Okay, its time for a little fun.
Like the cartoon caption contests the New Yorker runs each month, we are going to have our own little contest.
Whoever comes up the funniest, cleverest most poignant punch line for this photo, wins a signed copy of Bailout Nation.
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Note: Modern Arthur‘s witty “Christ, What an Asshole!” answer to every New Yorker Magazine Caption Contest is disqualified . . .
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Bonus caption contest:
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Try a different caption for The Fabulous Fab !
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Category: Humor, Psychology
Please use the comments to demonstrate your own ignorance, unfamiliarity with empirical data and lack of respect for scientific knowledge. Be sure to create straw men and argue against things I have neither said nor implied. If you could repeat previously discredited memes or steer the conversation into irrelevant, off topic discussions, it would be appreciated. Lastly, kindly forgo all civility in your discourse . . . you are, after all, anonymous.
“WASN’T ME”
LB: “Senator, don’t yell at me, i’m kinda of a big deal”
LB: “Senator Levin I’m happy to answer your questions but Beyonce has the best video of the year!
Blank: No, no, no senator, I told you our motto at GS is “we screw the other guy and pass the savings on to you!”
Fab: “You can actually subpoena my hard drive!”
As God is my witness ,I swear turkeys could fly.
Fab:
“Big LeRoy?!?!!”
Blankfein “Is anyone listening to me? Some people seem to be a little drowsy!”
Fab: “I’m AWAKE!”
LB: “Fine then, senator, I’ll just have to get someone else elected that remembers to look the other way!”
Fab: “Oh no he didn!”
LB: “How’re we to get through this whole binder when you keep asking the same question over and over?”
Blankfein: “I SAID, WHICH HAND IS THE CDO IN!!!!!!”
Fab: “Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever!”
Blankfein: “but then we would have had to cancel the bonuses”
Fab: “honesty?, but this is Wall Street!”
No Congressman Frank! For the last time, the term BSD is just a figure of speech…
Blankfein: Dammit Senator…I’m a switch hitter, but I wear “left”, not that it’s any of your business!
Fab: Quelle surprise, Mr.Blankfein…so do I!!!
Blanky: “You fucked up. YOU bailed us out! It’s not MY fault. That was Hanky’s doing!”
Blankenstein [channeling Captain Renault of "Casablanca"]: “I’m shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!”
Fabulous Fab [channeling Pepe Lepew, international skunk of mystery]: “Come weeth me to zee Casbah, mah demure subprime lovely, and let us make beautiful music together … (loud smooching noises)”
Lloyd: See, with the left hand you do this, and with the other you do that. I learned this trade from a video a buddy at the SEC sent me. I’m sure you’ve seen it before.
Fab: Some people like it!
I’d like to submit this on Cognos’ behalf:
“God… can we stop with the incessant regulatory non-sense? I mean, I get it… promote the book. But all the Washington stuff is costing everyone money. That was an ‘08 story… there are some great earnings and companies stories. And its not like the people hear really “care” about govt waste and bailouts… if so, there is far more waste and fraud in Iraq/Military spending or in Medicare spending (every single year!).”
http://www.ritholtz.com/blog/2010/04/aig-coverup-criminal-charges/#comments
Fab
“Hotmail? What’s dat?”
“This is a high-tech lynching for uppity Jews who in any way deign to think for themselves, to do for themselves, to have different ideas, and it is a message that unless you kowtow to an old order, this is what will happen to you. You will be lynched, destroyed, caricatured by a committee of the U.S. Senate rather than hung from a tree.”
[Apologies to "A Few Good Men" and Jack Nicholson]
Blankfein: “You can’t handle the truth! Senator, we live in a world that has idiots. And those idiots have to be exploited by men with synthetic CDOs. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Senator Levin?”
Blankfein: I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. Oh sorry, wrong hearing though it did work the first time!
Fab: Lloyd, not now!
