 2010 at 11:41 am
Blankfein: Dammit Senator…I’m a switch hitter, but I wear “left”, not that it’s any of your business!
Fab: Quelle surprise, Mr.Blankfein…so do I!!!
April 28th, 2010 at 11:43 am
Blanky: “You fucked up. YOU bailed us out! It’s not MY fault. That was Hanky’s doing!”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:43 am
Blankenstein [channeling Captain Renault of "Casablanca"]: “I’m shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!”
Fabulous Fab [channeling Pepe Lepew, international skunk of mystery]: “Come weeth me to zee Casbah, mah demure subprime lovely, and let us make beautiful music together … (loud smooching noises)”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:43 am
Lloyd: See, with the left hand you do this, and with the other you do that. I learned this trade from a video a buddy at the SEC sent me. I’m sure you’ve seen it before.
Fab: Some people like it!
April 28th, 2010 at 11:44 am
I’d like to submit this on Cognos’ behalf:
“God… can we stop with the incessant regulatory non-sense? I mean, I get it… promote the book. But all the Washington stuff is costing everyone money. That was an ‘08 story… there are some great earnings and companies stories. And its not like the people hear really “care” about govt waste and bailouts… if so, there is far more waste and fraud in Iraq/Military spending or in Medicare spending (every single year!).”
http://www.ritholtz.com/blog/2010/04/aig-coverup-criminal-charges/#comments
April 28th, 2010 at 11:46 am
Fab
“Hotmail? What’s dat?”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:46 am
“This is a high-tech lynching for uppity Jews who in any way deign to think for themselves, to do for themselves, to have different ideas, and it is a message that unless you kowtow to an old order, this is what will happen to you. You will be lynched, destroyed, caricatured by a committee of the U.S. Senate rather than hung from a tree.”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:46 am
[Apologies to "A Few Good Men" and Jack Nicholson]
Blankfein: “You can’t handle the truth! Senator, we live in a world that has idiots. And those idiots have to be exploited by men with synthetic CDOs. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Senator Levin?”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:46 am
Blankfein: I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. Oh sorry, wrong hearing though it did work the first time!
Fab: Lloyd, not now!
April 28th, 2010 at 11:48 am
Why is everybody swearing? I haven’t even finished the first page in this massive binder.
April 28th, 2010 at 11:48 am
blankfein: “theres no WAY i can pick up that binder with these girly arms!”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:49 am
Lloyd: That’s right Senator, you must act now! Only these two copies of my unabridged guide to “How to Seem Incredibly Stupid to Those Who Can Mess With Your Life While You Really Rule the World Remain. Order Now!
Fab: Oops, All theez talk of poo .. I theenk I have sheet myself!
April 28th, 2010 at 11:49 am
Blankfein: “I paid good money to Congress. I shouldn’t be here!”
Fab: “Thank you for not laughing at my public denial.”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:50 am
The Fabulous Fab: “You want to stick that binder WHERE?”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:52 am
No, no, my full name is Blank Greedfine!, Fiduciary Responsibility is just my nickname.
April 28th, 2010 at 11:53 am
Blankfein: I hate to tell you this, Senator Dodd, but we’re short your re-election.
Fabulous Fab: Now, all you gotta do is tell me where the Ace is.
April 28th, 2010 at 11:54 am
Senator, I never lie and if you aren’t nice to me I’m gonna tell my mommy.
April 28th, 2010 at 11:54 am
“Look, I said 30 cents on the dollar was plenty, but Hank insisted.”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:59 am
“How many times do you want me to explain simple economics Senator? Paulson demanded stooges and we supplied them!”
April 28th, 2010 at 12:00 pm
Lloyd: “So he walks away like he’s gonna stiff me, and I say ‘Hey Lama, how about a little something, you know, for the effort’”!
Fab: “I can has cheezburger”?
April 28th, 2010 at 12:02 pm
“Damn it Senator, I’m a Wall Streeter”
April 28th, 2010 at 12:03 pm
Lloyd:
I’ve been working on the railroad
All the live-long day.
I’ve been working on the railroad
Just to pass the time away.
Don’t you hear the whistle blowing,
Rise up so early in the morn;
Don’t you hear the captain shouting,
“Dinah, blow your horn!”
April 28th, 2010 at 12:04 pm
Blankfein: Senator, clearly you haven’t read the 1000+ page booklet clearly explaining innocence on our lawful actions. Our records are clean.
Fab: Fascinating. I am surprised that you think one little e-mail contradicts those 1000 pages!
April 28th, 2010 at 12:04 pm
LB: But the money we made from screwing out clients and widows and orphans went to your campaign, Senator Levin.
FF: The Fabulous Fab means what in prison?!!
April 28th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
Then I took the chicken by the neck in my left hand, and the knife in my right hand, like this, and started sawing back and forth.
But in the end, the blood-letting had no effect on the markets.
April 28th, 2010 at 12:06 pm
Here is the worlds smallest violin, playing the worlds saddest song for all of you poor people.
April 28th, 2010 at 12:06 pm
Should read:
LB: But the money we made from screwing our clients and widows and orphans, went to your campaign, Senator Levin.
April 28th, 2010 at 12:06 pm
‘I don’t think our clients care’ we’re short..” that is how they hedge against us stealing their wives along with their money.
April 28th, 2010 at 12:06 pm
Blankfein: Ethics?? I make damn sure all our employees STRICTLY adhere to the US Congress’s Code of Ethics!
April 28th, 2010 at 12:07 pm
“Senator, why aren’t you getting this? It’s simple. Rock is king, nothing beats rock. Don’t you see? I have rock, you have, oh… wait…”
“Senator our deal was you’re supposed to pay attention to what’s in this hand and forget about the other. Why aren’t you forgetting about the other?”
April 28th, 2010 at 12:07 pm
Blankfein: “I fart in your general direction.”
Sorry, can’t help it that I was raised on Monty Python.
April 28th, 2010 at 12:08 pm
How about a couple of Al Capone quotes to tie in with the “Bankster” theme:
Blankfien:
Capitalism is the legitimate racket of the ruling class
Fab:
Now I know why tigers eat their young…
April 28th, 2010 at 12:08 pm
Fabrice: “THAT email, I wasn’t told that you were provided or that we would be discussing that email.”
April 28th, 2010 at 12:08 pm
“Dont blame me, it’s those damn financial bloggers. They don’t know anything!”
April 28th, 2010 at 12:08 pm
LB-This is how the shakeweight works, a weight goes back and forth giving you a great workout. No, it just looks like you are jerking off.
FF-Just like the etrade baby, I have a shocked face. Do you like it?
April 28th, 2010 at 12:10 pm
Fab: “Wait… you mean this wasn’t just a training exercise?”
April 28th, 2010 at 12:11 pm
Blankfein:
Do you have any idea what my houses, boats, and planes cost to maintain?!
Fab:
I got some land in Vegas for sale.
April 28th, 2010 at 12:12 pm
LB: Senator, I’m short your IQ
Fab Fab: Eet was not sheet CDO; eet was crêpe CDO, monsieur!
April 28th, 2010 at 12:15 pm
The Dark Knights of Goldman Sachs channel The Joker:
Blankfein: “Do I look like a guy with a plan?”
Fabulous Fab: “This town deserves a better class of criminal.”
April 28th, 2010 at 12:16 pm
” no, no – we actually had to use SHOVELS on the crap we were putting in those CDOs”
April 28th, 2010 at 12:16 pm
Blank:
I wanted to be a Rabbi not a lawyer!
