Contest: Ideas for Goldman Sachs Ad Campaign
Dealbook reports that Goldman Sachs is kicking off a new advertising campaign:
It is no secret that the American people do not exactly feel warm and fuzzy these days about Wall Street. But among all the firms that have drawn the public’s ire over the past few years, few have come to epitomize money-making nefariousness like Goldman Sachs.
Goldman took its most visible step yet in counteracting that less-than-desirable image on Wednesday, beginning a national advertisement campaign aimed at explaining to average citizens what the company does.
“We need to give them a better understanding of who we are and what we do,” David Wells, a spokesman for Goldman, told DealBook. “This is meant to help do that.”
Heh heh. A better understanding of who they are and what they do? Hell yeah, we can help you with that. We certainly can help the public understand who you really are.
Thus, tonite’s request: What are your best ideas to rehab the trading giant’s image?
John Melloy of FastMoney kicks things off with these suggestions:
Goldman Sachs: There Are Some Things Money Can’t Buy. For Everything Else, Use JPMorgan.
“Time to Make the Synthetic Credit Default Swaps” (featuring “time to make donuts” guy)
Between Lloyd and Madness Lies… Obsession
My own contribution is decidedly simpler:
“Goldman Sachs: Like we give a fuck what you think of us . . .”
CrowdQuery: Whats your best (no holds barred) idea for GS’s new ad campaign ? Give me your cleverest pithiest Goldman Sachs PR phrases, and I will make sure they find their way to the right persons . . .
~~~
I’ll post the best 10 the way we did for the prior contests: General Motors (Top 10 Things the Letters “GM” Stands For) and UBS (UBS Stands For . . . ?)
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September 29th, 2010 at 6:58 pm
“Just give us your damn money, why waste time, we are the best, through government or through goldman”.
September 29th, 2010 at 7:00 pm
Trust me, it’s a beautiful bridge at a great price, we can help with the financing, and I can see it from my window.
September 29th, 2010 at 7:01 pm
GS, fucked if you do business with us, fucked if you don’t….
September 29th, 2010 at 7:11 pm
I think they should aim for honesty:
Goldman Rapes Pillages & Sachs
September 29th, 2010 at 7:12 pm
The background music to the ad has to be Steve Miller Band’s “Take the money and run”
“Goldman Sachs. 60% of the time, your money works every time.”
September 29th, 2010 at 7:14 pm
SPECTRE, THRUSH, KAOS . . . . Goldman Sachs.
[fade to black]
We keep good company . . . and you should keep ours
September 29th, 2010 at 7:15 pm
Goldman-Sachs:
Helping Main Street America build our wealth for the future.
When we’re at the table with you, you know who the mark is.
We put the zero in the zero-sum game.
Where payoffs and bonuses are guaranteed–Thanks America.
We believe in America–so we’re investing in Washington and making it profitable again.
September 29th, 2010 at 7:15 pm
Goldman Sachs: We’ve never killed any puppies. That you know of.
September 29th, 2010 at 7:16 pm
GS: Making life richer for the richer. (http://www.flickr.com/photos/squeakywheel/100089010/)
September 29th, 2010 at 7:19 pm
Goldman Sachs: We make money the old-fashioned way…lie, cheat, manipulate…you know, whatever we gotta do.
September 29th, 2010 at 7:21 pm
Goldman Sachs: bankers with the golden sacks
September 29th, 2010 at 7:25 pm
Goldman Sachs: “Why would you need a ski mask and a gun to rob the people?” (in a grinch kinda way)
September 29th, 2010 at 7:29 pm
Like a good neighbor, GS is there (standing in your yard, watching your house burn to the ground).
September 29th, 2010 at 7:30 pm
God’s Work. It’s not just for hurricanes and famines and locusts anymore.
September 29th, 2010 at 7:40 pm
Goldman Sachs: Doing gods work, since 1869.
Goldman Sachs: Take the blue pill.
September 29th, 2010 at 7:42 pm
The U.S. Government, bought and paid by Goldman Sachs.
September 29th, 2010 at 7:42 pm
Goldman Sucks…get used to it.
September 29th, 2010 at 7:43 pm
Buy American, we are! The recession is over says NEBR. “Now go long SPY so, we can close our long and go short!”
