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‘Tis two days yet to New Year

Posted By Barry Ritholtz On December 30, 2013 @ 2:30 pm In Humor,Markets | Comments Disabled

From the inimitable Art Cashin of UBS:

‘Tis two days yet to New Year
but despite what you’re hopin’
The folks in the Board Room
say “the full Eve we’ll stay open”

So we’ll buy and we’ll sell
as the tape crawls along
And though “Bubbly’s” verboten
we may still sing a song

Two Thousand Thirteen
had some spots of high hopes
They may get fumbled away
by those Washington dopes

A brief government shutdown
pushed sides further apart
Let’s all hope things improve
as the New Year we start

“If you like it you can keep it”
we heard the President quip
When that didn’t work out
in the polls he did slip

We lost special people
as we seem to each year
It just makes us treasure
each one that’s still here

Mandela and Thatcher
they reshaped their times
They’ll now regale the angels
backed by heavenly chimes

And Peter O’Toole
with his steely blue eyes
Joined the great Joan Fontaine
in God’s still bluer skies

Jean Stapleton’s “Edith”
has joined Archie on high
And author Tom Clancy
chose October to die

Ed Koch now asks angels
his set quote, “How’m I doin”
Gone is Hugo Chavez
who brought his nation to ruin

Helen Thomas asks questions
of St. Peter these days
Also Frank Lautenberg
left his senator’s ways

Jim Hall, jazz guitarist,
played his final great note
Richie Havens, quite different
is now in the same boat

Ray Harryhausen, who
created creatures unreal
Joined Jonathan Winters
every scene he would steal

Van Cliburn’s piano angels
hear without faults
As Patti Page sings them
the old Tennessee Waltz

And Frost re-met Nixon
midst the clouds they’ll debate
While Tony Soprano
while in Rome met his fate

Scott Carpenter and angels
now together will sup
Roger Ebert gave the harp
a quite hearty thumbs up

Esther Williams swam off
Eydie Gorme took a bow
And Annette Funicello
has joined them both now

And Doctor Joyce Brothers
bid her clients goodbye
While “Dear Abby” Van Buren
gives advice from on high

In Boston, two brothers
put some bombs in a crowd
Although hundreds were injured
that great town stayed unbowed

Wild fires aplenty
burned in state after state
Elsewhere came tornadoes
seems Mother Nature’s irate

The Philippines saw a cyclone
winds of 200 miles
Caused immense devastation
to those once lovely isles

A Bangladesh building
did collapse in the spring
Though a thousand folks died
few reforms did it bring

In Syria, chemicals
wiped out a whole town
In a mall in Nairobi
scores of folks were mowed down

FOMO is a slogan
it’s “fear of missing out”
Now we’re all self-absorbed
that’s what that’s all about

Wall Street saw stocks soar
but Main Street stayed slow
As the Fed starts to taper
we’ll see just how things go

Jeff Bezos announced
a new delivery drone
Edward Snowden revealed
that we’d tapped Merkel’s phone

Prince George did arrive
of pictures there was no lack
and sweet tooths were quite pleased
to see Twinkies come back

Paula Deen fell from grace
for some things she once said
The Duck Dynasty guy
made some people turn red

Former Hannah Montana
shocked some fans with a twerk
In Toronto the mayor
some folks called a jerk

Let not this year’s memories
of sadness or sleaze
Disturb you this day
just give your heart ease

Have faith that this New Year
will bring a new sign
And believe in yourself
it will all work out fine

Just lift up your spirits
and some fruit of the vine
And kiss ye a loved one
and sing Auld Lange Syne

And late Tuesday evening
as you watch the ball fall
Wish yourself all the best
Happy New Year to All!!


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