Fab:
Pardonnez-moi, mais vas te faire encule, je suis Fab et en français.
April 28th, 2010 at 12:17 pm
“Shitty for whom?”
April 28th, 2010 at 12:20 pm
During prolonged senate testimony on Tuesday, Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein suddenly broke into an air guitar rendition of ACDCs “Highway to Hell.”
Alternate
“The cream rises to the top.”
April 28th, 2010 at 12:22 pm
Lloyd: You can’t ask me those questions! Don’t you know that I’m rich and entitled?
Fab: Senator McCaskill, please put that back on! You know from my emails that I already have a girlfriend…
April 28th, 2010 at 12:25 pm
I just got out of the POOL! It’s was SHRINKAGE! Don’t you women know about SHRINKAGE!
April 28th, 2010 at 12:25 pm
“In order to ensure the future and continuing stability the Republic will be reorganized into the first GALACTIC EMPIRE.”
April 28th, 2010 at 12:26 pm
I am NOT a Vampire Squid!!!
April 28th, 2010 at 12:31 pm
Fab:
But…but…Obama
April 28th, 2010 at 12:32 pm
“Yes Senator, my left fist was used on all CDO customers. Of course, for preferred clients I removed the ring.”
April 28th, 2010 at 12:32 pm
I don’t have to take this! I own you peckerheads!!!
April 28th, 2010 at 12:32 pm
Blank: Listen carefully you self righteous assholes! I’m playing my heart bleeds for you on the world’s smallest ukulele.
Fab: Really? I thought you Americans liked it up the ass. My apologies.
April 28th, 2010 at 12:34 pm
lloyd: “i use two hands – can you?”
fab: “you got the whole fist up there doc?”
April 28th, 2010 at 12:34 pm
Lloyd: I switched selection agents when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders – The most famous of which is “never get involved in a land war in Asia” – but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never go against Goldman when money is on the line”!
April 28th, 2010 at 12:35 pm
Blankfein: I am not a crook! Your President is not a crook!
Fab: But we send the Committee members their payoff every election! Jesus Christ!
April 28th, 2010 at 12:35 pm
LB: Over? Did you say “over”? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
Fab: Excuse me one moment, Senator. WAITER?! I’ve been asking for Perrier since about 9:30 and they keep bringing water from who knows where! Think you could step it up a little here?
April 28th, 2010 at 12:36 pm
Lloyd
You become what I take you to be,at my glance my littlest gesture. I do not need to say more. This is a stick up.
Fab
It’s easy. We tell investors how it is they take up their positions in the space we define. Poof! The money arrives.
April 28th, 2010 at 12:37 pm
“Yes Mr. Senator, you can pretty much milk anything with nipples.”
April 28th, 2010 at 12:38 pm
Blank : Just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.
Fab: In high school it was always “Bonjour, le Fab”, “How’s it going le Fab?”, “Hey, let’s stuff le Fab in le locker”.
April 28th, 2010 at 12:38 pm
Blank: “Shitty, but not net shitty”
Fabs: “It’s because it’s cold – I swear”
April 28th, 2010 at 12:39 pm
Fab:
“No Congressman, this is the face I used when feigning surprise. Watch, here I go. ‘Mr Client, you lost money on that instrument I sold you? I’m shocked!’ …..and scene!”
April 28th, 2010 at 12:41 pm
Dammit Senator, I’m doing God’s work, how can you say these things about me?
April 28th, 2010 at 12:42 pm
LB: ” I’m NOT sorry I took the money! Nyyaaaaa! Ahahahah!”
FT: “Oh wait, well um, 17, something. Who cares, were rich, man. “
April 28th, 2010 at 12:43 pm
“Don’t make me get short with you!”
April 28th, 2010 at 12:44 pm
Apparently senator, your not aware of our new derivative, the SDS or senator default swap, you don’t have a clue of the meaning of SHORT.
April 28th, 2010 at 12:45 pm
Yes, that should be you’re. Damn.
April 28th, 2010 at 12:46 pm
LB: Come on Senator….lets ahndle this like we do at Goldman. Lets go outside… Put ‘em up……Put ‘em up!
Fab Fab: “OUI” – Thank you sir, may I have another?
April 28th, 2010 at 12:47 pm
LB: “At Goldman Sachs our philosophy is simple: if you’ve got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.”
April 28th, 2010 at 12:47 pm
LB: “Am I my client’s keeper?”
FB: “I was not aware of that!”
April 28th, 2010 at 12:48 pm
Blankenfein: “As God is my witness, they’re not going to lick me! I’m going to live through this, and when it’s all over, I’ll never be hungry again – no, nor any of my folks! If I have to lie, steal, cheat, or kill, as God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again.”
Congress reply: Frankly my Dear, I don’t give a damn.
Fabs: “Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-… That’s all, folks.”
April 28th, 2010 at 12:51 pm
on man JerseyDave
that’s gotta be the winner!
April 28th, 2010 at 12:52 pm
Lloyd: The bus is outta control. So I grab him by the collar, I take him out of the seat, I get behind the wheel, and now I’m driving the bus.
Levin : Wow.
Fab: You’re Batman.
Lloyd: Yeah, yeah, I am Batman. Then the mugger, he comes to and he starts choking me. So I’m fighting him off with one hand and I kept driving the bus with the other, ya know. Then I managed to open up the door and I kicked him out the door, ya know, with my foot, ya know, at the next stop.
Levin: You kept making all the stops?
Lloyd: Well, people kept ringing the bell
April 28th, 2010 at 12:54 pm
“I think I have explained our position on VAR a number of times Senator, now if you don’t mind I must attend to my congregation back at 85 Broad St. Thank you.”
April 28th, 2010 at 12:54 pm
Blankfein: “No, Sen. Levin, it’s not that simple–we did it to ‘manage risk’. Imagine that I was playing ‘rock-paper-scissors’ with your grandchildren. I would play ‘rock’ each time since it beats ‘scissors’, then place secret side bets on ‘paper’ since it covers ‘rock’. How is that cheating?”
April 28th, 2010 at 12:57 pm
Lloyd Blankcheck:
“This was supposed to be the summer of Lloyd! The summer of Lloyd!”
Fab:
” These pretzels are making me thirsty!”
April 28th, 2010 at 12:57 pm
Go here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHmvkRoEowc THEN substitute Goldman Sachs for Britney. Would be a classik
April 28th, 2010 at 12:57 pm
Channeling the Airport scene in Silence of the Lambs:
Lloyd: Tell me, Senator did you nurse Abacus yourself?
Senator McCaskill: What.
Lloyd: Did you breast feed it?
Fab: Pardon moi? c’est …..
Lloyd: Toughened your nipples didn’t it. Amputate a man’s leg and he can still feel it tickling. Tell me, mum, when your little pension fund is on the slab, where will it tickle you?
Senator McCaskill: Take this… *thing* back to New York!
Lloyd: Five foot ten, strongly built, about a hundred and eighty pounds; dark hair, eyes pale blue. He’d be about thirty-one. Called himself Fab. He said he was French, but he may have lied. That’s all I can remember, mum, but if I think of any more, I will let you know.
Oh, and Senator, just one more thing: love your suit!
April 28th, 2010 at 12:58 pm
Lloyd
See it goes like this…What’s yours is mine!
Fab
It’s my destiny and my name. I am fabulous. Don’t you see?