September 29th, 2010 at 7:49 pm
Doctor Evil does not work for Goldman Sachs*
*he was under-qualified
September 29th, 2010 at 7:51 pm
GS: Making you forget about Bernie Madoff one CDO at a time
September 29th, 2010 at 7:54 pm
Goldman Sachs: There is no greed like our greed
Goldman Sachs: The evil empire never sleeps
Goldman Sachs: Mastering the alchemy of Greed
Goldman Sachs: Shearing sheep and customers 24/7
Goldman Sachs: Where insider information is just information
September 29th, 2010 at 7:55 pm
Goldman Sachs keeps going and going and going.
Goldman Sachs, have it our way.
Hearts, stars, and horseshoes. Clovers and blue moons. Pots of gold and rainbows. And me red balloons. That’s me Lucky Charms. Goldman Sachs, we’re magically delicious.
September 29th, 2010 at 7:56 pm
Goldman Sachs: We [Heart] Ripping Your Face Off.
September 29th, 2010 at 7:57 pm
Goldman Sachs: We shit on more people before 6 am than most bankers do all day.
September 29th, 2010 at 7:58 pm
All your base are belong to us.
September 29th, 2010 at 8:02 pm
Goldman Sachs, we’re rich as hell and we’re not going to take this anymore!
September 29th, 2010 at 8:04 pm
Goldman Sachs, lobbying to bring “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” to a whole new level.
September 29th, 2010 at 8:04 pm
Goldman: Talent. Innovation. Value.
Read it as you will.
September 29th, 2010 at 8:09 pm
@Johnny99, you were soooooo close.
GS: We make money the old-fashioned way, we steal it.
September 29th, 2010 at 8:12 pm
GS: We are the financial leaders and we will lead the next raid on your future.
September 29th, 2010 at 8:13 pm
Goldman Sachs: Your money. Our Profit.
September 29th, 2010 at 8:14 pm
Baseball, hot dogs, apple pie and Goldman Sachs.
Buy a bucket of CDOs and have a barrel of fun.
Goldman Sachs: You only go around once in this life, so you have to grab for all the money you can get.
Suckers Wanted – Goldman Sachs
We love to steal and it shows
OK, that’s enough. Of course, GS would never stoop so low as to steal someone else’s slogan.
September 29th, 2010 at 8:16 pm
GS: Doing God’s work means we answer to a higher authority. Bitchez.
Plop, plop, fizz. fizz . . . we own your government. Bitchez.
Choose Goldman, and leave the money to us.
Goldman cheeses your money away.
Goldman Sachs: This looks like a good place for a Stick-Up.
September 29th, 2010 at 8:19 pm
Music by AC/DC –
“…we broke all the rules, played all the fools…..you’ve been THUNDERSTRUCK”
September 29th, 2010 at 8:20 pm
and more…
GS: Your money at work….for us.
GS: Theft is ok if the government helps you. Also, we are the government.
GS: We’re not crooks, we’re profit optimizers.
GS: Business ethics are relative concepts. [cue Billy Madison scene]
GS: We make more money than you. Why aren’t you impressed??
GS: My suit is more finely tailored than your rags.
GS: Let them eat cake.
September 29th, 2010 at 8:26 pm
Goldman Sachs. Here today. Gone tomorrow.
Goldman Sachs. Because we’re worth it.
Goldman Sachs. On your team. Because you’ve got what we want.
“All the perplexities, confusion and distress in America arise, not from the defects of the Constitution or confederation, not from want of honour or virtue, so much as from the downright ignorance of the nation, of coin, credit and circulation.” John Adams, 2nd President of the USA
September 29th, 2010 at 8:34 pm
Gold-man Sachs: Greed Sanctioned.
September 29th, 2010 at 8:41 pm
“We’ll Cheat Ya Right”
September 29th, 2010 at 8:42 pm
I normally don’t chime in, but how can I resist. I have two, both gems.
“Goldman Sachs: Like that guy you hated in high school, but in a suit.”
or
“Goldman Sachs: America’s Counterparty”
September 29th, 2010 at 8:49 pm
Goldman Sachs: We Fuck You & You Pay Us- (yes!) We’re That Good ™
for further information contact us at http://www.youareafuckingloser.com or via phone at 800-ura-luzr
September 29th, 2010 at 8:52 pm
The Rothschilds are pussies. Sign here maggot.
