Okay, its time for a little fun.

Like the cartoon caption contests the New Yorker runs each month, we are going to have our own little contest.

Whoever comes up the funniest, cleverest most poignant punch line for this photo, wins a signed copy of Bailout Nation.

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Note: Modern Arthur‘s witty “Christ, What an Asshole!” answer to every New Yorker Magazine Caption Contest is disqualified . . .

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Bonus caption contest:

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Try a different caption for The Fabulous Fab !

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Category: Humor, Psychology

Please use the comments to demonstrate your own ignorance, unfamiliarity with empirical data and lack of respect for scientific knowledge. Be sure to create straw men and argue against things I have neither said nor implied. If you could repeat previously discredited memes or steer the conversation into irrelevant, off topic discussions, it would be appreciated. Lastly, kindly forgo all civility in your discourse . . . you are, after all, anonymous.

426 Responses to “Blankfein Photo Caption Contest”

  1. observer75 says:

    “WASN’T ME”

  2. rpole says:

    LB: “Senator, don’t yell at me, i’m kinda of a big deal”
    LB: “Senator Levin I’m happy to answer your questions but Beyonce has the best video of the year!

  3. inessence says:

    Blank: No, no, no senator, I told you our motto at GS is “we screw the other guy and pass the savings on to you!”
    Fab: “You can actually subpoena my hard drive!”

  4. Blash says:

    As God is my witness ,I swear turkeys could fly.

  5. WFTA says:

    Fab:

    “Big LeRoy?!?!!”

  6. Godswork says:

    Blankfein “Is anyone listening to me? Some people seem to be a little drowsy!”

    Fab: “I’m AWAKE!”

  7. BostonAdam says:

    LB: “Fine then, senator, I’ll just have to get someone else elected that remembers to look the other way!”

    Fab: “Oh no he didn!”

  8. LB: “How’re we to get through this whole binder when you keep asking the same question over and over?”

  9. ashpelham2 says:

    Blankfein: “I SAID, WHICH HAND IS THE CDO IN!!!!!!”

    Fab: “Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever!”

  10. DeDude says:

    Blankfein: “but then we would have had to cancel the bonuses”

    Fab: “honesty?, but this is Wall Street!”

  11. dunnpm2 says:

    No Congressman Frank! For the last time, the term BSD is just a figure of speech…

  12. yogi9 says:

    Blankfein: Dammit Senator…I’m a switch hitter, but I wear “left”, not that it’s any of your business!

    Fab: Quelle surprise, Mr.Blankfein…so do I!!!

  13. Mannwich says:

    Blanky: “You fucked up. YOU bailed us out! It’s not MY fault. That was Hanky’s doing!”

  14. ewmayer says:

    Blankenstein [channeling Captain Renault of "Casablanca"]: “I’m shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!”

    Fabulous Fab [channeling Pepe Lepew, international skunk of mystery]: “Come weeth me to zee Casbah, mah demure subprime lovely, and let us make beautiful music together … (loud smooching noises)”

  15. JSC says:

    Lloyd: See, with the left hand you do this, and with the other you do that. I learned this trade from a video a buddy at the SEC sent me. I’m sure you’ve seen it before.

    Fab: Some people like it!

  16. bobabouey says:

    I’d like to submit this on Cognos’ behalf:

    “God… can we stop with the incessant regulatory non-sense? I mean, I get it… promote the book. But all the Washington stuff is costing everyone money. That was an ‘08 story… there are some great earnings and companies stories. And its not like the people hear really “care” about govt waste and bailouts… if so, there is far more waste and fraud in Iraq/Military spending or in Medicare spending (every single year!).”

    http://www.ritholtz.com/blog/2010/04/aig-coverup-criminal-charges/#comments

  17. R. Cain says:

    Fab
    “Hotmail? What’s dat?”

  18. Charlatan says:

    “This is a high-tech lynching for uppity Jews who in any way deign to think for themselves, to do for themselves, to have different ideas, and it is a message that unless you kowtow to an old order, this is what will happen to you. You will be lynched, destroyed, caricatured by a committee of the U.S. Senate rather than hung from a tree.”

  19. kiltartan says:

    [Apologies to "A Few Good Men" and Jack Nicholson]

    Blankfein: “You can’t handle the truth! Senator, we live in a world that has idiots. And those idiots have to be exploited by men with synthetic CDOs. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Senator Levin?”

  20. s1gins says:

    Blankfein: I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. Oh sorry, wrong hearing though it did work the first time!

    Fab: Lloyd, not now!

  21. Andrew84102 says:

    Why is everybody swearing? I haven’t even finished the first page in this massive binder.