April 28th, 2010 at 12:58 pm
Blankfein: You are not LISTENING ! I only got $9 million last year! I’ve ALREADY been punished !
FAB: You mean securities fraud is BAD ? Sacra bleu! They never told me that at the Goldman orientation ! I would have joined SocGen !
April 28th, 2010 at 12:58 pm
“____FEIN!!” …….(Fill in your favorite cuss word)
April 28th, 2010 at 12:58 pm
Mini me takes over the giant squid!!!
April 28th, 2010 at 12:59 pm
Fabs: “I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That’s my dream; that’s my nightmare. Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight razor… and surviving. “
April 28th, 2010 at 1:00 pm
Fab – LLoyd, remember when you said “You’re getting out of a Mercedes to go to the New York Federal Reserve. You’re not getting out of a Higgins boat on Omaha Beach…” bet you never thought that would come back to bite you in the ass. Now we are going to be shoveling shit until hell freezes over!
#2
Fab – Who’s that then?
Lloyd – I dunno, must be a hedge fund mannager.
Fab – Why?
Lloyd – He hasn’t got shit all over him.
April 28th, 2010 at 1:00 pm
Blankfein: “Where’s Hank? What have you done to Hank??”
April 28th, 2010 at 1:01 pm
Sen Levin: Is there someone else up there we can talk to?
Fabio: No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.
April 28th, 2010 at 1:03 pm
BLANKFEIN: “For the last time!! I am sitting in my chair correctly….this IS my face…NOT my ass!!!”
FAB: “sacré bleu, you mean if I admit guilt I GET to go to prison?!?! FABulous!!!!
April 28th, 2010 at 1:03 pm
Fab: I do not understand your American ways, what is “the Vig?”
April 28th, 2010 at 1:04 pm
continuing the Silence of the Lambs meme:
Lloyd: A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.
April 28th, 2010 at 1:06 pm
LB: “Senator, think of my hands as investors in a deal. One trades with us and the other against us.”
or
LB: “Senator, client trust is very important to me. I hold it in the palms of my hands.”
FF: “He squeezes very hard.”
April 28th, 2010 at 1:06 pm
Using interpretive dance, Blankfein communicates subtle nuances of double fisted smash-and-grab technique of investing favored by GS.
April 28th, 2010 at 1:10 pm
but Senator, regulation is wrong, just wrong!
April 28th, 2010 at 1:11 pm
For Lloyd: Senator, we simply followed a very simple rule of investing – buy low, sell high, but NOT necessarily in that order!
April 28th, 2010 at 1:12 pm
Lloyd: You call it sh*tty deal, we call it market making.
Fab: senator, your questions are pure populist masturbation, the type of thing you ask yourself what if this hearing has no purpose … i managed to sell a few abacus bonds to widows and orphans in the Senate lobby.
April 28th, 2010 at 1:12 pm
You call it shit, we call it fertilizer–it helps things grow.
April 28th, 2010 at 1:12 pm
Blankfein out loud: It would not be good for America to NOT work with us!
Unspoken: Remember, we can bankrupt your country.
April 28th, 2010 at 1:15 pm
Fab: I’m young! I’m naive! You do understand why I’m here, right?
April 28th, 2010 at 1:15 pm
Blankfein – Our clients still love us, dammit. I could weep!
Fab – I like shafting my clients with some sort of empathy, so at the least I did it with my eyes wide open.
April 28th, 2010 at 1:19 pm
LB: “I swear on a stack of bibles that Abacus was composed of AAA mortgages. We welcomed all investors seeking the holy grail of wealth. Once our brethren were on board, we inserted the bundled fuel-injected SIV rods, screwed them as far up as humanly possible and launched Abacus. Then we sat back and waited for them to go Nuclear. That, my friends, is Armageddon in a nutshell.”
April 28th, 2010 at 1:19 pm
Blank: <>” I…did…not…have…fiduciary….relations….with ….that….company”
April 28th, 2010 at 1:20 pm
For all of us Hairclub fans…..” I’m not just the president…I’m a member ! “
April 28th, 2010 at 1:22 pm
Blankfein: “you see- I was squeezing their balls with my left hand and yanking their dicks with my right hand- the clients never had a chance”
Tourre: “you were yanking their dicks? wow”
April 28th, 2010 at 1:24 pm
For Blankfein photo:
During Senate testimony today Lloyd Blankfein, CEO of the widely worshipped Goldman Sachs, discussed the possibility of the upcoming end of the world, saying “Don’t make me do it, please don’t make me do it.”
For The Fabulous Fab:
“Are you really, seriously, truly questioning the Gods? With himself sitting right over there?”
April 28th, 2010 at 1:25 pm
Blankfein: It’s all God’s fault.
April 28th, 2010 at 1:25 pm
Lloyd:
“Damn, How did Cramer guess how much cash I had in the wallet?”
April 28th, 2010 at 1:27 pm
Blankfein: I bought you!
I own you!
Now STFU and deliver what I want!
Fab: That was illegal? uh oh I did a booboo.
April 28th, 2010 at 1:27 pm
Blankfein: Senator. It’s not like I gave our customers Ben Gay when they were asking for Preparation H.
Fab: You mean that wasn’t Preparation H!
April 28th, 2010 at 1:28 pm
Blankfein: I will get conjugal visits right?
April 28th, 2010 at 1:29 pm
Don’t tase me bro’
April 28th, 2010 at 1:29 pm
Blankfein:
I was playing the music like this… to keep Chuck Prince and everyone else dancing… They’re still dancing!
Fab:
What? The music stopped??
April 28th, 2010 at 1:30 pm
LB: “Who are you to question this God”
FT: “Pierre Woodman did what to my sister?”
April 28th, 2010 at 1:30 pm
Pictured above is a photo of Blankfein after being told by Senator Levin that “Santa isn’t real”
Tourre was similarly surprised by Levin’s proclamation
April 28th, 2010 at 1:32 pm
Blankfein: “All this negativity isn’t helping!”
April 28th, 2010 at 1:36 pm
Blankfein: ” It was easy… after we formed Abacus with Paulson, the tranches were then shoveled out the door like this…”
Fab: “Srsly…like I care…”
April 28th, 2010 at 1:39 pm
“Senator, let’s imagine I have a rolling pin in my hand and I’ll show you how we made the dough!”
April 28th, 2010 at 1:40 pm
“Don’t just stand there, do something!”
“Bailouts, yummy!”
April 28th, 2010 at 1:42 pm
Why isn’t that damn Cohn ever out in public taking any of this heat?
April 28th, 2010 at 1:42 pm
“I am not guilty, Senator, but I have hedged against my acquittal, just in case.”
April 28th, 2010 at 1:46 pm
Lloyd: “Mr. Chaiman, it’s actually quite simple. Paulson picked the mortgages, Goldman packaged them into ABACUS, then we SHOVED the AAA-tranche up ACA and IKB’s ass. Fab, do me a favor, show the Senator what ACA and IKB’s reaction was when they found out these were worth zero.”
April 28th, 2010 at 1:46 pm
“It’s not fair! ML did the same thing. Why didn’t are you picking on me?!”
April 28th, 2010 at 1:46 pm
err.. take out the “didn’t”
April 28th, 2010 at 1:49 pm
Can’t get any decent help these days.
April 28th, 2010 at 1:49 pm
Fab: “I…drink…your….TARPshakes!!!”
April 28th, 2010 at 1:51 pm
Blankfein: “Only idiots bet against the house. Especially mine.”