September 29th, 2010 at 9:00 pm
“In November, vote early and vote often.”
September 29th, 2010 at 9:23 pm
Goldman Sachs: We put the douche in fiduciary.
September 29th, 2010 at 9:34 pm
Viss nailed it.
More:
Goldman Sachs. No, we won’t call you afterwards.
Goldman Sachs – Nothing to see here Citizen.
Goldman Sachs: STFUGBTWOK
September 29th, 2010 at 9:39 pm
Goldman Sachs: Our dicks swinging you into recession since 1869.
September 29th, 2010 at 9:39 pm
Goldman Sachs: You can’t go! All the plants are gonna die!
September 29th, 2010 at 9:47 pm
Goldman Sachs: It’s not personal, Sonny. It’s strictly business.
September 29th, 2010 at 9:48 pm
Goldman Sachs: Everything that SEC guy said was a bullshit.
September 29th, 2010 at 9:50 pm
Thank you.
September 29th, 2010 at 9:56 pm
Vote for anybody you want, they all work for us.
September 29th, 2010 at 10:05 pm
Goldman Sachs: A Treasury of valuable market knowledge.
September 29th, 2010 at 10:05 pm
We sold our souls so you don’t have to.
September 29th, 2010 at 10:09 pm
Us: Goldman Sachs. You: Soylent Green.
September 29th, 2010 at 10:20 pm
Barry, there’s the rare occasion where the public can be engaged with a financial product on a level beyond flash — if they have a sentimental bond with the product. My friend Teddy used to talk about a deeper bond with a product: nostalgia. It’s delicate… but potent. Teddy told me that, in Greek, “nostalgia” literally means the pain from an old wound. It’s a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone.
A Goldman Sachs CDO isn’t a spaceship. It’s a time machine. It goes backwards, forwards. It takes us to a place where we ache to go again. It’s not called a CDO. It’s called a carousel. It lets us travel the way a child travels: around and around, and back home again, to a place where we know we are loved.
September 29th, 2010 at 10:25 pm
>> What are your best ideas to rehab the trading giant’s image?
Goldman Sachs
Go fuck yourself. ™
September 29th, 2010 at 10:28 pm
“To Serve Man”…
September 29th, 2010 at 10:29 pm
“reach out and fuck someone”
September 29th, 2010 at 10:31 pm
An old Chinese saying: When approaching an abyss, put your customers first. We do. Goldman Sachs – When you want a personal shove.
Goldman Sachs: We make money the old fashioned way. We fleece our customers.
Working with Goldman Sachs is sheer delight, with their clients being the sheep.
When Goldman Sachs talks, investors get screwed.
September 29th, 2010 at 10:39 pm
“We love our clients ‘almost’ as much as we love ourselves”.
September 29th, 2010 at 10:39 pm
Goldman Sachs: We profit from your trust.
September 29th, 2010 at 10:40 pm
Goldman Sachs: Fuck You. Fuck the World.
Goldman Sachs: We have gold man-sacks
Goldman Sachs: All your cash are belong to us.
September 29th, 2010 at 10:59 pm
Government Bailout: $29 billion
SEC Settlement: $550 million
Doing God’s work? Priceless.
September 29th, 2010 at 11:00 pm
Our fortune is to know your misfortune.
September 29th, 2010 at 11:01 pm
Lloyd B speaking: “In God we trust”… for centuries a symbol of American wealth and heritage… “WE do God’s work”. Goldman Sachs, your toll bridge to heaven…
September 29th, 2010 at 11:04 pm
My idea is not funny, Goldman needs to set up an educational website demonstrating how the financial system almost became nothing other then a jumble of disconnected wires and how they contributed to a wreck that almost happened.
On TV they need to run a series of ads that commits 20% of their net income to non-profits active in public education, feeding the 15% of the population in the U.S. that are in poverty, and providing support to those in the military who return to no jobs, broken families, and a bleak future and continue to do so until the unemployment rate reaches 5%.
