Posts filed under “Humor”
Why a “NonGuidebook Version” of What to Do (and Not Do) in NYC ?
Since so many of you have asked: This started with friends from California who were coming to visit NYC for the very first time. They are intrepid Asian and Australian travelers, and wanted what they described as the “nonGuidebook version” of what to do in NYC.
So what began first as an email exchange turned into a longer list. They gave it some friends of theirs who emailed thanking me for the advice, and after a while, other people started emailing in around.
Thinking other out-of-towner might appreciate this — it is definitely NOT Fodors material – I polished it up, and posted it. It was so well received last year, that I decided to turn it into an annual posting
Hence, 21 Ways to Make Your Stay in NYC More Enjoyable.
Its that time of year: New York City is flooded with tourists. With the American Peso still relatively weak, the place is just thick with ‘em.
There are lots of standard guides you might find helpful to use (i.e., NYC Guide for Tourists), but they are primarily designed for that gullible visitor, the double-decker riding, Hawaiian shirt wearing, one born every minute visitor — the Rube.
That’s not you. You are much hipper than that. You want to be in the know, plugged in, well connected. Well, kid, ya came to the right place. I’m going to give you the straight dope, the inside info that the guidebooks don’t tell you about. This is real insider trading, “Blue Horse Shoe Loves Anacot Steel” type stuff that people go to jail for. Not you or me, but people. Some people. Mostly tourists.
Anyway, instead of relying on a Fodors or Let’s Go NYC, consider these suggestions from a born and bred Nu Yawkah (Eyes gaht deh aksent dat gos wit da place). A Brooklyn born guy who works in finance, and has worked in NYC most of his Adult life, this guy knows a thing or two about Gotham.
These suggestions will help make your stay in the city enjoyable and safe. It well help you get the most out of your visit here. As an added bonus, I get to keep all of you birkenstocked, rucksack wearing, slow walking, camera snapping touristas out from underfoot of us locals.
A New Yorker’s Guide for Tourists: 20 Ways to Make Your Stay in New York City More Enjoyable
1. For God’s sake, DO NOT ALL DRESS ALIKE. This is especially true if you are part of a big group. (Note: This does not refer to school trips of 50 fourth graders)
This is not just for your safety, it is for the benefit of the typical New Yorker’s highly refined aesthetic sense. At all costs, avoid wearing identical matching outfits. Worse than looking like buncha hicks from the sticks, you look like a group of out-of-towners begging to be mugged.
I don’t mean literally mugged by a criminal element, though that is certainly possible in these uncertain economic times. Rather, you are telegraphing your lack of savvy, thus leaving you financially vulnerable to unscrupulous taxi cab drivers and retail merchants alike. They will spot you as the rube you are, and be all too happy to roll you — i.e., considerably lighten your wallet.
You might as well carry a sign that says “Rob Me!” — and they will.
1.B Enough with the NY themed garb! The corollary to this is to avoid festooning every item of clothing you have on with “New York, NYC, or Yankees” logos — No one is THAT big of a fan — for the same reasons as above.
2. BATHROOMS: Here’s the thing: There just aren’t many public bathrooms in NYC.
Why? Its a long story, which I don’t have time to go into, but there just aren’t that many. Make plans accordingly.
Barnes & Noble/Borders Bookstores
The nicest public toilet in the city is Bryant Park at 42nd Street between 5/6th avenues. Sometimes there is a wait.
For those of you who have serious, um, reallygottagonow issues, its best that you plan ahead. Get a copy of Where to Go: A Guide to Manhattan’s Toilets. Thats right, the NYC toilet situation is so absurd that someone wrote a book about it.
On the plus side, the Rainbow Room and the Grand Havana Club have some of the nicest bathrooms I’ve ever been in — floor to ceiling windows, right next to the urinals! Pee while delighting to the splendor of the skyline, only in NY!
3. iPod walking guides
There are lots of really cool guides to various Manhattan neighborhoods. I haven’t done all of these, but I’ve done a few — most of these come highly recommended.
-Soundwalk – www.soundwalk.com – lets listeners walk in the shoes of locals for an uninterrupted hour. They have a 15-tour library includes many New York neighborhoods (Manhattan Chinatown, Little Italy, Lower East Side, Meatpacking District, Times Square, Wall Street, Williamsburg, Bronx hiphop/graffiti, Yankees, Brooklyn Dumbo) $12 to $25.
- Art Mobs – mod.blogs.com/art_mobs – compiles the work of Marymount Manhattan College students as they look at New York’s Museum of Modern Art in
critical, cynical, and comical lights. Free (go to “browse audio guides.”)
Also worth knowing about:
Subway Map for your iPod
Note that Apple’s iTunes Music Store and Audible.com also offer a wide catalog of audio tours for purchase and many are for no charge.
Lastly, wear comfortable walking shoes or sneakers!
4. See a LIVE TV Show: This is a must do, lots of fun event. Just like Broadway, only free.
It requires some advanced planning, usually 6 months to a year ahead of time. I suggest Late Show with David Letterman, The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, Late Night with Conan O’Brien, and Saturday Night Live (email SNL TIckets). (If you read our advice last year, you would have ordered the tickets a long time ago).
If you did not plan in advance for this year, no worries: Just diary this for next December or January to order tickets for Summer 2010.
Imagine where the US Dollar will be then — we’ll practically be paying you to come here!
Fish pedicures pop up in Illinois — and clients are biting: Unlike many fish, the Garra rufa is unafraid of humans. In fact, these pinkie-size fish like you. They like you very much. Which is key to why they’re turning up in salons in Virginia, Ohio and now, Aurora and Gurnee. People are paying $25-$50…Read More
Apparently, Jesus has returned to earth — not the 2nd coming, mind you, but in the form of a cheetos, ice cream scoops, a fry pan, a wash basin, wood, slate, rock, sandwiches, french toast, pancakes, a tree — pretty much any form you can imagine — except, for some unknown reason, as a deity….Read More
Brilliantly funny, not-safe-for-work commercial from Europe for Bontrust Finance:
When the agency came to us with the idea to show the increase of money on the international market in connection with some kind of sexual relation, we were very enthusiastic. No doubt, we had to do this!
The goal was to create a world completely made out of banknotes and explicit characters that stood for themselves. So we spent many days and nights doing a lot of research finding the right objects such as furniture, buildings, bridges, certain landscapes, clothes, etc.
This procedure was followed by style frames in 2D to evoke the right feeling, tone and look for the film while having a special origami look in the back of our minds. After we were done creating rough animatics, we could start to fine tune our characters, as well as the different scenarios of the spot. Our final task was to blend all the scenes, camera tracks and sounds together.
All characters (Lincoln, Mao and the unknown lady) were created as 3D characters in Softimage XSI. Therefore, our designing team engaged in a lot of origami studying. To get used to the technique, we spent a lot of time with uncountable folding sessions. We took dollar and pound notes and folded Origami figures until our hands bled.
Then we were able to start with the digital modeling. Each character received an individual animation rig. With this digital skeleton we defined positions, rotations as well as the movements of the particulars.
In a small town on the South Coast of France, the holiday season is in full swing, but it is raining so there is not too much business taking place. Everyone is heavily in debt. Luckily, a rich Russian tourist arrives in the foyer of the small local hotel. He asks for a room and…Read More
Wanda Sykes made humorous observations about President Obama and the political climate in Washington.
Obama Pokes Fun During Correspondents’ Dinner
President Barack Obama directed his jokes at people across his administration, with a few jabs at Republicans, at the annual White House Correspondents’ Association dinner.5/10/2009