Why is everybody swearing? I haven’t even finished the first page in this massive binder.
blankfein: “theres no WAY i can pick up that binder with these girly arms!”
Lloyd: That’s right Senator, you must act now! Only these two copies of my unabridged guide to “How to Seem Incredibly Stupid to Those Who Can Mess With Your Life While You Really Rule the World Remain. Order Now!
Fab: Oops, All theez talk of poo .. I theenk I have sheet myself!
Blankfein: “I paid good money to Congress. I shouldn’t be here!”
Fab: “Thank you for not laughing at my public denial.”
The Fabulous Fab: “You want to stick that binder WHERE?”
No, no, my full name is Blank Greedfine!, Fiduciary Responsibility is just my nickname.
Blankfein: I hate to tell you this, Senator Dodd, but we’re short your re-election.
Fabulous Fab: Now, all you gotta do is tell me where the Ace is.
Senator, I never lie and if you aren’t nice to me I’m gonna tell my mommy.
“Look, I said 30 cents on the dollar was plenty, but Hank insisted.”
“How many times do you want me to explain simple economics Senator? Paulson demanded stooges and we supplied them!”
Lloyd: “So he walks away like he’s gonna stiff me, and I say ‘Hey Lama, how about a little something, you know, for the effort’”!
Fab: “I can has cheezburger”?
“Damn it Senator, I’m a Wall Streeter”
Lloyd:
I’ve been working on the railroad
All the live-long day.
I’ve been working on the railroad
Just to pass the time away.
Don’t you hear the whistle blowing,
Rise up so early in the morn;
Don’t you hear the captain shouting,
“Dinah, blow your horn!”
Blankfein: Senator, clearly you haven’t read the 1000+ page booklet clearly explaining innocence on our lawful actions. Our records are clean.
Fab: Fascinating. I am surprised that you think one little e-mail contradicts those 1000 pages!
LB: But the money we made from screwing out clients and widows and orphans went to your campaign, Senator Levin.
FF: The Fabulous Fab means what in prison?!!
Then I took the chicken by the neck in my left hand, and the knife in my right hand, like this, and started sawing back and forth.
But in the end, the blood-letting had no effect on the markets.
Here is the worlds smallest violin, playing the worlds saddest song for all of you poor people.
Should read:
LB: But the money we made from screwing our clients and widows and orphans, went to your campaign, Senator Levin.
‘I don’t think our clients care’ we’re short..” that is how they hedge against us stealing their wives along with their money.
Blankfein: Ethics?? I make damn sure all our employees STRICTLY adhere to the US Congress’s Code of Ethics!
“Senator, why aren’t you getting this? It’s simple. Rock is king, nothing beats rock. Don’t you see? I have rock, you have, oh… wait…”
“Senator our deal was you’re supposed to pay attention to what’s in this hand and forget about the other. Why aren’t you forgetting about the other?”
Blankfein: “I fart in your general direction.”
Sorry, can’t help it that I was raised on Monty Python.
How about a couple of Al Capone quotes to tie in with the “Bankster” theme:
Blankfien:
Capitalism is the legitimate racket of the ruling class
Fab:
Now I know why tigers eat their young…
Fabrice: “THAT email, I wasn’t told that you were provided or that we would be discussing that email.”
“Dont blame me, it’s those damn financial bloggers. They don’t know anything!”
LB-This is how the shakeweight works, a weight goes back and forth giving you a great workout. No, it just looks like you are jerking off.
FF-Just like the etrade baby, I have a shocked face. Do you like it?
Fab: “Wait… you mean this wasn’t just a training exercise?”
Blankfein:
Do you have any idea what my houses, boats, and planes cost to maintain?!
Fab:
I got some land in Vegas for sale.
LB: Senator, I’m short your IQ
Fab Fab: Eet was not sheet CDO; eet was crêpe CDO, monsieur!