September 29th, 2010 at 11:04 pm
our fortune is to know your misfortune.
September 29th, 2010 at 11:05 pm
“We keep the gold, you get the sacks”
September 29th, 2010 at 11:06 pm
Goldman Sachs: first in greed and first in line for a flu shot.
Narcissism is good.
September 29th, 2010 at 11:06 pm
Goldman Sachs: We’re now short term greedy.
September 29th, 2010 at 11:07 pm
Goldman Sachs: Our fortune is your misfortune
September 29th, 2010 at 11:08 pm
Got Greed?
Here’s a few memorable ones that come to mind:
Just Screw It
Nothing Sucks Like Goldman Sachs
A market is a terrible thing to waste
September 29th, 2010 at 11:15 pm
GS: Well, it would be God’s work, if God had balls
September 29th, 2010 at 11:22 pm
Goldman Sachs- Maximum profit. Minimum effort. Zero integrity.
September 29th, 2010 at 11:24 pm
Goldman Sachs: You’re just jealous.
Goldman Sachs, like the energizer bunny, we keep gouging, and gouging….
My personal favorite…from Tommy Boy:
Tommy: Because they know all they sold ya was a guaranteed piece of shit. That’s all it is, isn’t it? Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I got spare time. But for now, for your customer’s sake, for your daughter’s sake, ya might wanna think about buying a quality product from me. (Insert Goldman for the word “me” even though we all know it’s bullshit).
September 29th, 2010 at 11:36 pm
Lots of bitterness here. Permit me join in:
September 29th, 2010 at 11:51 pm
http://www.orlandoweekly.com/blog/images/fuckyou.jpg
September 29th, 2010 at 11:56 pm
Viss got it. But couldn’t resist…
“We make money for you, or against you, or sometimes both.”
September 30th, 2010 at 12:02 am
You’re in good hands with our state
September 30th, 2010 at 12:15 am
Goldman Sachs. We’re a bank.
… Right?
September 30th, 2010 at 12:19 am
“This nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom — and that government of the Goldman, by the Goldman, for the people, shall not perish from the earth. “
September 30th, 2010 at 12:43 am
Goldman Sachs: an offer you can’t refuse.
September 30th, 2010 at 12:50 am
Goldman Sachs: Wisening Chumps Since 1869.
September 30th, 2010 at 1:01 am
Superimposed on a bell curve:
We really move our tails for you!
September 30th, 2010 at 1:05 am
Hey! Baby! Its me…Lloyd. I’ve only got twenty minutes so just roll over and play dead.
September 30th, 2010 at 1:06 am
Goldman Sachs – the future home of Social Security.
September 30th, 2010 at 1:14 am
Wish I could edit my earlier ones. Last one as it was floating around for a while.
Goldman Sachs – Go, get the butter.
September 30th, 2010 at 1:46 am
Goldman Sachs – The Dennis Moore of Investment Banking!
( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLkhx0eqK5w )
September 30th, 2010 at 1:47 am
Goldman Sachs: Like a honest citizen, we’re paying our fair share of taxes. 1% to be exact.
Goldman Sachs: Your interests are our priority… as long as they align with ours.
Goldman Sachs: We do God’s work: we separate you from anything material.
September 30th, 2010 at 2:01 am
Goldman Sachs: Of course, we’re filthy whores but we never cheat at really fucking the client. That, to us, does matter.
September 30th, 2010 at 2:10 am
Behind every great fortune lies a great crime. Behind that crime lies Goldman Sachs.
September 30th, 2010 at 2:20 am
Goldman Sachs… The Ultimate Conniving Machine
September 30th, 2010 at 2:25 am
Your money. Our bonus.
September 30th, 2010 at 2:30 am
Goldman Sachs… where skill and cunning is good, but ex-CEOs in high federal government office is better.
September 30th, 2010 at 2:32 am
Who is Goldman Sachs? Trolls…
September 30th, 2010 at 2:45 am
At Goldman Sachs, we don’t answer to a higher authority… we act like we *are* the higher authority.
September 30th, 2010 at 2:49 am
Contest: Ideas for Goldman Sachs Ad Campaign #
(with Michael Douglas’s voice, a panning shot of the Manhattan skyline …)
Goldman Sachs … for lack of a better Wall Street firm … is good.
