Okay, its time for a little fun.

Like the cartoon caption contests the New Yorker runs each month, we are going to have our own little contest.

Whoever comes up the funniest, cleverest most poignant punch line for this photo, wins a signed copy of Bailout Nation.

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Note: Modern Arthur‘s witty “Christ, What an Asshole!” answer to every New Yorker Magazine Caption Contest is disqualified . . .

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Bonus caption contest:

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Try a different caption for The Fabulous Fab !

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Category: Humor, Psychology

Please use the comments to demonstrate your own ignorance, unfamiliarity with empirical data and lack of respect for scientific knowledge. Be sure to create straw men and argue against things I have neither said nor implied. If you could repeat previously discredited memes or steer the conversation into irrelevant, off topic discussions, it would be appreciated. Lastly, kindly forgo all civility in your discourse . . . you are, after all, anonymous.

426 Responses to “Blankfein Photo Caption Contest”

  1. diogeron says:

    “It’s BLANKfein, goddammit, not BANKfein and give me my bottle of Vicodin back and maybe I’ll answer your shitty question, Senator Levin!”

    Fabulous Fab:

    “To paraphrase Voltaire, mon frere, ‘once a philosopher, twice a pervert.’ Since you ran for president twice and got smoked both times, what does that make you, Senator McCain?

  2. Cynic_FA says:

    LB: Senator you cannot talk to me like that in front of America. Who do you think I am, some auto executive building defective cars for a lousy $10 mill a year. I deserve better than that. Do you know how bad it is?

    Some little pisher with a full head of hair named Barry Ritholtz e-mailed me a link a people making up cartoon captions about me.

    I’m fed up and I’m not going to take it anymore!

    Fab: I’m still going to get that $10 mill for building defective CDO’s, right Boss!

  3. Cimarron says:

    Blankfein: “I want to know where the hell I can get a begger binder so I can bring more shit to this hearing!”

    Fab: “Would you like to biggie size #2?”

  4. AHodge says:

    mini me says
    HEEELP DR EVIL! Teleport me out of here! They are onto us!

  5. whoatheredude says:

    Blankfein-
    Taking a page from McGwire… “I’m not here to talk about the past, I’m here to positive about this subject.”

    … or Palmeiro…”Let me start by telling you this: I have never used steroids, period. I don’t know how to say it any more clearly than that. Never.”

    Tourre-
    “I did not inhale.”

  6. queenamidala18 says:

    (With some apologies to The American President): People don’t buy CDOs because they’re thirsty. They buy CDOs because they don’t know the difference. I mean…err…damn it! That makes me sound guilty instead of putting the blame on the investors…

    The Fab: Senator, my dear mama raised me to be an, how would you say, an ethical business man, oui?

    For the record: In this photo, The Fab looks like he’s a prepubescent boy who is seeing real breasts for the first time; he has that look of wonderment. I doubt a Congressional panel gives that same affect.

  7. AHodge says:

    Fab says
    Mes apologies most profoundly deeply to my customers, za amureecannn publuque. Aussie mon beloved companie. Ah have promisse to pay back to them my bonus share of all they actually lost on zis deal after all za spreads and za hedging?

  8. jacobsk says:

    ‘Senator, I’m shorting this Big binder. I cannot find the page you are referring too”

  9. sowilo says:

    Fab: ” But Senator, if they knew what it was, they wouldn’t have bought it!”

  10. greg says:

    Lloyd…Senator, honest to God this is exactly the look I gave my staff when they told me about all the subprime we were buying, cause I had no idea, you know, myself, cause I mean how could I , you know, in my position as like the CEO. I have people who like understand that stuff for me, you know, kind of like your assistants here today.

    Fab… Senator Levin, I can’t believe you just said shitty on TV!

  11. jessica says:

    Barry,
    There could only be funny captions for these if there were actually someone flying the plane.
    We are in the realm of “pay no attention to the man behind the curtain”.

  12. momus says:

    Senator, I am the Chairman and CEO of Goldman Sachs. You can not treat me this way!

  13. eightnine2718281828mu5 says:

    “They drove a dump truck full of money up to my house! I’m not made of stone!”

  14. bigal says:

    Blank: “That CDO was so full of shit we couldn’t squeeze another fart into it.”

    Fab: “You can send me to a Turkish prison??!!!!???”

  15. AHodge says:

    Add to Fab
    Excuse moi can i take this call?

