Okay, its time for a little fun.

Like the cartoon caption contests the New Yorker runs each month, we are going to have our own little contest.

Whoever comes up the funniest, cleverest most poignant punch line for this photo, wins a signed copy of Bailout Nation.

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Note: Modern Arthur‘s witty “Christ, What an Asshole!” answer to every New Yorker Magazine Caption Contest is disqualified . . .

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Bonus caption contest:

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Try a different caption for The Fabulous Fab !

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Category: Humor, Psychology

Please use the comments to demonstrate your own ignorance, unfamiliarity with empirical data and lack of respect for scientific knowledge. Be sure to create straw men and argue against things I have neither said nor implied. If you could repeat previously discredited memes or steer the conversation into irrelevant, off topic discussions, it would be appreciated. Lastly, kindly forgo all civility in your discourse . . . you are, after all, anonymous.

426 Responses to “Blankfein Photo Caption Contest”

  1. alaskanriley says:

    but Senator, regulation is wrong, just wrong!

  2. Mr.E. says:

    For Lloyd: Senator, we simply followed a very simple rule of investing – buy low, sell high, but NOT necessarily in that order!

  3. hue says:

    Lloyd: You call it sh*tty deal, we call it market making.

    Fab: senator, your questions are pure populist masturbation, the type of thing you ask yourself what if this hearing has no purpose … i managed to sell a few abacus bonds to widows and orphans in the Senate lobby.

  4. advocatusdiaboli says:

    You call it shit, we call it fertilizer–it helps things grow.

  5. giddyup says:

    Blankfein out loud: It would not be good for America to NOT work with us!
    Unspoken: Remember, we can bankrupt your country.

  6. giddyup says:

    Fab: I’m young! I’m naive! You do understand why I’m here, right?

  7. Stevie b. says:

    Blankfein – Our clients still love us, dammit. I could weep!

    Fab – I like shafting my clients with some sort of empathy, so at the least I did it with my eyes wide open.

  8. rps says:

    LB: “I swear on a stack of bibles that Abacus was composed of AAA mortgages. We welcomed all investors seeking the holy grail of wealth. Once our brethren were on board, we inserted the bundled fuel-injected SIV rods, screwed them as far up as humanly possible and launched Abacus. Then we sat back and waited for them to go Nuclear. That, my friends, is Armageddon in a nutshell.”

  9. brentg1117 says:

    Blank: <>” I…did…not…have…fiduciary….relations….with ….that….company”

  10. Deferred Comp says:

    For all of us Hairclub fans…..” I’m not just the president…I’m a member ! “

  11. call me ahab says:

    Blankfein: “you see- I was squeezing their balls with my left hand and yanking their dicks with my right hand- the clients never had a chance”

    Tourre: “you were yanking their dicks? wow”

  12. Eric W says:

    For Blankfein photo:
    During Senate testimony today Lloyd Blankfein, CEO of the widely worshipped Goldman Sachs, discussed the possibility of the upcoming end of the world, saying “Don’t make me do it, please don’t make me do it.”

    For The Fabulous Fab:
    “Are you really, seriously, truly questioning the Gods? With himself sitting right over there?”

  13. Lariat1 says:

    Blankfein: It’s all God’s fault.

  14. dcsos says:

    Lloyd:
    “Damn, How did Cramer guess how much cash I had in the wallet?”

  15. whskyjack says:

    Blankfein: I bought you!
    I own you!
    Now STFU and deliver what I want!

    Fab: That was illegal? uh oh I did a booboo.

  16. Jim Hodson says:

    Blankfein: Senator. It’s not like I gave our customers Ben Gay when they were asking for Preparation H.

    Fab: You mean that wasn’t Preparation H!

  17. jlhoff says:

    Blankfein: I will get conjugal visits right?

  18. TonyV says:

    Don’t tase me bro’

  19. parkerslake says:

    Blankfein:

    I was playing the music like this… to keep Chuck Prince and everyone else dancing… They’re still dancing!

    Fab:

    What? The music stopped??

  20. Peter Pan says:

    LB: “Who are you to question this God”

    FT: “Pierre Woodman did what to my sister?”

