New SEC Regulations for CEOs
From (who else?) The Onion:
“Securities and Exchange Commission officials are calling it the strictest regulatory reform since the Great Depression: CEOs of major financial institutions will now be required to humbly shrug and smile sheepishly before accepting huge salary bonuses.
The new regulation, SEC rule 206(b)-7, will reportedly target Wall Street executives who accept disgustingly bloated annual payouts, forcing them to raise and then lower their shoulders in a manner that conveys a mild degree of humility or a sense of “Aw, shucks. Who? Me?”
“This sweeping new reform sends a clear message to fat-cat CEOs at firms like Goldman Sachs and AIG,” SEC chair Mary Schapiro said Monday. “Never again will they be able to receive massive bonuses unless, at a minimum, they flash a gee-I-don’t-think-I-should expression and say something like ‘Well, all right, but only if you insist’ first.”
“Mark my words,” she continued, “The days of greedy, out-of-touch executives pocketing outrageous $40 million bonuses without acting slightly embarrassed about it are over.”
The crackdown comes on the heels of Wall Street’s 2010 bonus season, during which not one executive was observed to look at the floor meekly, sink his hands into his pockets, or dig his right toe awkwardly into the ground before taking his cut of the estimated $55 billion in payouts.”
-New Law Forces CEOs To Humbly Shrug Before Receiving Massive Bonuses
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Source:
New Law Forces CEOs To Humbly Shrug Before Receiving Massive Bonuses
The Onion, May 6, 2010 | ISSUE 46•18
http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-law-forces-ceos-to-humbly-shrug-before-receivi,17380/
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May 24th, 2010 at 5:04 pm
LOL LOL LOL!!! Amazing that we still live in a world (still) where the jesters (eg the Onion, Jon Stewart) etc are the only ones telling the truth…
May 24th, 2010 at 5:22 pm
Mary’s still looking for what caused the May 6th selloff.
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/Regulators-may-never-pinpoint-rb-4096340033.html?x=0&sec=topStories&pos=5&asset=&ccode=
Is it actually possible to regulate something when you have no idea what’s going on? And do you get a corner office too?
May 24th, 2010 at 6:28 pm
The richest federal employee is none other than SEC chair Mary Schapiro! Now that’s what a call the “right” person to talk about excessive compensation for … for… what again? Making executives bow to perception management while continuing to actively support and encourage corrupt chrony capitalist practices. So it’s okay to lie, cheat and steal (on the taxpayer dime ,no less) as long as you put on a long face, huh Mary? Well Mary, I guess having been a “dear friend” of Bernie Madoff for many years ( Mary was quick to say she denied that “characterization” ), you ought to know all about how this shit works.
I would just love to see you in a mud wrestling match with Brooksley Born. She would kick your ass.
May 24th, 2010 at 7:03 pm
$55B in payouts???? I think they forgot a decimal place.
WTF is wrong with this picture?
Well, we’re back to the royalty/feudal days where the only contribution to “GDP”, if it was being measured, began and ended at the lord’s castle.
So, I guess all that consumer spending is on yachts, vacation resorts, fifth vacation homes, etc. $10,000 Manhattan strip club visits.
Do the math. What percent of GDP is WS? What else do we need to know?
And exactly why is every incumbent up for election getting the shit kicked out of them?
Gosh. Clueless.
So, as BR would like to challenge people, how much of the consumer spending increase originates in the top 1%? That would be a great stat. Ought to be some data there.
The banks know that stat. That’s how they choose to offer “preferred customer” bennies.
May 24th, 2010 at 7:32 pm
The hijacking of public corporations for the benefit of management will not end until mutual fund managers are forced to vote their shares with a fiduciary duty to their investors.
May 24th, 2010 at 7:42 pm
I was have’g a beer (ok 2) over across the river .. (got my alternator wind generator parts – start’g that Xmas present to self) .. bartender had birthday party was tellin stories .. I asked what else he does for living .. states collect the UE dime “as long as their willing – he take it” .. had to remind him as long as he’s spending it right here in these USA territories its all good .. round n round is good .. bottom line – is everything getting done – people fed – streets clean * – houses not fallin down for no reason and a then be a waste
* ok that is a need – do people use garbage cans with lids anymore?
http://www.greentreegazette.com/uploads/ironeyescody.jpg
May 24th, 2010 at 8:33 pm
how does anyone live on that kind of money?
May 24th, 2010 at 9:50 pm
Get a couple of glue sticks, take off all their clothes, cover themselves in c notes and dance on the corner of Broad and Wall on the anniversary of Bear Stearns demise.
May 24th, 2010 at 9:54 pm
ACS wrote:
I’m afraid it’ll take much more than that. The hijacking has spread like an epidemic to the non-profit sector too:
http://www.baltimoresun.com/business/bs-bz-umms-ceo-pay-20100519,0,5247421.story
Two sectors that have been particularly under assault are universities and health care organizations:
http://hcrenewal.blogspot.com/2010/05/paying-ceos-of-health-care-not-for.html
To top it all, these fuckheads don’t even have to know the first thing about what they manage:
http://hcrenewal.blogspot.com/2010/05/why-pretend-advertising-executive-and.html
May 25th, 2010 at 3:58 am
Many years ago, a senior manager I worked for spent ten days in Nigeria working to collect about $15 million owed to the company. Our group of traders were astonished and appalled and we asked him how he could stand to spend so much time down there dealing with the types he had to deal with to get the money. His response? “For fifteen million dollars, I would suck c*&k.”
I am sure we could improve on a shrug and an apology as conditions for accepting these outrageous bonuses. (I am not against the amount, but rather against the fact that the bonuses come from money stolen from US.)
May 25th, 2010 at 11:00 am
Now that’s just funny, I don’t care who you are