  16. mote says:

    Blankfein: “I run Goldman how I run Goldman. You want to investigate me, roll the dice and take your chances. So don’t think for one second you can call me down here, flash a badge, and make me nervous.”

    Sen. Levin: “Oh, spare me the psycho babble, father bullshit!”

    “All right,” the Fabulous Fab shouted back. “If you are the police, where are your badges? Let’s see them.”

    Sen. Levin: “Badges? We have no badges. In fact, we don’t need badges. I don’t have to show you any stinking badges. Come out from that shit-hole of yours, we want to speak to you.”

    All dialogue adapted from “A Few Good Men” (movie) and The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (novel)

  17. fully diluted says:

    Tourre: “Fine, I’ll answer your question, how can I feel comfortable selling crap? Let me make it clear, parlez vous français, ce n’est pas possible, now get outta my way!”

  18. mtn.noogs says:

    “Watch, I can even shit gold. Uhhhhhhh”

  19. stockologist says:

    Whats not to understand?? Its like a magic trick. I make your money disappear from this hand and make it re-appear in my pocket instead of this other hand.

  20. greg says:

    Lloyd…Senator, see these two binders here? Well they’re character reference letters from people who support me and The Firm. Important people Senator, people like Angelo Mozilo, Stan O’Neal, Jimmy Cayne, Dick Fuld, Jimmy Cramer, Charlie Gasparino, Hank Paulson, and that AIG guy who lives in London now and many many more. Anyhow I would like them entered into evidence, because to find fault with me is to find fault with these letter writers as well, people who are seen as some of the finest and brightest in the corporate world of yesterday and today, well some of them today, not all.

  21. stockologist says:

    Okay how about we settle this whole thing with a staring contest. Ready?….. set…….GO GO GO!

  22. mgnagy says:

    Blankfein: “The Truth? You want The Truth?! YOU CAN”T HANDLE THE TRUTH!”

    Fabulous Fab: “If I go to jail, I have to hide all the money WHERE?”

  23. Michael M says:

    Blankfein: “Now, the world is either in my right hand or my left hand. Did you pay attention? Your betting America, now which hand is it?”
    Blankfein: “Aaaaaaaaaggh. But then I go left hand boom, right hand jab jab and then Bear’s down, Merrill, Lehman, AIG. Boom! I shook up the world!”
    Blankfein: “What do you mean “shorter in real life”?”
    Blankfein: “Fuck, I should never have asked for a bonus question”
    Blankfein: “Why did you go to the SEC? Why didn’t you come to me first?”
    Blankfein: “I want no inquiries made. I want no acts of vengeance. I want you to arrange a meeting with the heads of the five Agencies. This war stops now.”

    Fab: “Ben Stein’s my real dad?!”
    Fab: “I said Paulson would end up taking a long position, I didn’t say JOHN Paulson.”
    Fab: “A synthetic CDO is a Congressional Debt Obligation that makes no real legislation but is set up to enable companies and senators to express their liquidity preferences.”
    Fab: “but these where sophisticated girlfriends…”

  24. kkm2jt says:

    If I were covetous, ambitious or perverse,
    As he will have me, how am I so poor?

    Shakespeare

  25. vomitingdog says:

    But my mother does like me!

  26. phawk says:

    You little people are really starting to piss me off…if you call me here again I’m going to have your shorts removed and squeeze you by the derivatives!

  27. phawk says:

    You little people are really starting to piss me off…if you call me here again I’m going to have your shorts removed and squeeze you by the derivatives! So help me God!

  28. lmilford says:

    Blanky: “Senator, before you ask that question let me sh@t some money for your campaign!”
    Fab: “Saved emails, they can do that?”

  29. Sunny129 says:

    LB: How can I get through you guys! For the nth time”We did NO wrong!

    Fab: You mean, you cannot understand French?

  30. jonahaw says:

    “What do you mean I can’t become Secretary of Treasury when I am forced out of Goldman Sachs! I’ve worked my whole life to become a public servant. Waaaahhh”

  31. jonahaw says:

    Fab: “Fab means ‘putz’ in English? Are you fk’n serious?”

  32. ssp67047 says:

    “I’m really [babble stammer] trying my best [blither babble] to say something coherent [stammer blither]…”

    Lloyd ‘Silver Tongue Devil’ Blankfein

  33. deadwood says:

    Blankfien:
    “So I said to Fab, Wipe with this hand, eat with the other. And he got the hands confused.”