The Dark Knights of Goldman Sachs channel The Joker:
Blankfein: “Do I look like a guy with a plan?”
Fabulous Fab: “This town deserves a better class of criminal.”
” no, no – we actually had to use SHOVELS on the crap we were putting in those CDOs”
Blank:
I wanted to be a Rabbi not a lawyer!
Fab:
Pardonnez-moi, mais vas te faire encule, je suis Fab et en français.
“Shitty for whom?”
During prolonged senate testimony on Tuesday, Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein suddenly broke into an air guitar rendition of ACDCs “Highway to Hell.”
Alternate
“The cream rises to the top.”
Lloyd: You can’t ask me those questions! Don’t you know that I’m rich and entitled?
Fab: Senator McCaskill, please put that back on! You know from my emails that I already have a girlfriend…
I just got out of the POOL! It’s was SHRINKAGE! Don’t you women know about SHRINKAGE!
“In order to ensure the future and continuing stability the Republic will be reorganized into the first GALACTIC EMPIRE.”
I am NOT a Vampire Squid!!!
Fab:
But…but…Obama
“Yes Senator, my left fist was used on all CDO customers. Of course, for preferred clients I removed the ring.”
I don’t have to take this! I own you peckerheads!!!
Blank: Listen carefully you self righteous assholes! I’m playing my heart bleeds for you on the world’s smallest ukulele.
Fab: Really? I thought you Americans liked it up the ass. My apologies.
lloyd: “i use two hands – can you?”
fab: “you got the whole fist up there doc?”
Lloyd: I switched selection agents when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders – The most famous of which is “never get involved in a land war in Asia” – but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never go against Goldman when money is on the line”!
Blankfein: I am not a crook! Your President is not a crook!
Fab: But we send the Committee members their payoff every election! Jesus Christ!
LB: Over? Did you say “over”? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
Fab: Excuse me one moment, Senator. WAITER?! I’ve been asking for Perrier since about 9:30 and they keep bringing water from who knows where! Think you could step it up a little here?
Lloyd
You become what I take you to be,at my glance my littlest gesture. I do not need to say more. This is a stick up.
Fab
It’s easy. We tell investors how it is they take up their positions in the space we define. Poof! The money arrives.
“Yes Mr. Senator, you can pretty much milk anything with nipples.”
Blank : Just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.
Fab: In high school it was always “Bonjour, le Fab”, “How’s it going le Fab?”, “Hey, let’s stuff le Fab in le locker”.
Blank: “Shitty, but not net shitty”
Fabs: “It’s because it’s cold – I swear”
Fab:
“No Congressman, this is the face I used when feigning surprise. Watch, here I go. ‘Mr Client, you lost money on that instrument I sold you? I’m shocked!’ …..and scene!”
Dammit Senator, I’m doing God’s work, how can you say these things about me?
LB: ” I’m NOT sorry I took the money! Nyyaaaaa! Ahahahah!”
FT: “Oh wait, well um, 17, something. Who cares, were rich, man. “
“Don’t make me get short with you!”
Apparently senator, your not aware of our new derivative, the SDS or senator default swap, you don’t have a clue of the meaning of SHORT.
Yes, that should be you’re. Damn.
LB: Come on Senator….lets ahndle this like we do at Goldman. Lets go outside… Put ‘em up……Put ‘em up!
Fab Fab: “OUI” – Thank you sir, may I have another?
LB: “At Goldman Sachs our philosophy is simple: if you’ve got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.”
LB: “Am I my client’s keeper?”
FB: “I was not aware of that!”
Blankenfein: “As God is my witness, they’re not going to lick me! I’m going to live through this, and when it’s all over, I’ll never be hungry again – no, nor any of my folks! If I have to lie, steal, cheat, or kill, as God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again.”
Congress reply: Frankly my Dear, I don’t give a damn.
Fabs: “Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-… That’s all, folks.”
on man JerseyDave
that’s gotta be the winner!
