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The recent a merger chatter between the NYSE and the Deutsche Börse got us wondering: How might life at the NYSE change under their new German management?

10. Effective immediately: No more bell ringing when Chairman David Hasselhoff has a hangover.

9. NYSE changes its tagline to “Das Equities.

8. Sylvia Wadhwa on the cover of the annual NYSE Calendar

7. All Dark Pools will be delicious Bavarian Chocolate

6. Dick Grasso’s honorary new title: der Führer

5. Merger is the last of Germany’s wartime reparations to the Jews (And they really mean it this time!)

4.  The new Art Cashin Biergarten presents ‘Stocktoberfest’!

3. Parisian counter-parties surrender rather than take the other side of trades.

2.  Color-coded lederhosen for specialists, runners and floortraders.

1.  Once a year, pretend Nasdaq is Poland and invade.

~~~

by Barry Ritholtz and Josh Brown

Any other changes we missed?

Category: Humor, M&A

Please use the comments to demonstrate your own ignorance, unfamiliarity with empirical data and lack of respect for scientific knowledge. Be sure to create straw men and argue against things I have neither said nor implied. If you could repeat previously discredited memes or steer the conversation into irrelevant, off topic discussions, it would be appreciated. Lastly, kindly forgo all civility in your discourse . . . you are, after all, anonymous.

38 Responses to “Top 10 Changes at the NYSE Under German Rule”

  1. I hope you admire my restraint.

    If you think these are bad, you should have seen what we left, including photoshopped Hitler mustaches on Grasso

    And yes, we are both Jewish!

  2. call me ahab says:

    I hope it works as well as the Daimler/Chrysler merger-

    that was heaven . . .

  3. This could have very easily taken a wrong turn – glad we eliminated a few :)

  4. Francois says:

    “I hope you admire my restraint. ”

    Yeah Barry! I think you were a bit too soft here. While the restraint is commendable, you deprive your readers of a good laugh and an occasion to mock the powers that be.

    What were you thinking huh? ;-)

  5. Evanos says:

    Jeebus, restraint?

    I always am amazed at how you blast with both barrells, and let the chips fall where they may . . .

  6. rktbrkr says:

    “Is it safe”?

    Have Dustin Hoffman ring the opening bell the first day!

  7. restraint? you should Post the ones that hit the ‘Trash Can’..you know, for comparison’s sake~

    though, really, this ‘transaction’ http://search.yippy.com/search?input-form=clusty-simple&v%3Asources=webplus&v%3Aproject=clusty&query=Hartford+Steam+Boiler+sold+to+Munich+Re

    a total giveaway by AIG (now 92% owned by the USG), was a much bigger loss..

  8. Strasser says:

    und you will not be late!

  9. super_trooper says:

    No lederhosen or wurst jokes?

    ~~~

    BR: See 2. Color-coded lederhosen for specialists, runners and floortraders.

  10. franklin411 says:

    Techno will be played on the trading floor at ear-splitting volumes:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dmdBhwKHGQs

  11. baychev says:

    i did not like your number 8 at all, better pick a swimsuit fit girl :)

  12. StatArb says:

    I doub that

    Ray Ellin at NY’s Comic Strip / Dangerfield’s is worried about you taking his stand-up slot this Friday

  13. Barry,

    Check your home page, you have this up twice.

    Here’s one:

    The markets will now run with precision German engineering

    ~~~

    BR: Weird –I’ll fix

  14. Mergers will now be called reunifications and all stock splits will have a wall built down the center with people shot for cross trading

  15. FrankInTheFalls says:

    Bierstube mit Bratwurst und Kraut?

  16. VennData says:

    CME… vee are coming! Lebensraum!

  17. Yaun says:

    Deutsche Boerse will have to change it’s logo so that the ribbon is pointing in downward direction.

  18. Julia Chestnut says:

    No traders allowed who can’t properly pronounce the umlaut in “Borse.” (no my keyboard doesn’t have them).

  19. obsvr-1 says:

    HFT renamed to tra-der bahn

  20. The trading halt system will now be replaced with yellow and red cards. The yellow card will shut down the the exchange for an hour, the red card for a day.

    Extended hours will now be called ‘penalty time’

    market dives will no longer be tolerated (but everyone knows they will)

    High frequency traders will be given a free kick

  21. SCIA says:

    11. Wienerschnitzel added to the Dow

    12. Make 2 trades, get 1 free during Octoberfest

  22. Sechel says:

    On a serious note, I turned on the news last nite and there was an argument being made that there’s a national security issue.. I think it was on FOX..

    When you consider how the business model of the NYSE has changed since pre-Grasso days, I have no problem saying good-bye.

  23. Brent_in_Aurora says:

    Replace the opening bell with tuba blast.
    Beer is legal tender.
    Fat lady sings at the end of the trading day.

  24. Transor Z says:

    13. Special employee scheiße film fest!

  25. Expat says:

    The President of the NY Fed will stand at the entrance to the floor directing traders left or right with a flick of his gleaming black riding crop. Bulls to the floor, bears to the showers.

    (Can I claim the title for the most offensive offering?)

  26. call me ahab says:

    Fat lady sings at the end of the trading day.

    that’s too damn funny

    and TZ breaking out the double ss. when I was walking around Berlin a few years back (cool city by the way)- took me a while to figure out what the hell that letter even was

  27. greenback says:

    Equities is plural. So the correct article would be “die” rather than “das”.

    IOW you should be saying “Die Equities”, which I guess means you’re calling the top.

  28. Afthought says:

    Vergessen Sie nie, “Arbeit mach frei”

  29. Afthought says:

    > Julia Chestnut Says: keyboard doesn’t have “umlaut” >

    How to type an umlaut: hold down “Alt” and type “0246″ on the keypad (repeat: KEYPAD – I often forget):

    Borse becomes Börse

  30. stocklobster says:

    You missed one!

    “Ve vere just FILLING orderz!!”

  31. oldtimer says:

    Arnold Swartzenegger is on a short list for a job. Teaching city slickers the vortsprung durch technik.

  32. sunlight says:

    submarine “dive” klaxon sounds if dow drops 100 points in an hour

  33. emcsull says:

    hate to spoil the jollity, but singling out Silvia Wadhwa annoys me a bit, being a woman the other side of 50 who also does not pass the bathing suit test. For me she is a refreshing change from all those other women with makeup two inches thick. She is also extremely good at her job, by the way, check her out at press conferences cross-examining Trichet.

    Otherwise, bring it on ! Makes me think of Bill Gross’s editorial after Allianz took over Pimco

  34. opening bell will be replaced with Ride of the Valkyrie. Closing bell with Mozart’s requiem mass

  35. jsevenseven says:

    Sgt Schultz named Head of Compliance & Investor Protection

  36. [...] In case you missed it, Barry and I collaborated on the Top 10 Changes at the NYSE Under German Rule.  (TBP) [...]

  37. Belina says:

    Sorry, # 8 is sexist. And 3 that offends my French background.

    Plus, give up the worn out WW II-era jokes. German youth and even middle aged people are so much more progressive than our own population.

    And the French “surrender” b.s. doesn’t coincide with the French willingness to strike rather than concede labor’s gains.

    Europe is all we have standing between us and the race to the bottom, I.e. the demise of the middle class.