  21. Jvizzle says:

    Pictured above is a photo of Blankfein after being told by Senator Levin that “Santa isn’t real”

    Tourre was similarly surprised by Levin’s proclamation

  22. peter north says:

    Blankfein: “All this negativity isn’t helping!”

  23. southern quebec says:

    Blankfein: ” It was easy… after we formed Abacus with Paulson, the tranches were then shoveled out the door like this…”

    Fab: “Srsly…like I care…”

  24. agresty says:

    “Senator, let’s imagine I have a rolling pin in my hand and I’ll show you how we made the dough!”

  25. Jonathan says:

    “Don’t just stand there, do something!”

    “Bailouts, yummy!”

  26. ACS says:

    Why isn’t that damn Cohn ever out in public taking any of this heat?

  27. jsnuka says:

    “I am not guilty, Senator, but I have hedged against my acquittal, just in case.”

  28. skhiroya says:

    Lloyd: “Mr. Chaiman, it’s actually quite simple. Paulson picked the mortgages, Goldman packaged them into ABACUS, then we SHOVED the AAA-tranche up ACA and IKB’s ass. Fab, do me a favor, show the Senator what ACA and IKB’s reaction was when they found out these were worth zero.”

  29. X on the MTA says:

    “It’s not fair! ML did the same thing. Why didn’t are you picking on me?!”

  30. X on the MTA says:

    err.. take out the “didn’t”

  31. gunlaw says:

    Can’t get any decent help these days.

  32. brentg1117 says:

    Fab: “I…drink…your….TARPshakes!!!”

  33. CG says:

    Blankfein: “Only idiots bet against the house. Especially mine.”

    Bonus: “I thought it was theoretical money.”

  34. advocatusdiaboli says:

    I was only following God’s orders, call him up here!

    Thinking: I’d be friggin’ sainted if I was a Catholic. Wait, we could buy the Vatican and…

  35. Darren says:

    Blankenfein while testifying about how relationship with Fab started: ” I believe the Pet Shop Boys said it best…I’ve got the brains, you’ve got the looks, let’s make lots of money!”

  36. greedsgood4 says:

    In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women. Now SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!!!!

  37. gunlaw says:

    Between the sheets,

  38. KrisK says:

    Lord says: Catch me if you can, you motherf***** :D
    Fab replies: Time to run?!

  39. flashcurious says:

    Lloyd: “I am NOT a Mr. Poopie Pants! That really hurts my feelings.”

    Fab: “Je taime, oooh oui je taime. If zis does not soothe your concerns monsieur, I am afraid you are already dead.”

  40. Kingfish9 says:

    “If my lips are moving, I am lying.

  41. genomik says:

    As Bart Simpson often noted

    “I didn’t do it. Nobody saw me do it. You can’t prove anything”

    Maybe GS really means Goldman Simpson, “doh”

  42. scharfy says:

    ok last one for me

    “You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin’ to? You talkin’ to me? Well, I’m the only one here. Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to? Oh, yeah? Ok?”

  43. polizeros says:

    “I’m not angry, just terribly, terribly hurt, that you would betray us like this after we bought you fair and square.”

  44. nucemgd says:

    Blankfein:

    “Inconceivable!!!!”

  45. Josh says:

    Senator McCain, you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about! Honestly, who let him in?

  46. KellyD3 says:

    Why are you doing this to me? I’m just trying to feed my family! (with apologies to Latrell Sprewell)

  47. stevie314159 says:

    When you are skinning your customers, you should leave some skin on to heal, so that you can skin them again.

    Nikita Khrushchev

  48. wally says:

    ROAR!!!

  49. nofoulsontheplayground says:

    Lloyd:
    The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

  50. saijohno says:

    LB: They may have been shitty, but we threw in handjobs for free.

  51. Dan H says:

    For contest – Blankfein

    Well you see Senator, I had no choice. Some one gave me this SHAFT and, well, the American people were kinda bent over, and as they say, when opportunity knocks …

  52. Hurricanes says:

    Blankfein: “…an den, we hit ‘em wit dis here bat…”

    Toure: “Qui? Moi?”