Bonus: “I thought it was theoretical money.”
April 28th, 2010 at 1:52 pm
I was only following God’s orders, call him up here!
Thinking: I’d be friggin’ sainted if I was a Catholic. Wait, we could buy the Vatican and…
April 28th, 2010 at 1:53 pm
Blankenfein while testifying about how relationship with Fab started: ” I believe the Pet Shop Boys said it best…I’ve got the brains, you’ve got the looks, let’s make lots of money!”
April 28th, 2010 at 1:53 pm
In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women. Now SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!!!!
April 28th, 2010 at 1:54 pm
Between the sheets,
April 28th, 2010 at 1:54 pm
Lord says: Catch me if you can, you motherf***** :D
Fab replies: Time to run?!
April 28th, 2010 at 1:56 pm
Lloyd: “I am NOT a Mr. Poopie Pants! That really hurts my feelings.”
Fab: “Je taime, oooh oui je taime. If zis does not soothe your concerns monsieur, I am afraid you are already dead.”
April 28th, 2010 at 1:58 pm
“If my lips are moving, I am lying.
April 28th, 2010 at 2:06 pm
As Bart Simpson often noted
“I didn’t do it. Nobody saw me do it. You can’t prove anything”
Maybe GS really means Goldman Simpson, “doh”
April 28th, 2010 at 2:10 pm
ok last one for me
“You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin’ to? You talkin’ to me? Well, I’m the only one here. Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to? Oh, yeah? Ok?”
April 28th, 2010 at 2:12 pm
“I’m not angry, just terribly, terribly hurt, that you would betray us like this after we bought you fair and square.”
April 28th, 2010 at 2:14 pm
Blankfein:
“Inconceivable!!!!”
April 28th, 2010 at 2:14 pm
Senator McCain, you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about! Honestly, who let him in?
April 28th, 2010 at 2:15 pm
Why are you doing this to me? I’m just trying to feed my family! (with apologies to Latrell Sprewell)
April 28th, 2010 at 2:16 pm
When you are skinning your customers, you should leave some skin on to heal, so that you can skin them again.
Nikita Khrushchev
April 28th, 2010 at 2:22 pm
ROAR!!!
April 28th, 2010 at 2:23 pm
Lloyd:
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
April 28th, 2010 at 2:26 pm
LB: They may have been shitty, but we threw in handjobs for free.
April 28th, 2010 at 2:30 pm
For contest – Blankfein
Well you see Senator, I had no choice. Some one gave me this SHAFT and, well, the American people were kinda bent over, and as they say, when opportunity knocks …
April 28th, 2010 at 2:34 pm
Blankfein: “…an den, we hit ‘em wit dis here bat…”
Toure: “Qui? Moi?”
April 28th, 2010 at 2:36 pm
“Do you people realize my Hamptons home lost over $1,000,000 in value???”
April 28th, 2010 at 2:37 pm
“Do you have a dollar on you? I hate answering questions for nothing.”
April 28th, 2010 at 2:38 pm
Someone bet me to it already, but it HAS to be…
“INCONCEIVABLE!!!”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-b7RmmMJeo
“Never trust a Sicilian when debt is on the line!” comes in a close second.
April 28th, 2010 at 2:40 pm
Oh, and Peter North FTW.
April 28th, 2010 at 2:41 pm
Sorta late, and didn’t have time to scroll through all the others, so if I stumbled across someone else’s, my apologies:
Blankfein: You want what, Senator? No, I won’t give you a fucking job so you won’t have to kiss anymore constituent ass!
(props to Jon Stewart on the Daily Show for the idea)
Fab: Surrender? Why no, it has never occurred to me that I should surrender. Why, are you German?
April 28th, 2010 at 2:42 pm
“I believe nicotine is not addictive.”
April 28th, 2010 at 2:44 pm
Fabby Fab: Material misrepresentation of facts is illegal in this country?!! I did not know that. I suppose the next thing you’re going to tell me is that lying under oath is considered a crime as well?!!
April 28th, 2010 at 2:45 pm
Lloyd: “Senator, I am not going to kiss you ass when you are obviously trying to shit in my face.”
April 28th, 2010 at 2:48 pm
“better to short the shitty then have the shitty in your shorts”
April 28th, 2010 at 2:50 pm
“Fabrice is the tool, not me”
“Blankfein told me to become the biggest tool possible, pass myself off as a quality vp, short my position, and collect my bonus. Pardon my French, but wtf Blankfein?”
April 28th, 2010 at 2:54 pm
1. How to properly eat your clients souls.
2. As you can see from my credit card bill, I needed the extra cash. I mean I am eating an invisible steak!
3. L: No senator, the Fabulous Fab Tug and Ram trade is executed like so. Fab, lets show them how its really done.
F: OUI MISUER!
April 28th, 2010 at 2:58 pm
How dare you call me in here, when are you people going to understand that I am the emperor of planet Earth?!
April 28th, 2010 at 2:59 pm
LB: And I only got a $9 million bonus.
April 28th, 2010 at 3:00 pm
Blankfein: “How many times must I explain what a CDS really is senator? In my right hand is a sword, something I need protection against, and in my left hand is a shield, that’s my CDS. SHould I role play it for you?”
Tourre: “Vive la Fête!”.
April 28th, 2010 at 3:01 pm
Blankfein: You can’t handle the truth!
Fabrice: Of course I’m French, why else would I be talking with this outrageous accent!
April 28th, 2010 at 3:02 pm
LB: “Senators, actually the correct analogy to this scenario is this: With my left hand I am massaging Paulson’s member, setting him up to explode, and with my right hand I’m shoving this invisible pole up ACA’s ass without them knowing. The facial expression? That’s me seeing Khuzami come into my office.”
Fab: “Zees is ze face ACA made when zey saw ze values of their Ceee Deee Ouu”
April 28th, 2010 at 3:03 pm
“Inconceivable” reminded me of Wallace Shawn’s other memorable role as a teacher in the movie Clueless:
“And could the suicide attempts please be postponed until the next period?”
[as Fab tries to jump out of the window]
April 28th, 2010 at 3:03 pm
LB: “Hank said you would be mean. Why are you so mean to me?”
Fab: “Hello, I am Meester Geithner, de Secretary of de Treasury. Tenk you veddy much!”
April 28th, 2010 at 3:04 pm
“For as back back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster.”
April 28th, 2010 at 3:07 pm
was supposed to be “as FAR back”…..apologies.
April 28th, 2010 at 3:11 pm
Take this c-note, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you Mr. Senator.
April 28th, 2010 at 3:15 pm
Hey losers, this is the sound of me playing my invisible violin.
This is my OHHH face!
April 28th, 2010 at 3:19 pm
JerseyDave should win.
April 28th, 2010 at 3:20 pm
For the bonus: “You probably recognize me from my role in Ocean’s Eleven when I played the really smart, nerdy tech guy that helped a group of thieves rob a casino. But that’s not why I’m here today Senator.”
April 28th, 2010 at 3:29 pm
Last one from me (from The Wire):
When you walk through the Senate
you gotta watch your back
well I beg your pardon
walk the straight and narrow track
if you walk with Goldman
he’s gonna take your gold
you gotta keep the regs
way down in the hole
April 28th, 2010 at 3:30 pm
Blank: If a canoe canoed up a canoe canal…I want to know just how many flapjacks YOU could fit in an outhouse!
Fab: You…a…planning to use the whole fist there doc?
