Josh Brown — the blogger formerly known as the Reformed Broker — is experiencing side effects including nausea, bloating, dizziness, and loss of domain name. I don’t want to point any fingers, but it appears that Punxatawny Phil from Stocktwits totally fucked up effected a minor but repairable administrative error, wherein Josh’s Reformed Broker domain name was allowed to expire.

The people responsible for this error have been sacked.

While the matter is in litigation, we have offered the Reformed Broker, aka the Stock Rabbi, the use of TBP. Here’s Josh:

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US Corporations are a lot like Wesley Snipes – they used to kick ass but now they spend most of their time trying to avoid paying taxes.

As a patriot, I yearn to see Corporate America put back atop its pedestal and restored to its rightful place in the Pantheon of Human Achievement.

This Fall, We The People have an historic opportunity to vote for our favorite corporations and interest groups via their sponsorees and political champions in the House and Senate  I hope that you will consider the below bullet points before riding your Medicare-subsidized scooter to the polls:

1.  Wal-Mart is a miracle of entrepreneurship. Never mind the fact that the planet’s largest retailer of heavy-duty lawn chairs and bacon-infused spring water has been aided along the road to triumph by just about every state government and agency in the country.  Pay no attention to the fact that the company hands out state medicaid enrollment forms to its employees that are meant to be reserved for poor people.  Don’t you concern yourself that 90 percent of their distribution centers were paid for with public money in the name of “creating jobs”.

2. Oil exploration is a shared endeavor, oil selling is a corporate one. How dare you criticize $30 billion in tax subsidies that have gone toward the costs of oil exploration by the major integrated oil producers?  Do you hate America?  Would you rather that $30 billion be wasted on some fruity advanced battery research program or some stupid 5 year plan to end our dependence on Middle Eastern energy imports?  Don’t be silly, we’ve been doing it this way for decades, it can’t be wrong!

3.  Making corporations pay taxes makes them less competitive in the global marketplace. I see absolutely no problem with our attempt to become “an export-driven economy” while allowing corporations to retain all earnings from overseas business.  How could this possibly blow up in our faces of the long-term.  And hey, corporations in Luxembourg don’t have to repatriate any profits, and our economy is uncannily similar to Luxembourg’s in every way imaginable.  As long as we don’t allow American citizens the same ability to shield income from the Federal government, everything should work out just fine.

4.  No, zero percent rates are NOT Corporate Welfare for the nation’s banks. How could you even cast an aspersion like that?  Look, if a few million seniors have to struggle to earn a low-risk fixed income while the banks get to borrow from the left hand of the government while lending back to the right at a guaranteed spread, so be it!  After all, you think those record banker bonuses that support so many BMW dealerships and European hair dressers come from thin air?  Besides, it is a known fact that handing money to bank employees is way more stimulative than whatever meager spending we might see in and around the Boca Raton retirement communities.

Please be sure to keep the above factors in mind as you prepare to vote for your congressional corporate representatives next month.  Someone’s going to get taxpayer subsidies, you may as well have a hand in choosing where they go.

Category: Bailouts, Taxes and Policy

Please use the comments to demonstrate your own ignorance, unfamiliarity with empirical data and lack of respect for scientific knowledge. Be sure to create straw men and argue against things I have neither said nor implied. If you could repeat previously discredited memes or steer the conversation into irrelevant, off topic discussions, it would be appreciated. Lastly, kindly forgo all civility in your discourse . . . you are, after all, anonymous.

20 Responses to “Your Vote, Your Corporate Welfare Electives”

  1. callistenes says:

    Good to see ya back up. I freaked and thought you’d gone to that great pizza parlor in the sky.

  2. Bokolis says:

    Then you all wonder why Dubya would stutter and stammer and mispronounce shit tall the time, all the while looking like somebody had just told him the funniest joke ever. For every speech, instead of having what he was supposed to say, he would have a copy of the above post and have to go from memory.

  3. BennyProfane says:

    Bacon infused water?

  4. VennData says:

    I’d like to get rid of some gov’t too, not sure about this one:

    …in “Obama’s Grim Future of Stalemate” Norm Ornstein (of your favorite “conservative” think tank the American Enterprise Institute) talks about the GOP plans for the next Congress…

    “…The first is to reverse the Obama health reform plan by cutting off funding on Medicare…”

    http://m.ft.com/cms/s/0/09e2e298-d64a-11df-81f0-00144feabdc0.html

    Why doesn’t the GOP stand up now and say they’re going to cut off funding for Medicare? At least try and get it to a vote? I’d bet the Dems would allow that to the floor faster than you could say, “Bye Bye, Mom”

    No wonder the donors for these “institute’s” and political ads want to remain secret.