  22. sekdirm says:

    blankfein: “theres no WAY i can pick up that binder with these girly arms!”

  23. rjm says:

    Lloyd: That’s right Senator, you must act now! Only these two copies of my unabridged guide to “How to Seem Incredibly Stupid to Those Who Can Mess With Your Life While You Really Rule the World Remain. Order Now!

    Fab: Oops, All theez talk of poo .. I theenk I have sheet myself!

  24. NeutralObserver says:

    Blankfein: “I paid good money to Congress. I shouldn’t be here!”

    Fab: “Thank you for not laughing at my public denial.”

  25. sekdirm says:

    The Fabulous Fab: “You want to stick that binder WHERE?”

  26. TomasDolor says:

    No, no, my full name is Blank Greedfine!, Fiduciary Responsibility is just my nickname.

  27. Winston Munn says:

    Blankfein: I hate to tell you this, Senator Dodd, but we’re short your re-election.

    Fabulous Fab: Now, all you gotta do is tell me where the Ace is.

  28. bm says:

    Senator, I never lie and if you aren’t nice to me I’m gonna tell my mommy.

  29. Charlatan says:

    “Look, I said 30 cents on the dollar was plenty, but Hank insisted.”

  30. sherman mccoy says:

    “How many times do you want me to explain simple economics Senator? Paulson demanded stooges and we supplied them!”

  31. ShermWow says:

    Lloyd: “So he walks away like he’s gonna stiff me, and I say ‘Hey Lama, how about a little something, you know, for the effort’”!

    Fab: “I can has cheezburger”?

  32. Forbes says:

    “Damn it Senator, I’m a Wall Streeter”

  33. hgordon says:

    Lloyd:

    I’ve been working on the railroad
    All the live-long day.
    I’ve been working on the railroad
    Just to pass the time away.

    Don’t you hear the whistle blowing,
    Rise up so early in the morn;
    Don’t you hear the captain shouting,
    “Dinah, blow your horn!”

  34. mddwave says:

    Blankfein: Senator, clearly you haven’t read the 1000+ page booklet clearly explaining innocence on our lawful actions. Our records are clean.

    Fab: Fascinating. I am surprised that you think one little e-mail contradicts those 1000 pages!

  35. makingmoremoney says:

    LB: But the money we made from screwing out clients and widows and orphans went to your campaign, Senator Levin.

    FF: The Fabulous Fab means what in prison?!!

  36. Metzen says:

    Then I took the chicken by the neck in my left hand, and the knife in my right hand, like this, and started sawing back and forth.

    But in the end, the blood-letting had no effect on the markets.

  37. squire says:

    Here is the worlds smallest violin, playing the worlds saddest song for all of you poor people.

  38. makingmoremoney says:

    Should read:
    LB: But the money we made from screwing our clients and widows and orphans, went to your campaign, Senator Levin.

  39. nat123 says:

    ‘I don’t think our clients care’ we’re short..” that is how they hedge against us stealing their wives along with their money.

  40. Breezy says:

    Blankfein: Ethics?? I make damn sure all our employees STRICTLY adhere to the US Congress’s Code of Ethics!

  41. denis_bda says:

    “Senator, why aren’t you getting this? It’s simple. Rock is king, nothing beats rock. Don’t you see? I have rock, you have, oh… wait…”

    “Senator our deal was you’re supposed to pay attention to what’s in this hand and forget about the other. Why aren’t you forgetting about the other?”

  42. MorticiaA says:

    Blankfein: “I fart in your general direction.”

    Sorry, can’t help it that I was raised on Monty Python.

  43. dh2212 says:

    How about a couple of Al Capone quotes to tie in with the “Bankster” theme:

    Blankfien:
    Capitalism is the legitimate racket of the ruling class

    Fab:
    Now I know why tigers eat their young…

  44. Fabrice: “THAT email, I wasn’t told that you were provided or that we would be discussing that email.”

  45. BostonAdam says:

    “Dont blame me, it’s those damn financial bloggers. They don’t know anything!”

  46. forexrick says:

    LB-This is how the shakeweight works, a weight goes back and forth giving you a great workout. No, it just looks like you are jerking off.

    FF-Just like the etrade baby, I have a shocked face. Do you like it?

  47. denis_bda says:

    Fab: “Wait… you mean this wasn’t just a training exercise?”

  48. Iwasframed says:

    Blankfein:
    Do you have any idea what my houses, boats, and planes cost to maintain?!

    Fab:
    I got some land in Vegas for sale.

  49. MikeO says:

    LB: Senator, I’m short your IQ

    Fab Fab: Eet was not sheet CDO; eet was crêpe CDO, monsieur!