Lloyd: The bus is outta control. So I grab him by the collar, I take him out of the seat, I get behind the wheel, and now I’m driving the bus.
Levin : Wow.
Fab: You’re Batman.
Lloyd: Yeah, yeah, I am Batman. Then the mugger, he comes to and he starts choking me. So I’m fighting him off with one hand and I kept driving the bus with the other, ya know. Then I managed to open up the door and I kicked him out the door, ya know, with my foot, ya know, at the next stop.
Levin: You kept making all the stops?
Lloyd: Well, people kept ringing the bell
“I think I have explained our position on VAR a number of times Senator, now if you don’t mind I must attend to my congregation back at 85 Broad St. Thank you.”
Blankfein: “No, Sen. Levin, it’s not that simple–we did it to ‘manage risk’. Imagine that I was playing ‘rock-paper-scissors’ with your grandchildren. I would play ‘rock’ each time since it beats ‘scissors’, then place secret side bets on ‘paper’ since it covers ‘rock’. How is that cheating?”
Lloyd Blankcheck:
“This was supposed to be the summer of Lloyd! The summer of Lloyd!”
Fab:
” These pretzels are making me thirsty!”
Go here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHmvkRoEowc THEN substitute Goldman Sachs for Britney. Would be a classik
Channeling the Airport scene in Silence of the Lambs:
Lloyd: Tell me, Senator did you nurse Abacus yourself?
Senator McCaskill: What.
Lloyd: Did you breast feed it?
Fab: Pardon moi? c’est …..
Lloyd: Toughened your nipples didn’t it. Amputate a man’s leg and he can still feel it tickling. Tell me, mum, when your little pension fund is on the slab, where will it tickle you?
Senator McCaskill: Take this… *thing* back to New York!
Lloyd: Five foot ten, strongly built, about a hundred and eighty pounds; dark hair, eyes pale blue. He’d be about thirty-one. Called himself Fab. He said he was French, but he may have lied. That’s all I can remember, mum, but if I think of any more, I will let you know.
Oh, and Senator, just one more thing: love your suit!
Lloyd
See it goes like this…What’s yours is mine!
Fab
It’s my destiny and my name. I am fabulous. Don’t you see?
Blankfein: You are not LISTENING ! I only got $9 million last year! I’ve ALREADY been punished !
FAB: You mean securities fraud is BAD ? Sacra bleu! They never told me that at the Goldman orientation ! I would have joined SocGen !
“____FEIN!!” …….(Fill in your favorite cuss word)
Mini me takes over the giant squid!!!
Fabs: “I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That’s my dream; that’s my nightmare. Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight razor… and surviving. “
Fab – LLoyd, remember when you said “You’re getting out of a Mercedes to go to the New York Federal Reserve. You’re not getting out of a Higgins boat on Omaha Beach…” bet you never thought that would come back to bite you in the ass. Now we are going to be shoveling shit until hell freezes over!
#2
Fab – Who’s that then?
Lloyd – I dunno, must be a hedge fund mannager.
Fab – Why?
Lloyd – He hasn’t got shit all over him.
Blankfein: “Where’s Hank? What have you done to Hank??”
Sen Levin: Is there someone else up there we can talk to?
Fabio: No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.
BLANKFEIN: “For the last time!! I am sitting in my chair correctly….this IS my face…NOT my ass!!!”
FAB: “sacré bleu, you mean if I admit guilt I GET to go to prison?!?! FABulous!!!!
Fab: I do not understand your American ways, what is “the Vig?”
continuing the Silence of the Lambs meme:
Lloyd: A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.
LB: “Senator, think of my hands as investors in a deal. One trades with us and the other against us.”
or
LB: “Senator, client trust is very important to me. I hold it in the palms of my hands.”
FF: “He squeezes very hard.”
Using interpretive dance, Blankfein communicates subtle nuances of double fisted smash-and-grab technique of investing favored by GS.