April 28th, 2010 at 3:32 pm
BR: I went down this path the last time Blankfein appeared before Congress:
http://ducksflyingbackward.blogspot.com/2010/02/lloyd-blankfein-explains-how-it-is-to.html
April 28th, 2010 at 3:38 pm
Sorry if this is a dupe.
For the bonus: “You may remember me from my role in the movie Ocean’s Eleven where I played a smart, nerdy tech guy who helped a group of thieves rob a casino. But that’s not why I’m here today Senator…”
April 28th, 2010 at 3:47 pm
Blankfein: Senator, as I explained at your *last* fundraiser, when Goldman does it that means it is not illegal.
Fab: Wait, who’s the patsy at this table again?
April 28th, 2010 at 3:51 pm
I AM NOT a liar. Stop picking on me or I’m TELLING MOMMY.
April 28th, 2010 at 3:54 pm
Blankfein: “It’s capitalism, stupid.” (courtesy of Simon Johnson)
Blankfein: “You know, avoiding this is what all those campaign contributions were supposed to do!”
Fabrice: “I can see myself. And I look fine!”
April 28th, 2010 at 3:54 pm
Leave the guy alone. If your going to whip him then whip Barney Frank, Chris Dodd, Anthony Mizzillo, etc….
April 28th, 2010 at 3:54 pm
Lloyd : It goes like this, we do not see what we don’t want to. We see something else instead.
April 28th, 2010 at 3:57 pm
Senator, if my kids had asked such stupid questions, I would have held them back a grade in school.
April 28th, 2010 at 3:59 pm
Blankfein: Oh no please. Everthing… but not mark to market.
April 28th, 2010 at 4:00 pm
Blankfein: “See, I held them like this…..and then I stabbed them like this………”
FAB: “AACCKK, I think I’ve been stabbed……”
April 28th, 2010 at 4:08 pm
Guy in glasses: …this fish is putrid. I think I’m going to vom…
April 28th, 2010 at 4:09 pm
Lloyd: ” I CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!”
Fab: “Truth? Who said truth? You thought I said truth? Wait..what?”
April 28th, 2010 at 4:12 pm
Levin to Blankfein, “Show me your war face!”
Fab- I zink ze freedom fries should be zenamed to fab fries – oiu-weeee yes?
April 28th, 2010 at 4:12 pm
Blankfein: “I also play air guitar. Permit me to demonstrate… “Free as a bird” by the Beatles…”
April 28th, 2010 at 4:30 pm
Yes Senator, stroking my ego takes takes two hands.
April 28th, 2010 at 4:31 pm
“Sywvester……the handwing of money is a gweat wesponsibiwity.” -Elmer “Blankfein” Fudd
April 28th, 2010 at 4:38 pm
Lloyd: I can’t wait to get home and stick some pins in my Taibbi doll!
Fab: Did he say Tourre doll?
April 28th, 2010 at 4:41 pm
Lloyd: Senator, I don’t think we’re getting our money’s worth from you! I demand a refund!
April 28th, 2010 at 4:43 pm
Fab: Did you really send out for some frog legs?
April 28th, 2010 at 4:48 pm
He looks so much like the character Vizzini in “The Princess Bride”
Am I going MAD, or did the word “think” escape your lips? You were not hired for your brains, you hippopotamic land mass.
April 28th, 2010 at 4:49 pm
Blankfein- “Senators, let me tell you a little story about a man named Shh! Shh! even before you start.
That was a pre-emptive shh! Now, I have a whole bag of shh!’ with your name on it.”
“Finally, we come to my number two man. His name? Number Two.”
Fab- “As the French say the deal had a certain ‘I don’t know what.’”
Blankfein- “Why must I be surrounded by frickin’ idiots?”
Fab – “It would have been easier to use our knowledge of the future to play the stock market.
We could literally have made trillions!”
Blankfein- “Why make trillions when we could make… billions?”
April 28th, 2010 at 4:50 pm
Blankfein: “There comes a time when you must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.”
Fabulous Fab: DOOODY!!!!!
April 28th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
“It’s BLANKfein, goddammit, not BANKfein and give me my bottle of Vicodin back and maybe I’ll answer your shitty question, Senator Levin!”
Fabulous Fab:
“To paraphrase Voltaire, mon frere, ‘once a philosopher, twice a pervert.’ Since you ran for president twice and got smoked both times, what does that make you, Senator McCain?
April 28th, 2010 at 5:08 pm
LB: Senator you cannot talk to me like that in front of America. Who do you think I am, some auto executive building defective cars for a lousy $10 mill a year. I deserve better than that. Do you know how bad it is?
Some little pisher with a full head of hair named Barry Ritholtz e-mailed me a link a people making up cartoon captions about me.
I’m fed up and I’m not going to take it anymore!
Fab: I’m still going to get that $10 mill for building defective CDO’s, right Boss!
April 28th, 2010 at 5:13 pm
Blankfein: “I want to know where the hell I can get a begger binder so I can bring more shit to this hearing!”
Fab: “Would you like to biggie size #2?”
April 28th, 2010 at 5:13 pm
mini me says
HEEELP DR EVIL! Teleport me out of here! They are onto us!
April 28th, 2010 at 5:16 pm
Blankfein-
Taking a page from McGwire… “I’m not here to talk about the past, I’m here to positive about this subject.”
… or Palmeiro…”Let me start by telling you this: I have never used steroids, period. I don’t know how to say it any more clearly than that. Never.”
Tourre-
“I did not inhale.”
April 28th, 2010 at 5:16 pm
(With some apologies to The American President): People don’t buy CDOs because they’re thirsty. They buy CDOs because they don’t know the difference. I mean…err…damn it! That makes me sound guilty instead of putting the blame on the investors…
The Fab: Senator, my dear mama raised me to be an, how would you say, an ethical business man, oui?
For the record: In this photo, The Fab looks like he’s a prepubescent boy who is seeing real breasts for the first time; he has that look of wonderment. I doubt a Congressional panel gives that same affect.
April 28th, 2010 at 5:24 pm
Fab says
Mes apologies most profoundly deeply to my customers, za amureecannn publuque. Aussie mon beloved companie. Ah have promisse to pay back to them my bonus share of all they actually lost on zis deal after all za spreads and za hedging?
April 28th, 2010 at 5:28 pm
‘Senator, I’m shorting this Big binder. I cannot find the page you are referring too”
April 28th, 2010 at 5:29 pm
Fab: ” But Senator, if they knew what it was, they wouldn’t have bought it!”
April 28th, 2010 at 5:33 pm
Lloyd…Senator, honest to God this is exactly the look I gave my staff when they told me about all the subprime we were buying, cause I had no idea, you know, myself, cause I mean how could I , you know, in my position as like the CEO. I have people who like understand that stuff for me, you know, kind of like your assistants here today.
Fab… Senator Levin, I can’t believe you just said shitty on TV!
April 28th, 2010 at 5:37 pm
Barry,
There could only be funny captions for these if there were actually someone flying the plane.
We are in the realm of “pay no attention to the man behind the curtain”.
April 28th, 2010 at 5:43 pm
Senator, I am the Chairman and CEO of Goldman Sachs. You can not treat me this way!
April 28th, 2010 at 5:55 pm
“They drove a dump truck full of money up to my house! I’m not made of stone!”
April 28th, 2010 at 5:57 pm
Blank: “That CDO was so full of shit we couldn’t squeeze another fart into it.”
Fab: “You can send me to a Turkish prison??!!!!???”
