Tired of playing buzzword bingo ?
Then you need Unsuck-it.com — its the cure for terrible business jargon:
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click to unsuck
Category: Digital Media
Please use the comments to demonstrate your own ignorance, unfamiliarity with empirical data and lack of respect for scientific knowledge. Be sure to create straw men and argue against things I have neither said nor implied. If you could repeat previously discredited memes or steer the conversation into irrelevant, off topic discussions, it would be appreciated. Lastly, kindly forgo all civility in your discourse . . . you are, after all, anonymous.
We love buzzword bingo, customized this one for our purposes some time ago. Makes long video conferences much more enjoyable: http://saksena.net/partygames/bingo/
big eyed friendly unicorns – SEC
leprechauns with pots of treasure – FOMC
Uncle Stupid – USG
magical thinking – Much of Technical Analysis
magic charts – TA charts that imply the future is predestined
“I’m feeling douchey”
What a freekin’ hoot!
As Soon As Possible (ASAP) =
I needed it at 8am this morning, but forgot to send the email request at 8pm last night.
A good amount of these are merely slang. The truly terrible are those that butcher context.
I’m feeling no more douchey than the Gen Y douchebag that re-engineered the meaning of douchebag. I’m stuck calling these erstwhile douchebags, cunts…which actually turned out to be more fun.
The punt involves refusing to take responsibility (or “ownership” in BB parlance) and failing to offer any insight beyond “not mine” and such. Since someone might misconstrue use of the word “cunt” as unprofessional, I’ve taken to calling these types, “Louie Aguiar,” as, after one of his shyte kicks, he used to run down and complain to the side judge about the spot.
I tried “incentivize,” which is one of my pet peeves — it quite usefully came up with “motivate, persuade.” Now if we could just translate stupid moronic bosses who don’t think that something is good unless it incorporates every stupid buzzword he just heard about in his last leadership seminar.
Remember when the huge buzzword was “leverage?” Wonder how that came out. . . . . .
some 0f the unsucked changes suck worse than the suck term you are trying to unsuck. For instance:
“milestone” now becomes “piece of a project”- ???? As in Apple just hit the 1 million ipad’s sold “piece of the project” ???
“rainmaker” now becomes “An employee that makes the company a lot of money”- wow- tell me that doesn’t suck worse- and it would really be “an employee who brings in a lot of business” or to use another cliche- a “heavy hitter”
and then “touch base” unsucked becomes a noun to mean a conversation or meething????? As in we just had a “touch base”????? Shouldn’t it be a verb- “touch base” = “contact”
anyway- I hope no-one calls me a douche rocket
paradigm = model.
the bottom line=”well tickle my taint”…..LOL
Brilliant! Thanks for the post.
Doable – please. Orientated – what? Runrate – wear a sign that says kick me. Motherfucking crook – I look forward to it on a future conference call.
An oldie but goodie – “Thinking outside the box”. I just used it tonight in a conversation with reference to the application of concepts in one area of life to another for scientific advances that are being made. However, when I hear it being used all the time in business environments as a mantra, it’s a farce ; truthfully, most people are incapable of actually being able to abstract ideas and apply it to other areas.
Two of my “favorites”…
“Give me your input.” Even computer people who should know better use this. You cannot get “input.” You receive input. You give output.
“I don’t disagree.” Say what? This is a slimy way of making people think that you agree while what you are really sahing is that you don’t necessarily agree or disagree.
But I digress..why do buyers make offers on houses when they have nothing to offer but a bid?
My two candidates for most unbearably irritating pomposity:
1. “reach out to”
The site unsucks this as “contact or inform”, but that still seems like giving it way too much importance. It really should be just “talk to, speak to”.
2. “craft” (as in to ‘craft’ a letter)
Not sure how they missed this contemptibly self-important gem, but I have just added it on the site. The unsuck is: “to write”.