  53. TEDO says:

    “Do you people realize my Hamptons home lost over $1,000,000 in value???”

  54. David Yaseen says:

    “Do you have a dollar on you? I hate answering questions for nothing.”

  55. Drewbie says:

    Someone bet me to it already, but it HAS to be…

    “INCONCEIVABLE!!!”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-b7RmmMJeo

    “Never trust a Sicilian when debt is on the line!” comes in a close second.

  56. David Yaseen says:

    Oh, and Peter North FTW.

  57. The Curmudgeon says:

    Sorta late, and didn’t have time to scroll through all the others, so if I stumbled across someone else’s, my apologies:

    Blankfein: You want what, Senator? No, I won’t give you a fucking job so you won’t have to kiss anymore constituent ass!

    (props to Jon Stewart on the Daily Show for the idea)

    Fab: Surrender? Why no, it has never occurred to me that I should surrender. Why, are you German?

  58. Elier says:

    “I believe nicotine is not addictive.”

  59. sparks says:

    Fabby Fab: Material misrepresentation of facts is illegal in this country?!! I did not know that. I suppose the next thing you’re going to tell me is that lying under oath is considered a crime as well?!!

  60. AndrewP says:

    Lloyd: “Senator, I am not going to kiss you ass when you are obviously trying to shit in my face.”

  61. pojocinco says:

    “better to short the shitty then have the shitty in your shorts”

  62. Creamcicle says:

    “Fabrice is the tool, not me”

    “Blankfein told me to become the biggest tool possible, pass myself off as a quality vp, short my position, and collect my bonus. Pardon my French, but wtf Blankfein?”

  63. JSC says:

    1. How to properly eat your clients souls.

    2. As you can see from my credit card bill, I needed the extra cash. I mean I am eating an invisible steak!

    3. L: No senator, the Fabulous Fab Tug and Ram trade is executed like so. Fab, lets show them how its really done.
    F: OUI MISUER!

  64. An Inquiring Mind says:

    How dare you call me in here, when are you people going to understand that I am the emperor of planet Earth?!

  65. Les Lofton says:

    LB: And I only got a $9 million bonus.

  66. fully diluted says:

    Blankfein: “How many times must I explain what a CDS really is senator? In my right hand is a sword, something I need protection against, and in my left hand is a shield, that’s my CDS. SHould I role play it for you?”

    Tourre: “Vive la Fête!”.

  67. msaroff says:

    Blankfein: You can’t handle the truth!

    Fabrice: Of course I’m French, why else would I be talking with this outrageous accent!

  68. DefconZero says:

    LB: “Senators, actually the correct analogy to this scenario is this: With my left hand I am massaging Paulson’s member, setting him up to explode, and with my right hand I’m shoving this invisible pole up ACA’s ass without them knowing. The facial expression? That’s me seeing Khuzami come into my office.”

    Fab: “Zees is ze face ACA made when zey saw ze values of their Ceee Deee Ouu”

  69. tsk tsk says:

    “Inconceivable” reminded me of Wallace Shawn’s other memorable role as a teacher in the movie Clueless:

    “And could the suicide attempts please be postponed until the next period?”
    [as Fab tries to jump out of the window]

  70. GregP says:

    LB: “Hank said you would be mean. Why are you so mean to me?”

    Fab: “Hello, I am Meester Geithner, de Secretary of de Treasury. Tenk you veddy much!”

  71. Stacks says:

    “For as back back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster.”

  72. Stacks says:

    was supposed to be “as FAR back”…..apologies.

  73. pezjack says:

    Take this c-note, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you Mr. Senator.

  74. callistenes says:

    Hey losers, this is the sound of me playing my invisible violin.

    This is my OHHH face!

  75. dwkunkel says:

    JerseyDave should win.

  76. tsk tsk says:

    For the bonus: “You probably recognize me from my role in Ocean’s Eleven when I played the really smart, nerdy tech guy that helped a group of thieves rob a casino. But that’s not why I’m here today Senator.”