April 28th, 2010 at 5:58 pm
Add to Fab
Excuse moi can i take this call?
April 28th, 2010 at 6:00 pm
Blankfein: “I run Goldman how I run Goldman. You want to investigate me, roll the dice and take your chances. So don’t think for one second you can call me down here, flash a badge, and make me nervous.”
Sen. Levin: “Oh, spare me the psycho babble, father bullshit!”
“All right,” the Fabulous Fab shouted back. “If you are the police, where are your badges? Let’s see them.”
Sen. Levin: “Badges? We have no badges. In fact, we don’t need badges. I don’t have to show you any stinking badges. Come out from that shit-hole of yours, we want to speak to you.”
All dialogue adapted from “A Few Good Men” (movie) and The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (novel)
April 28th, 2010 at 6:10 pm
Tourre: “Fine, I’ll answer your question, how can I feel comfortable selling crap? Let me make it clear, parlez vous français, ce n’est pas possible, now get outta my way!”
April 28th, 2010 at 6:10 pm
“Watch, I can even shit gold. Uhhhhhhh”
April 28th, 2010 at 6:14 pm
Whats not to understand?? Its like a magic trick. I make your money disappear from this hand and make it re-appear in my pocket instead of this other hand.
April 28th, 2010 at 6:15 pm
Lloyd…Senator, see these two binders here? Well they’re character reference letters from people who support me and The Firm. Important people Senator, people like Angelo Mozilo, Stan O’Neal, Jimmy Cayne, Dick Fuld, Jimmy Cramer, Charlie Gasparino, Hank Paulson, and that AIG guy who lives in London now and many many more. Anyhow I would like them entered into evidence, because to find fault with me is to find fault with these letter writers as well, people who are seen as some of the finest and brightest in the corporate world of yesterday and today, well some of them today, not all.
April 28th, 2010 at 6:19 pm
Okay how about we settle this whole thing with a staring contest. Ready?….. set…….GO GO GO!
April 28th, 2010 at 6:27 pm
Blankfein: “The Truth? You want The Truth?! YOU CAN”T HANDLE THE TRUTH!”
Fabulous Fab: “If I go to jail, I have to hide all the money WHERE?”
April 28th, 2010 at 6:57 pm
Blankfein: “Now, the world is either in my right hand or my left hand. Did you pay attention? Your betting America, now which hand is it?”
Blankfein: “Aaaaaaaaaggh. But then I go left hand boom, right hand jab jab and then Bear’s down, Merrill, Lehman, AIG. Boom! I shook up the world!”
Blankfein: “What do you mean “shorter in real life”?”
Blankfein: “Fuck, I should never have asked for a bonus question”
Blankfein: “Why did you go to the SEC? Why didn’t you come to me first?”
Blankfein: “I want no inquiries made. I want no acts of vengeance. I want you to arrange a meeting with the heads of the five Agencies. This war stops now.”
Fab: “Ben Stein’s my real dad?!”
Fab: “I said Paulson would end up taking a long position, I didn’t say JOHN Paulson.”
Fab: “A synthetic CDO is a Congressional Debt Obligation that makes no real legislation but is set up to enable companies and senators to express their liquidity preferences.”
Fab: “but these where sophisticated girlfriends…”
April 28th, 2010 at 6:59 pm
If I were covetous, ambitious or perverse,
As he will have me, how am I so poor?
Shakespeare
April 28th, 2010 at 7:00 pm
But my mother does like me!
April 28th, 2010 at 7:02 pm
You little people are really starting to piss me off…if you call me here again I’m going to have your shorts removed and squeeze you by the derivatives!
April 28th, 2010 at 7:09 pm
You little people are really starting to piss me off…if you call me here again I’m going to have your shorts removed and squeeze you by the derivatives! So help me God!
April 28th, 2010 at 7:31 pm
Blanky: “Senator, before you ask that question let me sh@t some money for your campaign!”
Fab: “Saved emails, they can do that?”
April 28th, 2010 at 7:37 pm
LB: How can I get through you guys! For the nth time”We did NO wrong!
Fab: You mean, you cannot understand French?
April 28th, 2010 at 7:38 pm
“What do you mean I can’t become Secretary of Treasury when I am forced out of Goldman Sachs! I’ve worked my whole life to become a public servant. Waaaahhh”
April 28th, 2010 at 7:54 pm
Fab: “Fab means ‘putz’ in English? Are you fk’n serious?”
April 28th, 2010 at 8:01 pm
“I’m really [babble stammer] trying my best [blither babble] to say something coherent [stammer blither]…”
Lloyd ‘Silver Tongue Devil’ Blankfein
April 28th, 2010 at 8:07 pm
Blankfien:
“So I said to Fab, Wipe with this hand, eat with the other. And he got the hands confused.”
April 28th, 2010 at 8:11 pm
“I didn’t do it, and If I did it, it’s someone else’s fault.”
April 28th, 2010 at 8:13 pm
You only think I guessed wrong! That’s what’s so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders – The most famous of which is “never get involved in a land war in Asia” – but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line”! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha…
April 28th, 2010 at 8:13 pm
“Hey, watch out idiots, I can ruin your portfolio and every investment portfolio in the whole damn world! Don’t f**k with me.”
April 28th, 2010 at 8:14 pm
“Sorry, Senator, when you asked how I jerk it up and down I didn’t realize you meant the market.”
April 28th, 2010 at 8:30 pm
LB: Oh, come on Carl. We were not big short we were net short. Net short!
FF: I’m telling you, Frankenstein is real and it’s coming to get us.
April 28th, 2010 at 8:52 pm
Blank: “Senator Levin, I will not deny that ‘Timberwolf’ was one shitty deal. However, I’m bald and this is my ‘O’ face, so I might have a different perspective on shitty deals, but I digress…”
Fab: “Senator McCaskill, Don’t knock ‘intellectual masturbation;’ it’s like ‘Sachs’ with someone you credit default swap with, no?”
April 28th, 2010 at 8:56 pm
I Stole this from Firesign Theater album 1970 – “Don’t Crush that Dwarf, hand me the pliers” . Where a contestant playing “Hawaiian Sell Out” is handed a brown paper bag as her prize (for her greed).
Blankfein: Why…this is a bag of shit!!!
The Fab: Yes, but it’s really good shit.
April 28th, 2010 at 9:03 pm
Blankfein:
“Well, you take the shit I have in this hand and you mix it with the shit I have in my other hand, and you find a buyer.”
April 28th, 2010 at 9:09 pm
Blankfein: Sure, senator, prosecute the Jews. Very original.
Fab: Eet iz time for ze “I really givez a fuck” face.
April 28th, 2010 at 9:11 pm
Blamkfein: We are Goldman Sachs! We only adhere to the Ten Commandments!
Fab: WTF???? There are rules for Goldman?
April 28th, 2010 at 9:17 pm
Blankfein: 3 Rings!!! 3 Rings!!! Senator, this is the 21st F*ing Century and that’s the best you can do? … a 3-Ring Binder!!! … after I flew these three PowerPoint Experts in at great corporate expense!!! …and as you can see, they stayed up all night recharging my clicker!!!
The Fab: Oysters or Snails!!! Senator, have you no decency? Everyone knows I prefer Squid!; Giant, Blood-sucking Squid!!! (Oh, waiter, if you ever locate my Perrier, can you also check on my frogs’ legs; I like them rare; you know, still twitching).
April 28th, 2010 at 9:18 pm
Lloyd: “I tell you I have an alibi! I was playing golf.”