  5. DeDude says:

    Now if we were actually allowed to know what corporate sponsor is blasting away at this or the other candidate then we would know what corporate interest we voted for. But a law that required such sunshine on who sponsors who (via non-profit entities) was blocked by the GOPsters. Since they are going to have even more power after the election, there is little chance that we will ever know what exact corporation we are casting a vote for.

    Democracy is down for the count after a 1-2 punch first from the GOPsters in the Supreme Court declaring that corporations have the rights of people, then from the GOPsters in Congress demanding that the support of these corporate individuals to specific candidates must be kept secret.

  6. sysin3 says:

    shhh … I’m trying to decide between TweedleDum, TweedleDee and NutJob.

  7. The Pale Scot says:

    Why walmart has trouble finding good employees: They were all signing mortgages

    “In an effort to rush through thousands of home foreclosures since 2007, financial institutions and their mortgage servicing departments hired hair stylists, Walmart floor workers and people who had worked on assembly lines and installed them in “foreclosure expert” jobs with no formal training, a Florida lawyer says.

    In depositions released Tuesday, many of those workers testified that they barely knew what a mortgage was. Some couldn’t define the word “affidavit.” Others didn’t know what a complaint was, or even what was meant by personal property. Most troubling, several said they knew they were lying when they signed the foreclosure affidavits and that they agreed with the defense lawyers’ accusations about document fraud.”

    http://finance.yahoo.com/news/Robosigners-Mortgage-apf-382327091.html?x=0&sec=topStories&pos=main&asset=&ccode=

  8. The Pale Scot says:

    Screwed up that title, didn’t I?

  9. callistenes says:

    I prefer bacon vodka

    http://bakonvodka.com/

  10. rktbrkr says:

    The banks have been borrowing from the FED using residential RE as collateral? I’m sure it was all fine tranches in FL, NEV etc, thank god they can just print money LOL

  11. evanhuntington says:

    Earlier in this decade I would have appreciated the snarkyness of this post. Today, it is just depressing.

  12. ACS says:

    Corporate welfare is obscene. The argument, however, that corporations don’t actually pay taxes but merely collect them seems persuasive. It may not be “fair”, but what is?

  13. louiswi says:

    I hope you copywrighted the phrase: “one dollar one vote” before the GOP or the Supreme Court gets a hold of it.

  14. Mark Down says:

    5. Apple hitting 300 clams a share …that Mr. Steve Jobs…shame on you!!!!!!

  15. Long term says:

    I very much like the quality and writing style of Mr. Brown’s post here. Very hard-hitting. I tend to disagree with the scope of the attacks. I perceive:

    1) Natural checks and balances. What Walmart lobbies for is probably not what PetSmart lobbies for. If the battery lobby was stronger, they would get more attention.

    2) Macro forces are in play. America used to be the only player on the field; not anymore. You can’t simply extend worker benefits on this field.

    3) Corps are groups of people. Groups of people have more influence than individuals. When Walmart does well, there are in fact, many Walmart managers that do well.

    Yes, there are abundant negative externalities. Yes, gains are too “privatized”. Yes, corp tax structure is unfair. Those are not going to be easy fixes in a Democracy. I perceive the single biggest, easiest, highest-impact change would be reigning in CEO and upper management salaries and bonuses. There is too much disconnect between stockholders and oversight of management. Even if the abuses of taxpayer money continued, the public would not be disenchanted so long as corporate leaders were lockstep in sacrificing. Moreover, great management talent–possibly better talent–will still surface at lesser salaries.

  16. Julia Chestnut says:

    Yikes, that’s accurate. At this point, I feel like the Republicans are a boyfriend who used to beat us, and the Dems are the guy we’re currently dating who turned out to be living in his parents’ basement and spend a lot more time playing world of warcraft rather than taking us out. Exactly how disappointed in his lack of manliness do I need to be to take back the guy I KNOW is going to pound me?

  17. ToNYC says:

    No check mark for the Incumbent who voted for TARP against the clear will of the People and “strong-armed” by Henry the Goldman Paulson. No check mark for the stonewall Republican. Easy vote this time.

  18. AHodge says:

    Julia
    politicians and predatory daters are more alike than you realize..its a seduction
    so…..
    Get down on your knees and praaaaay. We dont get fooled again.