  34. CitizenWhy says:

    “I didn’t do it, and If I did it, it’s someone else’s fault.”

  35. sammyv says:

    You only think I guessed wrong! That’s what’s so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders – The most famous of which is “never get involved in a land war in Asia” – but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line”! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha…

  36. CitizenWhy says:

    “Hey, watch out idiots, I can ruin your portfolio and every investment portfolio in the whole damn world! Don’t f**k with me.”

  37. ATH says:

    “Sorry, Senator, when you asked how I jerk it up and down I didn’t realize you meant the market.”

  38. DisparityFlux says:

    LB: Oh, come on Carl. We were not big short we were net short. Net short!

    FF: I’m telling you, Frankenstein is real and it’s coming to get us.

  39. john-nicholas says:

    Blank: “Senator Levin, I will not deny that ‘Timberwolf’ was one shitty deal. However, I’m bald and this is my ‘O’ face, so I might have a different perspective on shitty deals, but I digress…”

    Fab: “Senator McCaskill, Don’t knock ‘intellectual masturbation;’ it’s like ‘Sachs’ with someone you credit default swap with, no?”

  40. bjorn says:

    I Stole this from Firesign Theater album 1970 – “Don’t Crush that Dwarf, hand me the pliers” . Where a contestant playing “Hawaiian Sell Out” is handed a brown paper bag as her prize (for her greed).

    Blankfein: Why…this is a bag of shit!!!

    The Fab: Yes, but it’s really good shit.

  41. snapshot says:

    Blankfein:

    “Well, you take the shit I have in this hand and you mix it with the shit I have in my other hand, and you find a buyer.”

  42. powerpenguin says:

    Blankfein: Sure, senator, prosecute the Jews. Very original.

    Fab: Eet iz time for ze “I really givez a fuck” face.

  43. hedgehog says:

    Blamkfein: We are Goldman Sachs! We only adhere to the Ten Commandments!

    Fab: WTF???? There are rules for Goldman?

  44. Bill in SF says:

    Blankfein: 3 Rings!!! 3 Rings!!! Senator, this is the 21st F*ing Century and that’s the best you can do? … a 3-Ring Binder!!! … after I flew these three PowerPoint Experts in at great corporate expense!!! …and as you can see, they stayed up all night recharging my clicker!!!

    The Fab: Oysters or Snails!!! Senator, have you no decency? Everyone knows I prefer Squid!; Giant, Blood-sucking Squid!!! (Oh, waiter, if you ever locate my Perrier, can you also check on my frogs’ legs; I like them rare; you know, still twitching).

  45. worldbanker says:

    Lloyd: “I tell you I have an alibi! I was playing golf.”
    Fab: “Moi aussi. Le golf. Final answer”

  46. mohamssut says:

    LB: “hey, what’s with all the plastic on the floor??”

    Fab: “i specifically said no salt on my margarita…”

    Adult Franklin’s got it, though…well done, sir.

  47. Soupmaker says:

    “It’s my football, the taxpayers gave it to me, and I’m not giving it back!”

  48. Soupmaker says:

    “But Alan, Phil, Barney and Chris said I could do it, so I did.”

  49. Soupmaker says:

    “My mother always told me I was special and I could do anything I wanted to.”

  50. deschain says:

    LB (explaining the rally today and channeling Phil Gramm):
    “The pain in Spain is mainly in the brain”

  51. Soupmaker says:

    Fab: “Whoops!”

  52. rlamas95 says:

    LB:I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people!! Can’t you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?!?!
    Fab: Listen, I’m not joking. This is my job!

  53. hinneh says:

    LB: …shall be thrown into the everlasting pit of penury….the market is not mocked…
    Fab: Huh?

  54. powerpenguin says:

    OK, I can’t resist a few more on Blankfein, but they’ll probably all look stupid in a few hours. Yes, I am a dork.

    Blankfein: Defrauding customers? Oh, I am SO sorry, Captain America. I didn’t get the memo that suddenly we started giving a shit about investors.

    Blankfein: You leave my world of warcraft character out of this.

    Blankfein: Now you tell me something, senator. Exactly how sure are you that I’m wearing pants?

    Blankfein: Senator, I could read this binder if you would just shut up for a minute.

    Blankfein: I’m sorry, were we supposed to go bankrupt like all the good little banks?