Fab: “Moi aussi. Le golf. Final answer”
April 28th, 2010 at 9:18 pm
LB: “hey, what’s with all the plastic on the floor??”
Fab: “i specifically said no salt on my margarita…”
Adult Franklin’s got it, though…well done, sir.
April 28th, 2010 at 9:29 pm
“It’s my football, the taxpayers gave it to me, and I’m not giving it back!”
April 28th, 2010 at 9:30 pm
“But Alan, Phil, Barney and Chris said I could do it, so I did.”
April 28th, 2010 at 9:33 pm
“My mother always told me I was special and I could do anything I wanted to.”
April 28th, 2010 at 9:34 pm
LB (explaining the rally today and channeling Phil Gramm):
“The pain in Spain is mainly in the brain”
April 28th, 2010 at 9:35 pm
Fab: “Whoops!”
April 28th, 2010 at 9:37 pm
LB:I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people!! Can’t you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?!?!
Fab: Listen, I’m not joking. This is my job!
April 28th, 2010 at 9:47 pm
LB: …shall be thrown into the everlasting pit of penury….the market is not mocked…
Fab: Huh?
April 28th, 2010 at 9:51 pm
OK, I can’t resist a few more on Blankfein, but they’ll probably all look stupid in a few hours. Yes, I am a dork.
Blankfein: Defrauding customers? Oh, I am SO sorry, Captain America. I didn’t get the memo that suddenly we started giving a shit about investors.
Blankfein: You leave my world of warcraft character out of this.
Blankfein: Now you tell me something, senator. Exactly how sure are you that I’m wearing pants?
Blankfein: Senator, I could read this binder if you would just shut up for a minute.
Blankfein: I’m sorry, were we supposed to go bankrupt like all the good little banks?
April 28th, 2010 at 9:59 pm
Either
Don’t blame me, blame Countrywide!
or
Really! I understand CDO2′s!!!
April 28th, 2010 at 10:01 pm
or another
What, I’m not going to get a bonus?!?!?
April 28th, 2010 at 10:05 pm
Blankfein:
“I did not have sex with that woman.”
Fab:
“I’m Fabrice Tourre?”
April 28th, 2010 at 10:06 pm
Blankfein: From now on, no soup for you.
Fab: This is how I reacted when I learned that my bonus went down for a whopping ten percent, from 10 mil to 9 mil.
April 28th, 2010 at 10:09 pm
LB: “As I told you, it would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways INCONCEIVABLE. No one in Guilder knows what we’ve done, and no one in Florin could have gotten here so fast. – Out of curiosity, why do you ask?”
or
“Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders – The most famous of which is “never get involved in a land war in Asia” – but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never go against Golden Slacks when The Fed is on the line”!
April 28th, 2010 at 10:10 pm
But it’s so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own cdo or his enemy’s? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own cdo, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the cdo in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the cdo in front of me.
April 28th, 2010 at 10:12 pm
Blankfein: We’re an empire now, and when we act we create our own reality.
April 28th, 2010 at 10:13 pm
That was NOT on the list of questions my office sent you this morning! NOW STICK TO THE SCRIPT, DAMN-IT!!!
April 28th, 2010 at 10:16 pm
” But I ALWAYS get what I want! I’m ME! “
April 28th, 2010 at 10:19 pm
Blankfein – ” But I ALWAYS get what I want! I’m ME! “
Fab ” You mean I CAN’T fix this with an algorithm? “
April 28th, 2010 at 10:24 pm
LB: “I AM ‘everyman’, dammit!”
April 28th, 2010 at 10:42 pm
Fabulous Fab: I am to be: ” Thrown under the bus.”" ?????
April 28th, 2010 at 10:46 pm
LB: Senators, you want to know how GS operates? The die that I am holding in my left hand, if it comes out any number from one to six, GS wins; any other number, the rest of America wins. See, we run a very fair and balanced casino.
LB : For the last time senators, it is Goldman Sachs, not Goldman Sucks, as in “suck all your money in and leave you hanging dry”.
April 28th, 2010 at 10:55 pm
Lloyd: “It’s hard out here for a bankster!”
[reference: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ARG9BXUZSc&feature=related
Fab: “In prison they make you do what!?!”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:02 pm
Blanker: I have all your nuts in my hand, don’t tempt me.
Fabuloso: More regulation equals more money pour moi?! C’est magnifique!
April 28th, 2010 at 11:03 pm
Lloyd: “Are you deaf Mr. Chairman? I need to take a bloody leak RIGHT NOW.
Fab: Admit it Mr. Chairman. You lot just don’t lke Froggies, right?
April 28th, 2010 at 11:10 pm
Lloyd: Senator Levin, didn’t your mother tell you the Chosen People are supposed to stick together?
Fab: Mon Dieu. I thought the French were the Chosen People
April 28th, 2010 at 11:11 pm
Lloyd: Mr Chairman I swear I suffer from dementia. My Doctor will provide a written statement. I don’t remember anything. As a matter of fact I checked my brokerage account this morning and the CDO’s that goldman shorted are worthless in my account. Those bastards screwed me also. I am a victim your honor.
April 28th, 2010 at 11:20 pm
LB: You want to know how GS operates, senators? The die that I am holding in my left hand, if it comes up any number from one to six, GS wins; for any other number, the rest of America wins. See, we run a very fair and balanced casino here.
LB: Only God can question me, you little mere mortals !!!
LB: For the last time, senators, it is Goldman Sachs, not Goldman Sucks as in “we’ll suck in all your money from you”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:25 pm
Senator, your problem is that you don’t understand real estate !
April 28th, 2010 at 11:41 pm
Senator Levin :
Money, it’s a crime
Share it fairly
But don’t take a slice of my pie
Pink Lloyd:
Money, it’s a hit
Don’t give me that
Do goody good bullshit
I’m in the hi-fidelity
First class traveling set
And I think I need a Lear jet
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mssr Tourre (riffing Monty Python and the Holy Grail from high atop the castle wall):
You don’t frighten us, Senate pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called “Committee chairs person,” you and all your silly Senator K-nig-hts.
April 28th, 2010 at 11:41 pm
Blankfein: Senators, in this other binder I’ve printed out every blog post and all the comments from The Big Picture. It’s where Goldman gets all the best non-fraudulent ideas.
April 28th, 2010 at 11:48 pm
LB: “So I told Joe Cassano, ‘No, I said I like you, not that I *like* like you!”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:52 pm
LB: I truly believe we did not swap ARMs for hostanges.
Fab: Mr. Bean’s Holiday
April 28th, 2010 at 11:58 pm
You fell victim to one of the classic blunders – The most famous of which is “never get involved in a land war in Asia” – but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line”! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha…
Vizzini: [Vizzini stops suddenly,his smile frozen on his face and falls to the right out of camera dead]
from”The Princess Bride”
April 28th, 2010 at 11:59 pm
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001728/
April 29th, 2010 at 12:02 am
LLOYD: “Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, looking like a fool with your pants on the ground. So we put Goldie in your mouth, gave you synthetic CDOs, pants hit the ground, call yourself a cool cat, looking like a fool, walking down Wall Street with your pants on the ground. Get it up, HEY, get your pants off the ground, you got some Abacus from Fab Fab, then the shit hit the fan. Now you’re looking like a fool, walking, talking with your pants on the ground. Get it up, HEY, get your pants off the ground, looking like a fool with your pants on the ground…Mr. Senator”
April 29th, 2010 at 12:05 am
FAB: “Woah!… so how’s the prostate lookin’ back there, doc?”