  50. Winston Munn says:

    The Dark Knights of Goldman Sachs channel The Joker:

    Blankfein: “Do I look like a guy with a plan?”

    Fabulous Fab: “This town deserves a better class of criminal.”

  51. iknownothing says:

    ” no, no – we actually had to use SHOVELS on the crap we were putting in those CDOs”

  52. solanic says:

    Blank:

    I wanted to be a Rabbi not a lawyer!

    Fab:
    Pardonnez-moi, mais vas te faire encule, je suis Fab et en français.

  53. VennData says:

    “Shitty for whom?”

  54. dcd says:

    During prolonged senate testimony on Tuesday, Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein suddenly broke into an air guitar rendition of ACDCs “Highway to Hell.”

    Alternate

    “The cream rises to the top.”

  55. kensdad says:

    Lloyd: You can’t ask me those questions! Don’t you know that I’m rich and entitled?

    Fab: Senator McCaskill, please put that back on! You know from my emails that I already have a girlfriend…

  56. Vinz Klortho says:

    I just got out of the POOL! It’s was SHRINKAGE! Don’t you women know about SHRINKAGE!

  57. ScottMR says:

    “In order to ensure the future and continuing stability the Republic will be reorganized into the first GALACTIC EMPIRE.”

  58. RF says:

    I am NOT a Vampire Squid!!!

  59. barryh says:

    Fab:

    But…but…Obama

  60. Jim_in_LA says:

    “Yes Senator, my left fist was used on all CDO customers. Of course, for preferred clients I removed the ring.”

  61. Anon Nymous says:

    I don’t have to take this! I own you peckerheads!!!

  62. pc says:

    Blank: Listen carefully you self righteous assholes! I’m playing my heart bleeds for you on the world’s smallest ukulele.

    Fab: Really? I thought you Americans liked it up the ass. My apologies.

  63. lloyd: “i use two hands – can you?”

    fab: “you got the whole fist up there doc?”

  64. richrwc says:

    Lloyd: I switched selection agents when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders – The most famous of which is “never get involved in a land war in Asia” – but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never go against Goldman when money is on the line”!

  65. jjay says:

    Blankfein: I am not a crook! Your President is not a crook!

    Fab: But we send the Committee members their payoff every election! Jesus Christ!

  66. jsprunner says:

    LB: Over? Did you say “over”? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!

    Fab: Excuse me one moment, Senator. WAITER?! I’ve been asking for Perrier since about 9:30 and they keep bringing water from who knows where! Think you could step it up a little here?

  67. pithy says:

    Lloyd

    You become what I take you to be,at my glance my littlest gesture. I do not need to say more. This is a stick up.

    Fab

    It’s easy. We tell investors how it is they take up their positions in the space we define. Poof! The money arrives.

  68. Savage says:

    “Yes Mr. Senator, you can pretty much milk anything with nipples.”

  69. YukTrader says:

    Blank : Just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.

    Fab: In high school it was always “Bonjour, le Fab”, “How’s it going le Fab?”, “Hey, let’s stuff le Fab in le locker”.

  70. Madseason says:

    Blank: “Shitty, but not net shitty”

    Fabs: “It’s because it’s cold – I swear”

  71. Jim_in_LA says:

    Fab:

    “No Congressman, this is the face I used when feigning surprise. Watch, here I go. ‘Mr Client, you lost money on that instrument I sold you? I’m shocked!’ …..and scene!”

  72. bondjel says:

    Dammit Senator, I’m doing God’s work, how can you say these things about me?

  73. RupertB says:

    LB: ” I’m NOT sorry I took the money! Nyyaaaaa! Ahahahah!”

    FT: “Oh wait, well um, 17, something. Who cares, were rich, man. “

  74. agresty says:

    “Don’t make me get short with you!”

  75. trainreq says:

    Apparently senator, your not aware of our new derivative, the SDS or senator default swap, you don’t have a clue of the meaning of SHORT.

  76. trainreq says:

    Yes, that should be you’re. Damn.

  77. curbyourrisk says:

    LB: Come on Senator….lets ahndle this like we do at Goldman. Lets go outside… Put ‘em up……Put ‘em up!

    Fab Fab: “OUI” – Thank you sir, may I have another?

  78. JerseyDave says:

    LB: “At Goldman Sachs our philosophy is simple: if you’ve got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.”

  79. IbotenicAcid says:

    LB: “Am I my client’s keeper?”

    FB: “I was not aware of that!”

  80. rps says:

    Blankenfein: “As God is my witness, they’re not going to lick me! I’m going to live through this, and when it’s all over, I’ll never be hungry again – no, nor any of my folks! If I have to lie, steal, cheat, or kill, as God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again.”
    Congress reply: Frankly my Dear, I don’t give a damn.