Goldman Sachs … is right.
Goldman Sachs … works.
September 30th, 2010 at 2:50 am
We at Goldman Sachs grab things from places others cannot reach… hehehe…
September 30th, 2010 at 2:56 am
“I am from Goldman Sachs. And I’m here to help you. Please turn around and bend over”
September 30th, 2010 at 3:12 am
Bravo Carl H. You nailed it.
September 30th, 2010 at 3:15 am
Lloyd Blankfein in a singing voice: “I’m loving it! “
September 30th, 2010 at 4:15 am
See cartoon at http://ralphanomics.blogspot.com/
September 30th, 2010 at 4:53 am
30 second spot profiling GS employees looking up at the camera as they work on big deals, meeting engineers at the site of new bridge or highway, helping a university invest its endowment, etc. We see Blankfein, Touré, Murti, Geithner, Obama, Summers, and Paulson. Tagline and fadeout to logo: Goldman Sachs, helping ourselves to the American economy since 1869.
“What happens on Wall Street, stays on Wall Street.”
Goldman Sachs new catch-phrase: “Dude! You’re getting a deal!”
September 30th, 2010 at 5:00 am
Okay, one more…
A re-enactment of the Untouchables/Al Capone baseball bat scene with Lloyd Blankfein in the role of Al Capone. You can even keep the same dialogue…it’s all good. Fadeout to tag line: “Goldman Sachs, America’s number one financial team since 1869.”
September 30th, 2010 at 5:06 am
I think Downtown Brown and Viss win. I’m especially proud of Viss!
Wish I could think of something clever, but all that comes to mind at the moment is a stream of obscenities. The only thing I can think of is perhaps too obscure:
“Goldman Sachs: Pleased to meet you — hope you guessed our name.”
September 30th, 2010 at 5:12 am
Use clips from The Coen Brothers’ film “The Hudsucker Proxy” for the visual while a narrator informs the public what Goldman actually does. For example, when Norville Barnes “Hula Hoop” idea is green lit, the action follows the old fashioned tubing message system between various departments as each area contributes to the development of the product (a CDO?)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ng3XHPdexNM
The CDO is an initial bust, but then some fund manager picks it up and demonstrates it for his peers, and soon it becomes a run-away hit!
September 30th, 2010 at 5:22 am
We’re not just known as Goldman Sachs of New York, but also as Goldman “lying” Sachs of Shit.
September 30th, 2010 at 5:34 am
Maybe a better clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLOAXDb6fps
Slogans for Goldman Sachs t-shirts: “You know … for the kids [fund managers]!!!” and “What Will This Cost [The American Taxpayer]?”
September 30th, 2010 at 5:57 am
Goldman Sachs: You may not make money with us, but you sure won’t make it without us.
Goldman Sachs: Greed, for us, is good.
Goldman Sachs: When you absolutely, positively don’t care about your nest egg.
Goldman Sachs: Over 307,006,550 SERVED.
September 30th, 2010 at 6:07 am
Goldman Sachs: We bring good things to strife.
Goldman Sachs: It’s only cheating if you get caught.
Goldman Sachs: Let us do for you what we did for Greece.
September 30th, 2010 at 6:12 am
Viss, Soylent Green (“Take the blue pill”), and Julia Chestnut all nailed it. My contributions:
(Not sure who came up with this — might have been Taibbi — but it wasn’t me:)
“Goldman Sachs: We don’t club baby seals. We club babies.”
And one more, true to my name:
“We are the fox and you are all rabbits… was that a dinnerbell?”
September 30th, 2010 at 6:22 am
Leverage: It’s what’s for dinner.
September 30th, 2010 at 6:35 am
Goldman Sachs: We put the F/U in fiduciary.
September 30th, 2010 at 6:54 am
Goldman: We got some balls in our sachs. What do you have?
Goldman: Finding the LEGAL in ILLEGAG
Goldman: Putting the Sachs into succesachs!
September 30th, 2010 at 7:26 am
Goldman Sachs…Reach out and Screw Someone
Goldman Sachs…Have it our way…or the highway!!
