Congratulations! You’ve Only Lost $1 Million Dollars!
John Clarke and Bryan Dawe calculate the cost of the European debt crisis (very funny).
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Transcript after the jump . . .
Clarke and Dawe ask the million dollar questions
Australian Broadcasting Corporation
Broadcast: 20/05/2010
Reporter: John Clarke and Brian Dawe
Transcript
KERRY O’BRIEN, PRESENTER: Time for John Clarke and Bryan Dawe with a few reflections on Europe’s financial woes.
BRYAN DAWE: Your name is Roger yes?
JOHN CLARKE: Roger.
BRYAN DAWE: Ah, that’s your name?
JOHN CLARKE: Roger.
BRYAN DAWE: Good. And what do you do Roger?
JOHN CLARKE: I’m a financial consultant.
BRYAN DAWE: Ah, financial consultant, eh?
JOHN CLARKE: Roger, yes.
BRYAN DAWE: Terrific and Roger how is business at the moment?
JOHN CLARKE: Not bad thank you. Been a bit quiet lately.
BRYAN DAWE: How do you mean lately?
JOHN CLARKE: Since the war. Been a bit quiet.
BRYAN DAWE: Fair enough. Okay, Roger your special subject tonight is the economies of the European community. Your time starts now. Best of luck.
JOHN CLARKE: Thank you.
BRYAN DAWE: How much does Greece owe, Roger?
JOHN CLARKE: $367 billion.
BRYAN DAWE: Correct. And who do they owe it to?
JOHN CLARKE: Mostly to the other European economies.
BRYAN DAWE: Correct. How much does Ireland owe?
JOHN CLARKE: $865 billion.
BRYAN DAWE: Correct. Who do they owe it to?
JOHN CLARKE: Other European economies mostly.
BRYAN DAWE: Correct. How much does Spain and Italy owe?
JOHN CLARKE: $1 trillion each.
BRYAN DAWE: Correct. Who to?
JOHN CLARKE: Mainly France, Britain and Germany.
BRYAN DAWE: Correct. And how are Germany, France, Britain going Roger?
JOHN CLARKE: Well they’re struggling a bit, aren’t they?
BRYAN DAWE: Correct. Why?
JOHN CLARKE: Well ‘cause they’ve lent all the vast amounts of money to other European economies that can’t possibly pay them back.
BRYAN DAWE: Correct so what are they go to go have to do?
JOHN CLARKE: They’re going to have to bail them out.
BRYAN DAWE: Correct. Where are they getting the money to do that Roger?
JOHN CLARKE: That is a good question. I don’t know the answer to that one. (laughs)
BRYAN DAWE: How much does Portugal owe?
JOHN CLARKE: Hang on a minute, what was the answer to that earlier question?
BRYAN DAWE: Just keep answering the questions Roger.
Where is Portugal going to get the money it owes to Germany if Germany can’t get back the money that it lent to Italy?
JOHN CLARKE: Just a minute. What was the answer to the previous que-
The question was: How can broke economies lend money to other broke economies who haven’t got any money because they can’t pay back the money the broke economy lent to the other broke economy and shouldn’t have lent it to them in the first place because the broke economy can’t pay back?
BRYAN DAWE: You are wasting valuable time Roger. How much money does Spain owe to Italy?
JOHN CLARKE: $41 billion. But where are they going to get it?
BRYAN DAWE: Correct. What does Italy owe to Spain?
JOHN CLARKE: $27 billion but they haven’t got it – they’re broke.
BRYAN DAWE: Correct. How can they pay each other if neither of them has any money?
JOHN CLARKE: They’re going to get a bailout, aren’t they?
BRYAN DAWE: Correct. And where is the money coming from for the bailout?
JOHN CLARKE: That is what I’m asking you!
BRYAN DAWE: Correct. Why are people selling the European currency and buying the US dollar?
JOHN CLARKE: Because the US economy is so much stronger than the European economy.
BRYAN DAWE: Correct. Why is that Roger?
JOHN CLARKE: Because it’s owned by China.
BRYAN DAWE: Correct and very well done! And after that round you’ve lost $1 million.
JOHN CLARKE: I’ve lost $1 million? I thought you said well done!
BRYAN DAWE: Yes well done – you’ve only lost $1 million. That’s an extraordinary performance Roger.
JOHN CLARKE: I’ve only lost $1 million.
BRYAN DAWE: Very well done.
JOHN CLARKE: That’s quite good is it?
BRYAN DAWE: Oh it’s excellent.
JOHN CLARKE: Sell everything immediately. Quickly!
KERRY O’BRIEN: I think it’s called laughing as you sink.
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May 25th, 2010 at 4:28 pm
The only thing funny about this is the look on his face. The dialogue is entirely factual. Where’s the humor?