    Fabs: “Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-… That’s all, folks.”

  81. solanic says:

    on man JerseyDave

    that’s gotta be the winner!

  82. nedbrines says:

    Lloyd: The bus is outta control. So I grab him by the collar, I take him out of the seat, I get behind the wheel, and now I’m driving the bus.

    Levin : Wow.

    Fab: You’re Batman.

    Lloyd: Yeah, yeah, I am Batman. Then the mugger, he comes to and he starts choking me. So I’m fighting him off with one hand and I kept driving the bus with the other, ya know. Then I managed to open up the door and I kicked him out the door, ya know, with my foot, ya know, at the next stop.

    Levin: You kept making all the stops?

    Lloyd: Well, people kept ringing the bell

  83. agresty says:

    “I think I have explained our position on VAR a number of times Senator, now if you don’t mind I must attend to my congregation back at 85 Broad St. Thank you.”

  84. Alaska says:

    Blankfein: “No, Sen. Levin, it’s not that simple–we did it to ‘manage risk’. Imagine that I was playing ‘rock-paper-scissors’ with your grandchildren. I would play ‘rock’ each time since it beats ‘scissors’, then place secret side bets on ‘paper’ since it covers ‘rock’. How is that cheating?”

  85. Flic says:

    Lloyd Blankcheck:

    “This was supposed to be the summer of Lloyd! The summer of Lloyd!”

    Fab:

    ” These pretzels are making me thirsty!”

  86. howard0339 says:

    Go here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHmvkRoEowc THEN substitute Goldman Sachs for Britney. Would be a classik

  87. scharfy says:

    Channeling the Airport scene in Silence of the Lambs:

    Lloyd: Tell me, Senator did you nurse Abacus yourself?

    Senator McCaskill: What.

    Lloyd: Did you breast feed it?

    Fab: Pardon moi? c’est …..

    Lloyd: Toughened your nipples didn’t it. Amputate a man’s leg and he can still feel it tickling. Tell me, mum, when your little pension fund is on the slab, where will it tickle you?

    Senator McCaskill: Take this… *thing* back to New York!

    Lloyd: Five foot ten, strongly built, about a hundred and eighty pounds; dark hair, eyes pale blue. He’d be about thirty-one. Called himself Fab. He said he was French, but he may have lied. That’s all I can remember, mum, but if I think of any more, I will let you know.

    Oh, and Senator, just one more thing: love your suit!

  88. pithy says:

    Lloyd

    See it goes like this…What’s yours is mine!

    Fab

    It’s my destiny and my name. I am fabulous. Don’t you see?

  89. Michael McGoey says:

    Blankfein: You are not LISTENING ! I only got $9 million last year! I’ve ALREADY been punished !

    FAB: You mean securities fraud is BAD ? Sacra bleu! They never told me that at the Goldman orientation ! I would have joined SocGen !

  90. Kano says:

    “____FEIN!!” …….(Fill in your favorite cuss word)

  91. m111ark says:

    Mini me takes over the giant squid!!!

  92. rps says:

    Fabs: “I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That’s my dream; that’s my nightmare. Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight razor… and surviving. “

  93. tcolemanuf says:

    Fab – LLoyd, remember when you said “You’re getting out of a Mercedes to go to the New York Federal Reserve. You’re not getting out of a Higgins boat on Omaha Beach…” bet you never thought that would come back to bite you in the ass. Now we are going to be shoveling shit until hell freezes over!

    #2
    Fab – Who’s that then?
    Lloyd – I dunno, must be a hedge fund mannager.
    Fab – Why?
    Lloyd – He hasn’t got shit all over him.

  94. Jan says:

    Blankfein: “Where’s Hank? What have you done to Hank??”

  95. sainttjames says:

    Sen Levin: Is there someone else up there we can talk to?

    Fabio: No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.

  96. emailcraigs says:

    BLANKFEIN: “For the last time!! I am sitting in my chair correctly….this IS my face…NOT my ass!!!”

    FAB: “sacré bleu, you mean if I admit guilt I GET to go to prison?!?! FABulous!!!!

  97. Lariat1 says:

    Fab: I do not understand your American ways, what is “the Vig?”

  98. scharfy says:

    continuing the Silence of the Lambs meme:

    Lloyd: A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

  99. bsneath says:

    LB: “Senator, think of my hands as investors in a deal. One trades with us and the other against us.”

    or

    LB: “Senator, client trust is very important to me. I hold it in the palms of my hands.”

    FF: “He squeezes very hard.”

  100. sparks says:

    Using interpretive dance, Blankfein communicates subtle nuances of double fisted smash-and-grab technique of investing favored by GS.