Goldman Sachs…You’ll wonder where your wallet went when you invest your money with Goldman’s Prop Desk
Goldman Sachs….I never saw it coming…and neither did my broker
Goldman Sachs…The Ultimate Rip Off
And for the future:
Goldman Sachs…Open an account!….Get a Toaster!
September 30th, 2010 at 7:31 am
First off, they’ll need to re-engineer the name for a subtle new identity. [Think "Arthur Anderson Consulting" to "Accenture" . ]
They should drop the “Sachs”. [The gold in Goldman, coupled with "sacks" is not appropriate in this era of austerity. Plus, there's that pesky sexual discrimination matter to consider as well. Yes, better to stay away from any sack connotations.]
Obviously, just keeping the name at “Goldman” is problematic. “Goldperson”? That’s trying too hard. Just stay with Goldman, add a vanilla word, like “Group” and prefix the whole thing with “The” to keep it inclusive, yet exclusive at the same time. “The Goldman Group”.
Now we need a slogan. That’s easy.
“The Goldman Group: Adapt and Exploit. We are to Finance what The Blueman Group is to Percussion. ”
OK, now that we got that out of the way, let’s do a quick commercial. Work with me a moment here. For the Goldman concept to resonate, please consider The Blueman Group.
Cut to the basement of some industrial warehouse. The lighting is dim and it has a blueish hue to it. Polybutylene pipes form a network of veins pumping who knows what… to who knows where.
Enter a trio of analysts in tight black clothing with faces wearing a coat of blue paint over latex bald caps. The cobalt freaks survey the scene in a state of collective wonder.
Out of the blue, one of them finds a wrench and holds it aloft with rapt curiosity. He considers the possibilities.
Quickly, he employs his new tool and goes to work on those polybutylene pipes. His cohorts assist him.
In a case of astonishing mastery–for someone who just found a fucking wrench for the first time– the coolant colored hominid extricates several pipes from the network and distributes them to his fellow Indigo Boys.
Each now stares at his pipe and becomes aroused…while considering the possibilities.
Then, one of them starts a two-count beat of the pipe against the wall. Another follows suit, but on the floor. Finally, the third finds his rhythm on an old table. Before long, they find their synchronicity….
It turns out that each is a percussive savant capable of teasing out rhythmic percussion from veritable smortgasborg of idiosyncratic instruments. It’s as if the drumming trinity of Keith Moon, John Bonham and Neil Peart got together for an epic jam session in the basement of an abandoned warehouse.
Cut now to the basement of a West Texas refinery. The lighting is dim, but it has a goldish hue to it. Steel pipes are everywhere…veins of carbon slurp: “Oil that is. Texas Tea. Black gold. Well the first thing you know, ‘ol Lloyd’s a Trillionaire.”
Enter a trio of analysts, each in a blue-blood Brooks Brothers suit and a coat of gold paint over faces ensconced in latex bald caps. It’s a Freak Show, Investment Banker Style.
One of them finds a gauge and another finds a large, circular nozzle with four spokes. The last is reading a manual he found on the table. Before long, they turn the nozzle hard to the left, the gauge skyrockets (along with the price of oil). The steel pipes are empty now, and are capable of sounding out an ominous echo.
BOOM.
BOOM. BOOM.
BOOM. BOOM. BOOM.
The Goldman Group is wailing on the empty pipes now. They engage in a tri-parte rhythm that is so far beyond the Forever Blue Freaks…that the Blue Boys end up looking like they have the rhythmic soul of 3 US Senators dancing at a post-election party.
END with the voice of James Earl Jones:
“And that is the essence Goldman. Adapt and Exploit. And-there’s-nothing-anyone-can-do-about- it.
Ever.”
September 30th, 2010 at 7:42 am
How about a parody of that beer ad where everyone sat around saying “Wassup”.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W16qzZ7J5YQ
Instead of the cool guys just chilling out on a sofa, we could have grey haired, fat capitalist bastards lying around on piles of money, sniggering contemptuously……
September 30th, 2010 at 8:07 am
Isn’t it Hebrew National that says “we answer to a higher authority”? Well Goldman says, “We are the higher authority”.
September 30th, 2010 at 8:28 am
Lots of good, funny stuff, but Carl H has the one and only thing that would make a difference.