  55. bretoneal says:

    Either
    Don’t blame me, blame Countrywide!

    or
    Really! I understand CDO2′s!!!

  56. bretoneal says:

    or another

    What, I’m not going to get a bonus?!?!?

  57. richierich10 says:

    Blankfein:
    “I did not have sex with that woman.”

    Fab:
    “I’m Fabrice Tourre?”

  58. nosoupforyou says:

    Blankfein: From now on, no soup for you.

    Fab: This is how I reacted when I learned that my bonus went down for a whopping ten percent, from 10 mil to 9 mil.

  59. hendry says:

    LB: “As I told you, it would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways INCONCEIVABLE. No one in Guilder knows what we’ve done, and no one in Florin could have gotten here so fast. – Out of curiosity, why do you ask?”

    or

    “Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders – The most famous of which is “never get involved in a land war in Asia” – but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never go against Golden Slacks when The Fed is on the line”!

  60. traderneal says:

    But it’s so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own cdo or his enemy’s? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own cdo, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the cdo in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the cdo in front of me.

  61. Winston Munn says:

    Blankfein: We’re an empire now, and when we act we create our own reality.

  62. DG says:

    That was NOT on the list of questions my office sent you this morning! NOW STICK TO THE SCRIPT, DAMN-IT!!!

  63. pat5 says:

    ” But I ALWAYS get what I want! I’m ME! “

  64. pat5 says:

    Blankfein – ” But I ALWAYS get what I want! I’m ME! “

    Fab ” You mean I CAN’T fix this with an algorithm? “

  65. brandyjc says:

    LB: “I AM ‘everyman’, dammit!”

  66. Hey You says:

    Fabulous Fab: I am to be: ” Thrown under the bus.”" ?????

  67. nosoupforyou says:

    LB: Senators, you want to know how GS operates? The die that I am holding in my left hand, if it comes out any number from one to six, GS wins; any other number, the rest of America wins. See, we run a very fair and balanced casino.

    LB : For the last time senators, it is Goldman Sachs, not Goldman Sucks, as in “suck all your money in and leave you hanging dry”.

  68. Captain Jack says:

    Lloyd: “It’s hard out here for a bankster!”

    [reference: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ARG9BXUZSc&feature=related

    Fab: “In prison they make you do what!?!”

  69. leveut says:

    Blanker: I have all your nuts in my hand, don’t tempt me.

    Fabuloso: More regulation equals more money pour moi?! C’est magnifique!

  70. Peter Davies says:

    Lloyd: “Are you deaf Mr. Chairman? I need to take a bloody leak RIGHT NOW.

    Fab: Admit it Mr. Chairman. You lot just don’t lke Froggies, right?

  71. Peter Davies says:

    Lloyd: Senator Levin, didn’t your mother tell you the Chosen People are supposed to stick together?

    Fab: Mon Dieu. I thought the French were the Chosen People

  72. mike f says:

    Lloyd: Mr Chairman I swear I suffer from dementia. My Doctor will provide a written statement. I don’t remember anything. As a matter of fact I checked my brokerage account this morning and the CDO’s that goldman shorted are worthless in my account. Those bastards screwed me also. I am a victim your honor.

  73. nosoupforyou says:

    LB: You want to know how GS operates, senators? The die that I am holding in my left hand, if it comes up any number from one to six, GS wins; for any other number, the rest of America wins. See, we run a very fair and balanced casino here.

    LB: Only God can question me, you little mere mortals !!!

    LB: For the last time, senators, it is Goldman Sachs, not Goldman Sucks as in “we’ll suck in all your money from you”

  74. esop says:

    Senator, your problem is that you don’t understand real estate !

  75. tazman says:

    Senator Levin :
    Money, it’s a crime
    Share it fairly
    But don’t take a slice of my pie

    Pink Lloyd:
    Money, it’s a hit
    Don’t give me that
    Do goody good bullshit

    I’m in the hi-fidelity
    First class traveling set
    And I think I need a Lear jet
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Mssr Tourre (riffing Monty Python and the Holy Grail from high atop the castle wall):
    You don’t frighten us, Senate pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called “Committee chairs person,” you and all your silly Senator K-nig-hts.

  76. kansascitypothole says:

    Blankfein: Senators, in this other binder I’ve printed out every blog post and all the comments from The Big Picture. It’s where Goldman gets all the best non-fraudulent ideas.