May 25th, 2010 at 4:38 pm
Itw as not easy getting the pause on that exact frame . . .
May 25th, 2010 at 4:50 pm
hoho, welcome to anti-capitalis, the brand new global food powered make-work scheme (sorry, market) in which investors compete to lose the least money…
…it turns out capitalism works just as well in reverse!
huzzar, we’re all saved because them animal spirits are to remain animated while they tear one another apart.
genius.
May 25th, 2010 at 5:48 pm
When the EU catches a cold …
It’s seemed clear for at least the past five years that global debt service had outstripped global income. While global assets may not be exceeded by global liabilities, we are in a toxic debt coverage environment. So treating this escalating insolvency crisis as though it’s a temporary liquidity problem is a prescription for disaster capitalism.
Maybe Bono has the right idea.
May 25th, 2010 at 5:58 pm
“So treating this escalating insolvency crisis as though it’s a temporary liquidity problem is a prescription for disaster capitalism.”
I’d say that we have been treating an escalating demand deficiency problem as though its a temporary consumer enthusiam problem for well over 100 years now.
This is the real reason for the disaster capitalism has made for itself.
May 25th, 2010 at 7:04 pm
[...] Barry Ritholz, here’s a lovely little news commentary/comedy bit that may be the most succinct summary of [...]
May 25th, 2010 at 7:48 pm
@scepticus Says:
May 25th, 2010 at 5:58 pm
“So treating this escalating insolvency crisis as though it’s a temporary liquidity problem is a prescription for disaster capitalism.”
I’d say that we have been treating an escalating demand deficiency problem as though its a temporary consumer enthusiam problem for well over 100 years now.
This is the real reason for the disaster capitalism has made for itself.
——–
It’s just humor…maybe to “quantish” in our times…but still there’s humor.
May 25th, 2010 at 7:51 pm
Serfin’ USA (with apologies to the Beach Boys)
“I’d say that we have been treating an escalating demand deficiency problem as though its a temporary consumer enthusiam problem for well over 100 years now. This is the real reason for the disaster capitalism has made for itself.”
If this was just escalating demand deficiency mistaken for temporary consumer de-enthusiafication, I might agree. However, endemic toxic debt undercuts economies in two ways 1) by impairing the value of assets financed with such debt, and 2) by forcing writedowns of paper for those investors who are left holding the bag.
Disaster capitalism is a system that drives greater concentrations of wealth upward into the hands of fewer and fewer individuals at the expense of everyone else. It’s neither a temporary nor unintended consequence of how the game is played, and especially so since governmental capture has institutionalized privatized profits and socialized losses for Robert Rubin and his acolytes.
If the old expression Cash is King holds true, then grab your long board, and start paddlin’.
May 25th, 2010 at 8:08 pm
PPDCUS (whatever that stands for), the demand deficiency inherent has nothing to do with government.
It arises from distributing goods via the functiona of the price level.
1. growth happens.
2. profits are the difference between wages growth and economic growth. These profits accrue to capital.
3. profits accruing to capital are not generally spent on consumption, they are re-invested in the wealth cave.
4. an overhang of capital results and drives interest rates down and down until a liquidity trap happens.
5. deflation sets in and a very high real interest rate emerges (even with nominal rates at zero). This accelerates the collapse.
6. civil war and or war (unless at this point you can find a new growth zone to indebt (I mean invest in) , like the japanese have with us the last 20 years).
all this so called toxic stuff is that capital overhang that doesn’t have anywhere to go apart from to a greater fool. soon it will be destroyed, but unless we find a better way than the above we shall find ourselves back at (3) before we know it.
May 25th, 2010 at 8:11 pm
so I should have said above, that1-6 will always happen regardless of the governmental influence unless that governmental influence is to move excess capital from investors to consumers such that interest rates stay away form the 0% bound.
Assuming that can’t be accomplished for whatever reason, the 0% bound has to b removed, which actually accomplishes the same aim by more market directed methods.
May 25th, 2010 at 10:06 pm
Funny,
But you’re entertaining your constituents about a week late with this one…
This has already made its way about 12x around the blogosphere…
~~~
BR: I’ve been traveling
May 26th, 2010 at 12:01 am
@BR
LOL – You definitely have that going for you… (which you deserve – I might add – despite my incessant ‘needling’)…
Just do me a favor… Don’t lose sight of what you STARTED (a few years back)… Things haven’t really changed all that much from where they were a short while ago… (besides a stupid 83% rally)…
May 26th, 2010 at 6:48 am
It is good to see that we can still laugh at such terrible economy situations. I mean, sometimes, the only way to avoid so much stress is to handle the truth, not to avoid or neglect it, but to do it with an optimistic and funny approach of the whole situation.
I enjoyed the video a lot and I am going to recommend it to all the entrepreneurs I interact with.