September 30th, 2010 at 8:33 am
Are they kidding. If people actually knew what The Squid does their public image would be WORSE!
September 30th, 2010 at 8:59 am
Goldman: No, WE are the world.
Goldman: Let the meek inherit the earth, we plan on financing it.
September 30th, 2010 at 9:02 am
Goldman Sachs: You want answers? Our existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives..
September 30th, 2010 at 9:06 am
when we fuck you, we know what we’re doin.
September 30th, 2010 at 9:09 am
“Relentless Stealing”
September 30th, 2010 at 9:09 am
Goldman Sachs is at your service: The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer
September 30th, 2010 at 9:10 am
“I drink your milkshake. I drink it up!”
September 30th, 2010 at 9:12 am
Instead of Capital One … “Goldman Sachs: Who’s in your wallet?”
September 30th, 2010 at 9:12 am
Goldman Sachs: The three pillars of our firm: Claim everything, Explain nothing, Deny everything.
September 30th, 2010 at 9:16 am
Goldman Sachs: Rush Limbaugh isn’t the only talent-on-loan-from-God around here.
September 30th, 2010 at 9:27 am
Goldman Sachs – Doing gods work (and unlike the Catholic church we don’t limit our phuking to underage boys).
September 30th, 2010 at 9:46 am
(Camera follows Lloyd walking through the corporate lobby, speaking to the camera): …Son, we live in a world that has bank profits, and those profits have to be guarded by men with MBAs. Whose gonna do it? You? Elizabeth Warren? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom.
You weep for the Taxpayers, and you curse the traders and fund of funds mmanagers. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That the Taxpayers debts, while tragic, probably saved jobs (and bonuses). And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves jobs, (of future regulators). You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me at that desk, you need me on that desk.
We use words like honorarium, HFT source-code, company loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something, and profiting off of it. You use them as a quotes for a Federal indictment. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a public and media that rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very financial freedom that I provide for our investors, and then questions the manner in which I provide it.
I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you open up a day trader account, and post a 6 figure deposit, and earn your own keep. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to.
September 30th, 2010 at 9:49 am
“Hey America! Are you going to eat that?”
“When we spell frontrunning, we put U first”
September 30th, 2010 at 9:51 am
-With GOD on your side, you can’t go wrong
(So if we sucked all the money out of the country, it was God’s will)
-The only rule is that there are no rules. We just used optimized deregulated markets. So Stop complaining. Everything we do is legal
-Goldman Sachs another name for Stage IV Cancer
September 30th, 2010 at 9:56 am
Goldman Sachs: For when sucking cock to get what you want just isn’t cutting it.
September 30th, 2010 at 10:02 am
Goldman Sachs
Better than sex
Others bare Winter’s gloom
September 30th, 2010 at 10:35 am
We’re Goldman. We drink your milkshake.
What do you care? It’s only money, and it’s not yours.
September 30th, 2010 at 10:36 am
Brilliant idea Carl H. That would be a great first step in changing America for the better. Our parents sacrifices helped save the world on the brink of destruction to become this? How far we’ve fallen in just a generation.If only your idea would be taken seriously there. I’d like to live in that alternate universe but I’m stuck with this one.
September 30th, 2010 at 10:52 am
Goldman Sachs: Vampire Squids rule!
September 30th, 2010 at 11:01 am
Julia, not obscure at all. And one the best on the page.
Midmorning coffee spit out this one:
God’sOwn Sacks
September 30th, 2010 at 11:15 am
make that
IF we fucked you, yur not a customer worth keeping
we know what we’re doin
September 30th, 2010 at 11:16 am
Goldman Sachs: Thank God we’re only MORALLY bankrupt.
September 30th, 2010 at 11:27 am
Another obscure reference: “Once again…what was once briefly yours is now mine.”
September 30th, 2010 at 11:28 am
Goldman Sachs: So what? What are you going to do about it?