  77. Conquistador says:

    LB: “So I told Joe Cassano, ‘No, I said I like you, not that I *like* like you!”

  78. rjacob1 says:

    LB: I truly believe we did not swap ARMs for hostanges.
    Fab: Mr. Bean’s Holiday

  79. rhodope says:

    You fell victim to one of the classic blunders – The most famous of which is “never get involved in a land war in Asia” – but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line”! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha…
    Vizzini: [Vizzini stops suddenly,his smile frozen on his face and falls to the right out of camera dead]
    from”The Princess Bride”

  80. schellonger says:

    LLOYD: “Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, looking like a fool with your pants on the ground. So we put Goldie in your mouth, gave you synthetic CDOs, pants hit the ground, call yourself a cool cat, looking like a fool, walking down Wall Street with your pants on the ground. Get it up, HEY, get your pants off the ground, you got some Abacus from Fab Fab, then the shit hit the fan. Now you’re looking like a fool, walking, talking with your pants on the ground. Get it up, HEY, get your pants off the ground, looking like a fool with your pants on the ground…Mr. Senator”

  81. schellonger says:

    FAB: “Woah!… so how’s the prostate lookin’ back there, doc?”

  82. AGORACOM says:

    “How can I possibly answer any of your questions when this fucking guy over my right shoulder keeps snoring?”

  83. amazed says:

    What? Me in handcuffs? Where’s my bailout?

  84. Robert says:

    Blank: “Stay away from me with that hedge trimmer already!”
    Fabricate: “Mon Dieu, je ne suis pas Bialystock!”

  85. AGORACOM says:

    FAB: “Actually, I call myself Fabulous Fab because I look like Liza Minnelli when I do this with my eyebrows”

  86. Anon Nymous says:

    We don’t just have brass balls, we have Gold Man-Sacks!!!!

  87. iamsosmrt says:

    LB: We weren’t shorting the Republicans – we were buying protection that the Democrats would win. So WHERE’S THE PAYOFF?!

  88. izimbra says:

    I thought it was interesting that there weren’t any witnesses testifying about how they had been hurt by Goldman Sachs. One possibility is that they really do just see GS as a market maker. The other possibility is that they are embarrassed to publicly admit they were stung in the same way that this lady’s clients were.

  89. outpost says:

    (sings) “There ain’t no mountain high enough
    Ain’t no valley low enough
    Ain’t no river wide enough
    To keep me from getting to you babe.”

  90. HarleyHoward says:

    HOW ELSE COULD WE GET OUR BONUSES????????????

    Fab’s caption

    What, I did something wrong????????

  91. JMH says:

    LB: Senator Levin, I had no idea your mortgage was in Abacus 2007-AC1!

    FT: Mon dieu! McCaskill’s is too!

  92. oldtimer says:

    Blank: Well you see GS does its cooking in a large black cauldron and all I did was stir in some cow-dung.
    Fab: I’ve got a fabulous idea! Why not sell it as Bull’s milk.
    Sales Staff: OK but but it’s a shitty deal.

  93. apj says:

    Whaddya mean the folders aren’t big enough!?!?

  94. Jeroen says:

    -Blankfein: “lloyddamned!”

    -Tourre: “fabdamned!”

  95. Bomber Girl says:

    Fab: Apres moi, le deluge.

  96. Chad says:

    “Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein!”

  97. Bilps says:

    Barry,

    Tongue in cheek, I add some thoughts.

    This is not something that we shat.
    We were just trying to get flat.
    That is where we’re always at,
    Says Mr. Goldman and his hat.

    You say our customers have been rolled.
    Plus,there were things they weren’t told.
    But the Fab’s deal just had to be sold.
    And doing God’s work is for the bold.

    We are just diligent market-makers.
    Running risk against all takers.
    We are mere targets for all the fakers.
    Not as you’re told by the muck-rakers.

    We structure paper for the commonweal.
    That’s the only purpose for a deal.
    We don’t know who will get a steal,
    or which side the pain will feel.

    Our customers will always choose,
    The side they know will not lose.
    For this you rush to J’Accuse,
    just to appear on the evening news.

  98. amazed says:

    Blame those sophisticated investors, not honest hard working Americans like me!

  99. gps says:

    Blankfein – We’ll give you place in heaven !
    Fab – Deal – Place in heaven for acquittal!

    Since both of these guys are from GS, both of them would be coming out with same bargain.