Posts filed under “Humor”

‘Twas the Street before Christmas

This poem was penned by Edmundo Braverman at Wall Street Oasis

~~~

‘Twas the Street before Christmas, and everything sucked.
Most bankers were hurting; some totally f-cked.
Lehman was dead and Merrill acquired
Thain asked for ten million as thousands were fired.


TARP funds flooded every bank on the Street,
and GM and Chrysler waited to suckle the teat.
Bernie Madoff was safely under house arrest
while SCORES laid off girls with artificial breasts.


Then outside my cubicle there arose such a fray
I feared the whole firm would go under that day.
I put down my pitchbook and financial models,
And prepared for an evening of tears and rum bottles.


Right there in the bullpen stood the strangest of fellers
Who arrived on a sleigh pulled by naked short sellers.
He bellowed and blustered and let out a curse
and before we knew it, things got even worse.


For there in his clutches were our bonus checks
and all of our hopes of prestige, toys, and sex.
With an evil grin he then handed them out
and, one after one, faces drooped in a pout.


The numbers fell victim to maniacal division
and, oh, did I mention the clawback provision?
I was enraged and in shock, and then what was more
after taxes, I couldn’t buy Eliot Spitzer’s wh-re!


In less than a week my bonus was spent
and I thought of moving back in with the ‘rents.
But New Years was coming and it would be great
to party like a baller and get rid of Oh-Eight.


Oh-Nine will be better and we’ll all get rich
the sooner we say goodbye to this ugly b-tch.
So keep your chins up and your heads held high,
put in the hours and never say die.


As bad as things are, they’ll get good again
and you’ll be glad you hung in there with all the real men.
When you’re in bed with a model and getting a hummer
you can lay back and think,

“Thank God I’m not a plumber!”

Category: BP Cafe, Humor, Psychology

A Hedge Fund Manager’s Holiday Card

This bloody brilliant card is what a hedgie we know is sending out for Christmas: >

Category: Hedge Funds, Humor

Quoth the Trader, “Nevermore.”

Late one morning one December
in a year we’ll all remember,
Writing Christmas poems
had turned into quite a chore,

While I nodded, nearly napping,
suddenly there came a tapping,
As of someone gently rapping,
rapping at my office door.

“Tis some visitor,” I muttered,
“tapping at my office door-
Only this, and nothing more.”

Open wide I flung the entry,
stood there like an ancient sentry,
In there stepped a haggard trader
who’d been up since half past four.

Not the least obeisance made he;
not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady,
walked in from the trading floor-

Stood next to a bust of Soros
on a shelf well past the door-
Stood, and sighed,
and nothing more.

Read More

Category: Humor, Trading

On Consultants

via Dilbert

Category: Corporate Management, Digital Media, Humor

Regulating After the Fact

Tom Toles: via Washington Post

Category: Bailouts, Humor, Markets, Regulation

Culprits of the Financial Crisis

Great graphic ! I won’t link to the very strange article it comes from (it violates my  “No linking to shite policy”)but I liked the graphic above.

Category: Bailouts, Digital Media, Humor, Legal

Black Hole

Category: Credit, Humor, Markets

How to Save Detroit


Here is a picture of the Smart Car, compared to a Suburban like we used to have.

Now wouldn’t you know it, just when I have ordered a new Smart Car, other car makers have come out with competing models!

Read More

Category: Bailouts, Humor

Attack of the invisible hand of the free market!

Hat tip The Mess That Greenspan Made via Salon

Category: Digital Media, Humor, Markets, UnScience

The Magic of Math

> via Dilbert >

Category: Derivatives, Humor, Mathematics