September 30th, 2010 at 11:46 am
We Sell No Whine Before Its Time. Goldman Sachs (Paul Masson. Could sub “CDOs” for “Whine”)
Goldman Sachs. Don’t Lose Home Without Us. (Amex play)
You’re in Greed Hands With Us. Goldman Sachs. (Allstate play)
Please Don’t Squeeze The Charleton. Goldman Sachs. (Charmin, of course. Put some glasses on their CEO and he is the spitting image of Mr. Whipple)
Drop, Drop, Biz, Biz, Oh What A Relief It is. Goldman Sachs. (Alka Seltzer)
Goldman Sachs. The Quicker $*cker Upper. (Paper Towels)
Snap. Crackle. Tarp. Goldman Sachs. (Rice Krispies)
September 30th, 2010 at 11:51 am
Oops..mispelled one. “Please Don’t Squeeze The Charlaton” Goldman Sachs.
September 30th, 2010 at 11:53 am
did it again…”Charlatan!!!::
September 30th, 2010 at 12:09 pm
Goldman Sachs: Reach Out and Fuck Someone
September 30th, 2010 at 12:14 pm
Goldman Sachs … where’s the thief ?
September 30th, 2010 at 1:21 pm
goldman sachs…it was good for us..was it good for you?
September 30th, 2010 at 1:55 pm
Goldman Sachs : all your Basel are belong to us
September 30th, 2010 at 2:18 pm
We at Goldman Sacs recently learned that we’ve made a bad impression. Like the guest who overstayed his welcome, we may have inadvertently tested the patience of the American people. Please know that this was never our intention. Rather, in the course of our business, that of facilitating the capitalism that made this country great, of intermediating the free and fair markets, and of helping our customers, we lost touch with our “roots.” We want the people of this great nation to know how sorry we are. We also want them to know that after some serious soul searching and have resolved to do our job, serving democracy and the free market, better. To accomplish this, we’ve established an ethics panel composed of our most senior investment bankers. And we’ll continually look for other ways to improve our image.
Thank you America. Rest assured, Goldman Sacs will be here, on the front lines of capitalism.
September 30th, 2010 at 2:54 pm
Goldman Sachs, putting you on the right side of shitty deals since 1869.
September 30th, 2010 at 3:08 pm
Goldman Sachs, because “Douchebag” was taken.
September 30th, 2010 at 4:22 pm
GS: We follow the letter of the law, not the intent.
September 30th, 2010 at 4:24 pm
GS: Don’t let morals and integrity get in the way of making money.
September 30th, 2010 at 5:32 pm
GS: If you liked what we did with the financial crisis, wait til we get our hands on your mom’s Social Security >:)
September 30th, 2010 at 9:03 pm
We’re Goldman Sachs. And you’re NOT! (cue “Joker” type laugh) HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!
October 1st, 2010 at 12:03 am
Forgot trolls pic
http://img178.imageshack.us/img178/6282/gstrollssm.jpg
October 1st, 2010 at 6:41 am
Do Unto Others… That’s It. You Were Expecting Something More?
October 1st, 2010 at 6:47 am
If You Bailed Us Out Once, You’ll Bail Us Out Again. Thank God For Capitol Hill!
October 1st, 2010 at 6:52 am
Goldman Sachs – Where 20 Million Dollar Bonuses Are The Norm
October 1st, 2010 at 6:58 am
Goldman Sachs – We Reserve The Right To Destroy Livelihoods
October 1st, 2010 at 7:01 am
To Us, Monopoly Is Not Just A Game, It’s A Way Of Life
October 1st, 2010 at 8:14 am
Two Goldman Sachs executives are having a casual conversation.
John: Hey, Bill, smell my fingers.
Bill: ‘Sniffing’ Wow, that’s a fine musky smell. Who were you with last night.
John: I was counting the money that I hide in my basement.
Goldman Sachs – We Love The Smell Of Money In The Morning
Goldman Sachs – A Dollar Bill By Any Other Name Would Smell Just As Sweet
October 1st, 2010 at 8:22 am
We’ve Plundered and Pillaged You, Next Comes The Rape. So Make It Easy On Yourself And Bend Over And Get It Over With
October 1st, 2010 at 8:33 am
We’re Too Big To Fail and You’re To Small For Us Too Give A Shit About
October 2nd, 2010 at 3:39 am
Our main CEO is Helen Waite. If you want to do business with us, go to Helen Waite.
October 5th, 2010 at 10:21 am
GS – Greedy Suits