April 29th, 2010 at 12:20 am
“How can I possibly answer any of your questions when this fucking guy over my right shoulder keeps snoring?”
April 29th, 2010 at 12:23 am
What? Me in handcuffs? Where’s my bailout?
April 29th, 2010 at 12:29 am
Blank: “Stay away from me with that hedge trimmer already!”
Fabricate: “Mon Dieu, je ne suis pas Bialystock!”
April 29th, 2010 at 12:30 am
FAB: “Actually, I call myself Fabulous Fab because I look like Liza Minnelli when I do this with my eyebrows”
April 29th, 2010 at 1:03 am
We don’t just have brass balls, we have Gold Man-Sacks!!!!
April 29th, 2010 at 2:56 am
LB: We weren’t shorting the Republicans – we were buying protection that the Democrats would win. So WHERE’S THE PAYOFF?!
April 29th, 2010 at 3:07 am
I thought it was interesting that there weren’t any witnesses testifying about how they had been hurt by Goldman Sachs. One possibility is that they really do just see GS as a market maker. The other possibility is that they are embarrassed to publicly admit they were stung in the same way that this lady’s clients were.
April 29th, 2010 at 3:27 am
(sings) “There ain’t no mountain high enough
Ain’t no valley low enough
Ain’t no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you babe.”
April 29th, 2010 at 3:40 am
HOW ELSE COULD WE GET OUR BONUSES????????????
Fab’s caption
What, I did something wrong????????
April 29th, 2010 at 5:13 am
LB: Senator Levin, I had no idea your mortgage was in Abacus 2007-AC1!
FT: Mon dieu! McCaskill’s is too!
April 29th, 2010 at 5:36 am
Blank: Well you see GS does its cooking in a large black cauldron and all I did was stir in some cow-dung.
Fab: I’ve got a fabulous idea! Why not sell it as Bull’s milk.
Sales Staff: OK but but it’s a shitty deal.
April 29th, 2010 at 5:53 am
Whaddya mean the folders aren’t big enough!?!?
April 29th, 2010 at 6:15 am
-Blankfein: “lloyddamned!”
-Tourre: “fabdamned!”
April 29th, 2010 at 6:31 am
Fab: Apres moi, le deluge.
April 29th, 2010 at 7:14 am
“Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein!”
April 29th, 2010 at 7:32 am
Barry,
Tongue in cheek, I add some thoughts.
This is not something that we shat.
We were just trying to get flat.
That is where we’re always at,
Says Mr. Goldman and his hat.
You say our customers have been rolled.
Plus,there were things they weren’t told.
But the Fab’s deal just had to be sold.
And doing God’s work is for the bold.
We are just diligent market-makers.
Running risk against all takers.
We are mere targets for all the fakers.
Not as you’re told by the muck-rakers.
We structure paper for the commonweal.
That’s the only purpose for a deal.
We don’t know who will get a steal,
or which side the pain will feel.
Our customers will always choose,
The side they know will not lose.
For this you rush to J’Accuse,
just to appear on the evening news.
April 29th, 2010 at 9:23 am
Blame those sophisticated investors, not honest hard working Americans like me!
April 29th, 2010 at 9:23 am
Blankfein – We’ll give you place in heaven !
Fab – Deal – Place in heaven for acquittal!
Since both of these guys are from GS, both of them would be coming out with same bargain.
April 29th, 2010 at 9:41 am
Blankfein: And gentlemen it is airtight, helping you stretch your investment dollars.
Fab: We put the FU in security.
April 29th, 2010 at 9:53 am
LB: Senators, GREED IS GOOD!
April 29th, 2010 at 10:05 am
Some *@&%^$#@ stole my special shovel or I could have moved ALL the *^%&.
April 29th, 2010 at 10:14 am
Lloyd: Mmmommmy!!!!
Fab: What! He started it!!!
April 29th, 2010 at 10:29 am
“You think this is easy? I just bet a billion dollars I get convicted.”
FF: “A billion? That means my commission will pay for some diction lessons.”
April 29th, 2010 at 10:50 am
I want my MayPo – I mean WaMu.
April 29th, 2010 at 11:09 am
Blankfein: “When they make a movie out of this, Danny DeVito is going to play Carl Levin and I want to be played by George Clooney for the sequel, “Men who Stare at Scapegoats.”
Fabulous Fab: “Scapegoats? WTF?”
April 29th, 2010 at 11:17 am
Blank: “Ya know, some of those baby seals are so tough, ya gotta hit ‘em with a two-hander.”
Fab: “Ooh, there’s a big one.”
Best regards,
RF
April 29th, 2010 at 11:20 am
Blankfein: I’m begging you, Senator Levin, lose that combover. See how great I look bald?
April 29th, 2010 at 11:21 am
Fab, “Shit! That was real money!?”
April 29th, 2010 at 12:46 pm
Fab Fab: ‘Ow you say in Englais? I AM DE SCAPED GOAT !
April 29th, 2010 at 1:01 pm
Con!
April 29th, 2010 at 2:13 pm
Blankfein: >>But I really do know how one hand clap sounds Senator Levin.<<
April 29th, 2010 at 2:51 pm
Blankfein: But Senator Levin, my expenses for wife maintenance are twice as high as yours!
Tourre: You mean that No-Limit Hold’em should be played with cards instead of mortgages??
April 29th, 2010 at 4:15 pm
“THE TRUTH……..? YOU CAN’T MOTHERFUCKING HANDLE THE TRUTH….!”
Best regards,
Econolicious
April 29th, 2010 at 6:02 pm
Blankfein: “What the hell do you mean, I shouldn’t sell my clients poison pills and enough rope with which to hang themselves? But, now that they’re gone, of course I’m going to collect on those life insurance policies that I took out on them.”
Fab: “Bof… When this is over, I need to treat myself to the private island that I was looking to buy.”
April 29th, 2010 at 6:29 pm
“How could we sell this shit? Our associate, Lorena Bobbitt, suggested this simple but effective technique to our sales team back in 2007.”
April 29th, 2010 at 6:53 pm
Blankfein: Christ, I’m an asshole.
April 29th, 2010 at 6:58 pm
BR: Well, who wins? btw, if you don’t pay up, no one will believe the escrow on the $1,000 GS bet. Just sayin’.
April 29th, 2010 at 8:44 pm
oopppsss.. didn’t catch Fab as well…
“They’re saying I did WHAT?
Only an idiot would do that – oh, wait…”
April 29th, 2010 at 9:48 pm
Tourre: He said we do WHO’S work?
April 29th, 2010 at 10:09 pm
So who won?
April 29th, 2010 at 10:58 pm
Thought of one for Fab, too: In France they call me le grand legume, its an honorific title.
April 30th, 2010 at 5:04 am
Blankfein: Senator, what’s with the third degree? Yesterday you were all:
“Oh Lloyd, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?
My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends.
Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends,
So Lloyd, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?”
Tourre: “Senator, believe me, the tears are real, but due to new regulation I had to put them in escrow”
April 30th, 2010 at 10:27 am
[...] New Yorker-like photo caption contest from earlier this week was a big success — over 400 entries in about 8 [...]
April 30th, 2010 at 10:27 am
The contest is now closed.
Thank you all for participating.
The winners were announced here:
http://www.ritholtz.com/blog/2010/04/blankfein-photo-caption-contest-winners/