  77. Elier says:

    Last one from me (from The Wire):

    When you walk through the Senate
    you gotta watch your back
    well I beg your pardon
    walk the straight and narrow track
    if you walk with Goldman
    he’s gonna take your gold
    you gotta keep the regs
    way down in the hole

  78. CK says:

    Blank: If a canoe canoed up a canoe canal…I want to know just how many flapjacks YOU could fit in an outhouse!

    Fab: You…a…planning to use the whole fist there doc?

  79. jyc3 says:

    BR: I went down this path the last time Blankfein appeared before Congress:

    http://ducksflyingbackward.blogspot.com/2010/02/lloyd-blankfein-explains-how-it-is-to.html

  80. tsk tsk says:

    Sorry if this is a dupe.
    For the bonus: “You may remember me from my role in the movie Ocean’s Eleven where I played a smart, nerdy tech guy who helped a group of thieves rob a casino. But that’s not why I’m here today Senator…”

  81. Seth says:

    Blankfein: Senator, as I explained at your *last* fundraiser, when Goldman does it that means it is not illegal.

    Fab: Wait, who’s the patsy at this table again?

  82. bm says:

    I AM NOT a liar. Stop picking on me or I’m TELLING MOMMY.

  83. faulkner says:

    Blankfein: “It’s capitalism, stupid.” (courtesy of Simon Johnson)

    Blankfein: “You know, avoiding this is what all those campaign contributions were supposed to do!”

    Fabrice: “I can see myself. And I look fine!”

  84. JustinTheSkeptic says:

    Leave the guy alone. If your going to whip him then whip Barney Frank, Chris Dodd, Anthony Mizzillo, etc….

  85. pithy says:

    Lloyd : It goes like this, we do not see what we don’t want to. We see something else instead.

  86. Hedgy says:

    Senator, if my kids had asked such stupid questions, I would have held them back a grade in school.

  87. Rog says:

    Blankfein: Oh no please. Everthing… but not mark to market.

  88. emailcraigs says:

    Blankfein: “See, I held them like this…..and then I stabbed them like this………”

    FAB: “AACCKK, I think I’ve been stabbed……”

  89. LR European says:

    Guy in glasses: …this fish is putrid. I think I’m going to vom…

  90. carping demon says:

    Lloyd: ” I CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!”

    Fab: “Truth? Who said truth? You thought I said truth? Wait..what?”

  91. ike says:

    Levin to Blankfein, “Show me your war face!”

    Fab- I zink ze freedom fries should be zenamed to fab fries – oiu-weeee yes?

  92. kola.white says:

    Blankfein: “I also play air guitar. Permit me to demonstrate… “Free as a bird” by the Beatles…”

  93. stonehouse says:

    Yes Senator, stroking my ego takes takes two hands.

  94. MTG. Broker says:

    “Sywvester……the handwing of money is a gweat wesponsibiwity.” -Elmer “Blankfein” Fudd

  95. ACS says:

    Lloyd: I can’t wait to get home and stick some pins in my Taibbi doll!

    Fab: Did he say Tourre doll?

  96. DannyKSRQ says:

    Lloyd: Senator, I don’t think we’re getting our money’s worth from you! I demand a refund!

  97. DannyKSRQ says:

    Fab: Did you really send out for some frog legs?

  98. DannyKSRQ says:

    He looks so much like the character Vizzini in “The Princess Bride”
    Am I going MAD, or did the word “think” escape your lips? You were not hired for your brains, you hippopotamic land mass.

  99. greedsgood4 says:

    Blankfein- “Senators, let me tell you a little story about a man named Shh! Shh! even before you start.
    That was a pre-emptive shh! Now, I have a whole bag of shh!’ with your name on it.”

    “Finally, we come to my number two man. His name? Number Two.”

    Fab- “As the French say the deal had a certain ‘I don’t know what.’”

    Blankfein- “Why must I be surrounded by frickin’ idiots?”

    Fab – “It would have been easier to use our knowledge of the future to play the stock market.
    We could literally have made trillions!”

    Blankfein- “Why make trillions when we could make… billions?”

  100. Winston Munn says:

    Blankfein: “There comes a time when you must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.”

    Fabulous Fab: DOOODY!!!!!